Emo Easter -_-
Been trying to do less of these whiny emo posts but I had to write this one cuz I woke up with it eating at me & I just gotta vent.
Last Easter my grandfather passed away. I didn't realize til he passed away that he was the closest thing I ever had to a male role model in my life. I took him for granted & I feel guilty about it all the time. He was my superman & it seemed like he could live on to his 100s the way he was able to do everything. I just feel so much guilt when I think about him. I feel guilty that I never got to say goodbye. I feel guilty that the last time I could have seen him I hid from him cuz it was shortly after I left home & I was hiding from my mom(i was also drinking for the first time & i was a underage & they woulda killed me). Its a guilt that eats at me pretty bad & I've got this lump in my throat/pit in my stomach just thinking about it. I even have a picture of him my grandmother mailed me that I never took out of the envelope cuz I know I'm going to lose it looking at him again. Only thing I have to somewhat console me is my job. He was doing the same job I am for walmart before he died & he would've been so happy if he heard I was doing the same thing as him. that's why it'll probably be a long time before I ever quit publix. I know it's murder on my body & the hours are shit & i get like 0 respect but it's the only part of my life that i don't feel he's looking down on me in shame. it's the only thing i'm not a complete failure at.
/rant
RIP - Reyes Montoya
Last Easter my grandfather passed away. I didn't realize til he passed away that he was the closest thing I ever had to a male role model in my life. I took him for granted & I feel guilty about it all the time. He was my superman & it seemed like he could live on to his 100s the way he was able to do everything. I just feel so much guilt when I think about him. I feel guilty that I never got to say goodbye. I feel guilty that the last time I could have seen him I hid from him cuz it was shortly after I left home & I was hiding from my mom(i was also drinking for the first time & i was a underage & they woulda killed me). Its a guilt that eats at me pretty bad & I've got this lump in my throat/pit in my stomach just thinking about it. I even have a picture of him my grandmother mailed me that I never took out of the envelope cuz I know I'm going to lose it looking at him again. Only thing I have to somewhat console me is my job. He was doing the same job I am for walmart before he died & he would've been so happy if he heard I was doing the same thing as him. that's why it'll probably be a long time before I ever quit publix. I know it's murder on my body & the hours are shit & i get like 0 respect but it's the only part of my life that i don't feel he's looking down on me in shame. it's the only thing i'm not a complete failure at.
/rant
RIP - Reyes Montoya