here is something for you to chew on
Im that one in a million person, that one person who knows what they want to do in their life.
But im the only idiot that cant seem to make it work.
I watch you when your looking, miles away and never in your site.
I keep a mental note of all the heart break and heart ache that you and I parallel.
Never once have I felt sane, and in control until recently.
Come to find out it was all a façade, all something i made up in my head, yet again to make me sleep at night.
People ask if im happy, and I confidently reply "never more so"
My lies and misleading conduct have gotten me this far, why cant I continue, keep it up like I have for so long?
What has changed?
Who are you and why are you staring back at me in the mirror?
I have given my all to you, and you, and you, yet no one has given me a sense of satisfaction.
If only you knew it was you.
When speaking in riddles, or tongues I feel most efficient.
Never straight forward, never as blunt as it seems.
I had my place and I abandoned it, to seek what I thought was better.
Only to find out that nothing better was in store for me.
I feel like im running in a treadmill, in the gym, only I never go to the gym.
I can fake making you understand, I can fake anything.
I don't know what is real and what is fake anymore, I cant differentiate between the real world, my head and my world.
No one will ever read this and understand, but to me it makes more sense, perfect sense, and I am proud for once.
Not proud in a physical, emotional, or mental state, but in my own telepathic state.
Call me dramatic, call me self indulged, call me crazy, call me an old soul.
It all fits, like a glove, and I speak in clichés because it is the only way I know how to make references.
Over education, and over stimulation has allowed me to create this realm that I live in.
It is not a world or a reality, because it is made up, it is a figment of my imagination, it is conscious and sub conscience melded together.
Only dreams are to exist in this sense, yet I never feel as if I am dreaming, or do dream.
To me it is all "real" all the happenings, in both psyches.
I feel like I have let out everything and nothing all at once, there is so much more, but again I cannot tell the difference between it all.
Never have I met someone like myself, or have I?
Can someone else mask it as well as I have?
Or am I the only one?
Or are we all like this and are so ashamed, yes ashamed, that we never let it out, we allow ourselves to feel ostracized and expelled from the rest, only to later find out we were all clinically the same, painfully equal.
Ive tried to put it in words to you, but you always fight back with the same argument, you really don't get it, or choose not too, and I don't know what to do anymore.
Never has anyone made me want to kill myself more.
But I wake up everyday with hopes it will all come to and end, and you will finally see me in my light.
I wish I could only blame this on drunk ramblings, but never have I gotten to that point.
My truth is always there, and I let it out in strange and awkward circumstances, only to find out I have scared the others, and made myself even more of an "outsider".
Its all too much and not enough.
There you go again, blaming me, and taking credit all at once.
I wish I could kill you first and then me, but it would only seem selfish to the naked eye.
But I would have to kill all of me, and there are so many of me.
All of those cop outs, those "if I cant have you, no one can" people, they are not selfish, until they do the deed.
I believe everyone at some point in time takes the light off themselves and shines it onto others.
Some people just use their turns in the wrong way at the wrong time.
Will I ever find someone that understands?
Or will I be proven to be the clinical, medical, mentally, physically, emotionally sick person that I seem to be on the inside and out?
Institutionalized for life.
What a crock of shit you are.
But im the only idiot that cant seem to make it work.
I watch you when your looking, miles away and never in your site.
I keep a mental note of all the heart break and heart ache that you and I parallel.
Never once have I felt sane, and in control until recently.
Come to find out it was all a façade, all something i made up in my head, yet again to make me sleep at night.
People ask if im happy, and I confidently reply "never more so"
My lies and misleading conduct have gotten me this far, why cant I continue, keep it up like I have for so long?
What has changed?
Who are you and why are you staring back at me in the mirror?
I have given my all to you, and you, and you, yet no one has given me a sense of satisfaction.
If only you knew it was you.
When speaking in riddles, or tongues I feel most efficient.
Never straight forward, never as blunt as it seems.
I had my place and I abandoned it, to seek what I thought was better.
Only to find out that nothing better was in store for me.
I feel like im running in a treadmill, in the gym, only I never go to the gym.
I can fake making you understand, I can fake anything.
I don't know what is real and what is fake anymore, I cant differentiate between the real world, my head and my world.
No one will ever read this and understand, but to me it makes more sense, perfect sense, and I am proud for once.
Not proud in a physical, emotional, or mental state, but in my own telepathic state.
Call me dramatic, call me self indulged, call me crazy, call me an old soul.
It all fits, like a glove, and I speak in clichés because it is the only way I know how to make references.
Over education, and over stimulation has allowed me to create this realm that I live in.
It is not a world or a reality, because it is made up, it is a figment of my imagination, it is conscious and sub conscience melded together.
Only dreams are to exist in this sense, yet I never feel as if I am dreaming, or do dream.
To me it is all "real" all the happenings, in both psyches.
I feel like I have let out everything and nothing all at once, there is so much more, but again I cannot tell the difference between it all.
Never have I met someone like myself, or have I?
Can someone else mask it as well as I have?
Or am I the only one?
Or are we all like this and are so ashamed, yes ashamed, that we never let it out, we allow ourselves to feel ostracized and expelled from the rest, only to later find out we were all clinically the same, painfully equal.
Ive tried to put it in words to you, but you always fight back with the same argument, you really don't get it, or choose not too, and I don't know what to do anymore.
Never has anyone made me want to kill myself more.
But I wake up everyday with hopes it will all come to and end, and you will finally see me in my light.
I wish I could only blame this on drunk ramblings, but never have I gotten to that point.
My truth is always there, and I let it out in strange and awkward circumstances, only to find out I have scared the others, and made myself even more of an "outsider".
Its all too much and not enough.
There you go again, blaming me, and taking credit all at once.
I wish I could kill you first and then me, but it would only seem selfish to the naked eye.
But I would have to kill all of me, and there are so many of me.
All of those cop outs, those "if I cant have you, no one can" people, they are not selfish, until they do the deed.
I believe everyone at some point in time takes the light off themselves and shines it onto others.
Some people just use their turns in the wrong way at the wrong time.
Will I ever find someone that understands?
Or will I be proven to be the clinical, medical, mentally, physically, emotionally sick person that I seem to be on the inside and out?
Institutionalized for life.
What a crock of shit you are.