Why is it I have a crazy mother and everyone else has sane ones?
I hate life.
I hate everything right now.
The only thing I have any gratitude toward is God.
(I'll explain later with the whole God bit, but right now, I just want to write down in words what has been going through my mind)
As I was saying, the #1 emotion right now is HATE! ANGER! HIGHLY PISSED OFF TO AN ALARMING DEGREE!
Of course, no one knows I feel this way as of now. I'm talented in hiding my feelings, I have done it all my life.
My mom picks me up from school 2 hours early Tuesday, informing me "We are leaving." (evacuating, etc) I had known we were leaving to Georgia after school, But that day I heard the hurricane had moved Southwest and wasn't going to affect Jax that much. We were gonna get high winds, thunderstorms, etc. Things we would probably have to go to bubba's house for. But, I knew we probably weren't leaving the state, because -- to put it quite plainly -- we didn't have to. In fact, Jax was probably a pretty safe place to be.
But, mom tells me "No, We HAVE to leave." Of course, I try explaining to her the whole tidbit, but she starts yelling at me in the middle of the hallway of DA. IN FRONT OF PEOPLE! So, I shutup and follow her to the car. When we get in the car, I ask her if we can go to bubba's. She goes "No, Brenna the bitch's parents are there. We wouldn't have room." This HIGHLY PISSED ME OFF. Mom is having issues with Breanna because Bre is a little bossy. Of course, she has to be bossy with a one month old to take care of. She dislikes her pretty much because she is taking bubba away from her.
Anyways, I then go, "What about a hotel here in Jax? We don't need to go-"
"NO REBECCA! WE ARE LEAVING...blah...blah...detail...detail...YELLING..."
So, we end up in Jesup, Georgia, with half our money gone becuase of this stupid hotel. And I'm watching the weather, when I hear from the tv "Oh yea, it's gonna be in Jax Sunday"
SUNDAY PEOPLE! SUNDAY, THE DAY WE WERE GONNA LEAVE THE HOTEL AND DRIVE BACK UP TO JAX! THE TRIP WAS FOR NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
Right as I'm about to cry my eyes out because of frustration, bubba calls.
I expect him to be nice, but he goes "Why the hell did you guys evacuate? Breanna's parents are staying at a hotel. You could of stayed with us-"
*holding back tears*
"Well-,"I'm speechless at this point. "I don't know,"I manage to say like an idiot.
"You know the hurricane is going straight through Georgia? Right? Jax was better to stay at! How long you staying there?"
"Until Sunday"
"GOD REBECCA! That's when the hurricane is gonna be here and Georgia!"
*at this point, there are little droplets of tears in my eyes I am trying not to let fall down my cheeks*
This is when the final blow comes- "Why didn't you stop mom?"
GOSH! I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING WITH MOM DON'T I? JUST BECAUSE I'M THE ONLY ONE LIVING WITH HER, SUDDENLY MAKES ME THE FREAKING ADULT! I ALWAYS HAVE TO STOP HER, TO CALM HER DOWN, I CAN'T ALWAYS BE PERFECT!, I think.
"I don't know" I reply, tears terribly close to falling.
This is the part when I cry. "You know the baptism for Evan is on Sunday, right? We are still having it."
I AM A TERRIBLE AUNT. I SERIOUSLY AM! I HATE MYSELF! I SHOULD OF STOPPED HER, I SHOULD OF..., I am screaming at myself in my head.
"Rebecca?"
"Oh yea. Um, Here's mom." I thrust the phone at mom and walk quietly in the bathroom. That is where I cried.
After that, I kept on watching the weather. (Mom was totally in denial of the whole situation. She said "Forget it." and went back to sleep.)
And it get slower, making my mood worse. It's gonna come on Monday now. Making the whole trip mean nothing!
I am totally exhausted and fall asleep at 7:00 pm. I wake up around 9:00 am and go get me and mom some free hotel breakfast. I spilled coffee all over my hand and almost fell down the stairs, to say the least.
Mom was in a good mood. Hooray for her! I was nice to her and said nothing, turning the weather on for her to find out herself. She takes another nap instead.
To put it quite plainly and quickly...She finally got the concept of the whole situation around 1:00 and left around 1:30.
Then, our car starting knocking and we had to drive for 2 hours with the nosiest car EVER. We finally got home, and we are planning on going to Evan's baptism. Except now, I don't want to go because our car will blow up and if it doesn't, it will still be an embarrassing piece of junk!
*breathe in*out*in*out* calm...I'm just praying our mobile home doesn't blow away because mom is now refusing to go to bubba's for safety because "she can't smoke, and Bre won't want her there" She's so delusional and crazy, it scares me.
REBA
PS- I'm grateful to God because He has answered all my prayers about the hurricane so far. He's gotten us a good hotel that accepts pets, He's made the hurricane not go near Jax, and He has made our car make it to the house. He's the only one with any sanity or compassion toward me right now.
