Sad
I'm sad and I hate it. This is so stupid. It's exactly why I hate having a crush. So he wasn't at Happy Hour tonight (well, technically he was before I showed up and he said he was coming back but didn't). Why is this a big deal? I still had people to talk to. I still had a nice time. And the fact that everyone is being so positive and encouraging, in many ways makes me feel worse. I feel like someone who got a bad haircut and all their friends are reassuring them that it's not as bad as they think it is and they'll get used to it and it'll probably look good when it grows out. Lies - all of it. And at this particular moment, no, I don't feel like I have "a lot to offer." I'm not going to get into a litany of everything I hate about myself right now - I'm merely going to say I'm tired, I'm wearing an old lady nightgown, and my hair smells like cigarette smoke. Fuck, I'm so comfortable in my life most of the time. Why do I let these feelings creep up and catch me unawares. Maybe it'll all be better in the morning. Maybe I'll get a cute haircut and a boost in self-confidence.