a new person a new life-- its all beautiful
so i miss livejournal. i miss writing down everything that happened during the day; my dreams; my experiences; my feelings; my life. so i'm going to try to begin to capture what happens everyday by writing about it. and you know what? i don't care if people coomment or read this thing anymore like i used to, so i'm just going to be real honest.
and my writing abilities have gone to hell apparently.
i used to write a lot more when i was on this thing. i guess its a muscle in your brain that needs constant stretching--one i have not flexed in a while.
but a lot of things are changing in my life. everyday i reach a different level of happiness and acceptance of who i am and what i want. all i dream about is music. singing. performing. writing new songs. different tunes to work on. different places to sing at. i'm obsessed. i'm in love. and i couldn't be happier than ever.
my voice and my musical ambitions have definetely flourished since i stopped writing here. i've gotten more serious than ever. it basically started last year when i decided to change my major. last spring i was diagnosed with major depression because i was stuck a deep hole. a blurry, desolate abyss. i was unhappy with what i was doing, how i looked, how i acted. i didn't know where i was going and i was not happy with my singing. yes, my vocal technique was established when i studied opera, but it wasnt what i wanted out of life. i wanted more than to learn songs in different languages only to belt out as loud as i can. i couldn't connect with the art the way it deserved to be executed. i did not have the same passion for opera than i did for singing itself. but one day it changed.
one day i was laying on the beach, on the sand, and under the sun, with my friend ashley. she let me borrow her ipod and i scrolled down her playlist and saw BEBEL GILBERTO. within hearing the first 10 seconds of her album Tanto Tempo i immediately knew. i knew that this was the music that i wnated to produce. beautiful, intimate, jazz, bossanova, gorgeous delicious music. its so hard to explain because it spoke to me with feelings and not words.
so i auditioned and they actually accepted me to the jazz program at UM. its been a whole year since.
and my voice and my musicianship skills and my dreams and passions are more vivd than ever. i've evolved into soomething i never thought would happen and i just keep growing.
so i guess i'm going to start writing in this thing again just like how i used to when i was high school. i used to be really happy back then too. very driven, very focused, very real. and i feel like i'm the same again. i feel like i've woken up from this 2 year haze. and thats what it was. it was a haze.
depression.
depression exists and its not fun at all. but you know what? i don't think i would be able to taste so so sooooooooo sweet and delicious if i hadn't been so sour. and that was cheesy. but i have a point i promise.
alright.
i'll stop this for now. i hope i really do update this thing more often. even if no one leaves comments. its not about that anymore.
peace and love.....
and my writing abilities have gone to hell apparently.
i used to write a lot more when i was on this thing. i guess its a muscle in your brain that needs constant stretching--one i have not flexed in a while.
but a lot of things are changing in my life. everyday i reach a different level of happiness and acceptance of who i am and what i want. all i dream about is music. singing. performing. writing new songs. different tunes to work on. different places to sing at. i'm obsessed. i'm in love. and i couldn't be happier than ever.
my voice and my musical ambitions have definetely flourished since i stopped writing here. i've gotten more serious than ever. it basically started last year when i decided to change my major. last spring i was diagnosed with major depression because i was stuck a deep hole. a blurry, desolate abyss. i was unhappy with what i was doing, how i looked, how i acted. i didn't know where i was going and i was not happy with my singing. yes, my vocal technique was established when i studied opera, but it wasnt what i wanted out of life. i wanted more than to learn songs in different languages only to belt out as loud as i can. i couldn't connect with the art the way it deserved to be executed. i did not have the same passion for opera than i did for singing itself. but one day it changed.
one day i was laying on the beach, on the sand, and under the sun, with my friend ashley. she let me borrow her ipod and i scrolled down her playlist and saw BEBEL GILBERTO. within hearing the first 10 seconds of her album Tanto Tempo i immediately knew. i knew that this was the music that i wnated to produce. beautiful, intimate, jazz, bossanova, gorgeous delicious music. its so hard to explain because it spoke to me with feelings and not words.
so i auditioned and they actually accepted me to the jazz program at UM. its been a whole year since.
and my voice and my musicianship skills and my dreams and passions are more vivd than ever. i've evolved into soomething i never thought would happen and i just keep growing.
so i guess i'm going to start writing in this thing again just like how i used to when i was high school. i used to be really happy back then too. very driven, very focused, very real. and i feel like i'm the same again. i feel like i've woken up from this 2 year haze. and thats what it was. it was a haze.
depression.
depression exists and its not fun at all. but you know what? i don't think i would be able to taste so so sooooooooo sweet and delicious if i hadn't been so sour. and that was cheesy. but i have a point i promise.
alright.
i'll stop this for now. i hope i really do update this thing more often. even if no one leaves comments. its not about that anymore.
peace and love.....