I hate everything right now.
The only thing I have any gratitude toward is God.
(I'll explain later with the whole God bit, but right now, I just want to write down in words what has been going through my mind)
As I was saying, the #1 emotion right now is HATE! ANGER! HIGHLY PISSED OFF TO AN ALARMING DEGREE!
Of course, no one knows I feel this way as of now. I'm talented in hiding my feelings, I have done it all my life.
My mom picks me up from school 2 hours early Tuesday, informing me "We are leaving." (evacuating, etc) I had known we were leaving to Georgia after school, But that day I heard the hurricane had moved Southwest and wasn't going to affect Jax that much. We were gonna get high winds, thunderstorms, etc. Things we would probably have to go to bubba's house for. But, I knew we probably weren't leaving the state, because -- to put it quite plainly -- we didn't have to. In fact, Jax was probably a pretty safe place to be.
But, mom tells me "No, We HAVE to leave." Of course, I try explaining to her the whole tidbit, but she starts yelling at me in the middle of the hallway of DA. IN FRONT OF PEOPLE! So, I shutup and follow her to the car. When we get in the car, I ask her if we can go to bubba's. She goes "No, Brenna the bitch's parents are there. We wouldn't have room." This HIGHLY PISSED ME OFF. Mom is having issues with Breanna because Bre is a little bossy. Of course, she has to be bossy with a one month old to take care of. She dislikes her pretty much because she is taking bubba away from her.
Anyways, I then go, "What about a hotel here in Jax? We don't need to go-"
"NO REBECCA! WE ARE LEAVING...blah...blah...detail...detail...YELLING..."
So, we end up in Jesup, Georgia, with half our money gone becuase of this stupid hotel. And I'm watching the weather, when I hear from the tv "Oh yea, it's gonna be in Jax Sunday"
SUNDAY PEOPLE! SUNDAY, THE DAY WE WERE GONNA LEAVE THE HOTEL AND DRIVE BACK UP TO JAX! THE TRIP WAS FOR NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
Right as I'm about to cry my eyes out because of frustration, bubba calls.
I expect him to be nice, but he goes "Why the hell did you guys evacuate? Breanna's parents are staying at a hotel. You could of stayed with us-"
*holding back tears*
"Well-,"I'm speechless at this point. "I don't know,"I manage to say like an idiot.
"You know the hurricane is going straight through Georgia? Right? Jax was better to stay at! How long you staying there?"
"Until Sunday"
"GOD REBECCA! That's when the hurricane is gonna be here and Georgia!"
*at this point, there are little droplets of tears in my eyes I am trying not to let fall down my cheeks*
This is when the final blow comes- "Why didn't you stop mom?"
GOSH! I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING WITH MOM DON'T I? JUST BECAUSE I'M THE ONLY ONE LIVING WITH HER, SUDDENLY MAKES ME THE FREAKING ADULT! I ALWAYS HAVE TO STOP HER, TO CALM HER DOWN, I CAN'T ALWAYS BE PERFECT!, I think.
"I don't know" I reply, tears terribly close to falling.
This is the part when I cry. "You know the baptism for Evan is on Sunday, right? We are still having it."
I AM A TERRIBLE AUNT. I SERIOUSLY AM! I HATE MYSELF! I SHOULD OF STOPPED HER, I SHOULD OF..., I am screaming at myself in my head.
"Rebecca?"
"Oh yea. Um, Here's mom." I thrust the phone at mom and walk quietly in the bathroom. That is where I cried.
After that, I kept on watching the weather. (Mom was totally in denial of the whole situation. She said "Forget it." and went back to sleep.)
And it get slower, making my mood worse. It's gonna come on Monday now. Making the whole trip mean nothing!
I am totally exhausted and fall asleep at 7:00 pm. I wake up around 9:00 am and go get me and mom some free hotel breakfast. I spilled coffee all over my hand and almost fell down the stairs, to say the least.
Mom was in a good mood. Hooray for her! I was nice to her and said nothing, turning the weather on for her to find out herself. She takes another nap instead.
To put it quite plainly and quickly...She finally got the concept of the whole situation around 1:00 and left around 1:30.
Then, our car starting knocking and we had to drive for 2 hours with the nosiest car EVER. We finally got home, and we are planning on going to Evan's baptism. Except now, I don't want to go because our car will blow up and if it doesn't, it will still be an embarrassing piece of junk!
*breathe in*out*in*out* calm...I'm just praying our mobile home doesn't blow away because mom is now refusing to go to bubba's for safety because "she can't smoke, and Bre won't want her there" She's so delusional and crazy, it scares me.
REBA
PS- I'm grateful to God because He has answered all my prayers about the hurricane so far. He's gotten us a good hotel that accepts pets, He's made the hurricane not go near Jax, and He has made our car make it to the house. He's the only one with any sanity or compassion toward me right now.