bitter ________ symphony. no sweet. just blank. some symphony.
the past two days of my life have been bitter. just really bitter.
no sweetness.
i have the biggest headache right now. it's unbelievable.
i have to finish my WTP @ MIT application this week and mail it by FEb 1. FUCK. that's next week. i better write my essays now. NOW. this minute...after the next few that i'm writing in this thing.
it feels like......
it feels like.....?
i know! it feels like...life just lost its color.
i'm stuck in this world of white. snow's white. colorless. well...not technically..that'd be clear, but u get my point. my family is colorless, school is colorless. i just don't give a fuck about anything right now. i just want it to be sumer so i can relax. i want it to be warmer so i can wear flip flops and capris, and skirts and shorts. i just wanna be free.
i want to break free. (great song!)
i had a very strange encounter last night with the ex again. he wants to hook up. i guess he never lost his feelings for me. it's been ..what? 6 months? yeah...it's been like 6 months since we broke up. actually....today is the mark for 6 months. god.......this is freaky.
hmm ..that means..tom's 6 months of me knowing refat. wow.
i don't know how i managed to keep something going for 6 months...specially with the things refat and i have been through. i'm happy, but.....it still makes me mad. why? bc i still haven't seen him. i'm supposed to make a major decision today regarding that....im scared. i don't wanna make it, but i guess now would be the time if it's needed. wish me luck pratyusha. i hope the worst doesn't come down. but ur right, and so is suhbratha. so..still waiting..to figure that out. ....i just wanna cry bc i feel like i'm gonna have to make that decision. but i shouldn't be negative. right?
so yeah..my ex...he wants to hook up again and he says he changed and blah blah blah...u know the rest. the only two things that went through my head were: 1) u liked/like me that much? 2) i rmmbr mrs.harvey told me that he was sad about the break up, and that he really missed me. she told he was trying to show off for me too. yeah...and then he came and hit on me and i yelled at him and i thought that would be it. and this happened like two weeks ago.
so...all i could do was walk away. i didn't even look at him...i just turned around and walked out of the building. went to the car, came home. sat down in my room. tried to think about what had just happened, but i couldn't. so i went to sleep.
and refat woke me up today. well..i was kinda up, but i was trying to sleep some more. it's weird...i was thinking about him (duh) when he called. i was def surprised. i don't even know why. i was so off too, couldn't think.
wth. wtf. i'm sitting here trying to figure out what everything is supposed to mean. i feel like i'm zoned out today. i can't think straight, and my head is just killing me! this stupid headache is ________!!!!!
no smile, no emotion, no motivation, no hopes.
today's just one of those days.
i'm just happy i heard this song today:
"ur falling back on me, the star that i can't see. yeah.
i know ur out there, somewhere out there.
ur falling out of reach, defying gravity. yeah.
i know ur out there, somewhere out there."
no sweetness.
i have the biggest headache right now. it's unbelievable.
i have to finish my WTP @ MIT application this week and mail it by FEb 1. FUCK. that's next week. i better write my essays now. NOW. this minute...after the next few that i'm writing in this thing.
it feels like......
it feels like.....?
i know! it feels like...life just lost its color.
i'm stuck in this world of white. snow's white. colorless. well...not technically..that'd be clear, but u get my point. my family is colorless, school is colorless. i just don't give a fuck about anything right now. i just want it to be sumer so i can relax. i want it to be warmer so i can wear flip flops and capris, and skirts and shorts. i just wanna be free.
i want to break free. (great song!)
i had a very strange encounter last night with the ex again. he wants to hook up. i guess he never lost his feelings for me. it's been ..what? 6 months? yeah...it's been like 6 months since we broke up. actually....today is the mark for 6 months. god.......this is freaky.
hmm ..that means..tom's 6 months of me knowing refat. wow.
i don't know how i managed to keep something going for 6 months...specially with the things refat and i have been through. i'm happy, but.....it still makes me mad. why? bc i still haven't seen him. i'm supposed to make a major decision today regarding that....im scared. i don't wanna make it, but i guess now would be the time if it's needed. wish me luck pratyusha. i hope the worst doesn't come down. but ur right, and so is suhbratha. so..still waiting..to figure that out. ....i just wanna cry bc i feel like i'm gonna have to make that decision. but i shouldn't be negative. right?
so yeah..my ex...he wants to hook up again and he says he changed and blah blah blah...u know the rest. the only two things that went through my head were: 1) u liked/like me that much? 2) i rmmbr mrs.harvey told me that he was sad about the break up, and that he really missed me. she told he was trying to show off for me too. yeah...and then he came and hit on me and i yelled at him and i thought that would be it. and this happened like two weeks ago.
so...all i could do was walk away. i didn't even look at him...i just turned around and walked out of the building. went to the car, came home. sat down in my room. tried to think about what had just happened, but i couldn't. so i went to sleep.
and refat woke me up today. well..i was kinda up, but i was trying to sleep some more. it's weird...i was thinking about him (duh) when he called. i was def surprised. i don't even know why. i was so off too, couldn't think.
wth. wtf. i'm sitting here trying to figure out what everything is supposed to mean. i feel like i'm zoned out today. i can't think straight, and my head is just killing me! this stupid headache is ________!!!!!
no smile, no emotion, no motivation, no hopes.
today's just one of those days.
i'm just happy i heard this song today:
"ur falling back on me, the star that i can't see. yeah.
i know ur out there, somewhere out there.
ur falling out of reach, defying gravity. yeah.
i know ur out there, somewhere out there."