Highs & Lows (Random Ranting)
My Halloween playlist was as follows:
D. Gray Man 1-4
Stay Alive
Deathnote 1-4
Was supposed to watch The Grudge too but I passed out from work exhaustion.
So yeah, Halloween was uneventful to say the least -_-. Worked 11am-7pm that day & tried to make an attempt to get into the holiday spirit when i got home but it didn't really work. Wish I could dressed up & had fun like my friends did. I've been wanting to do cosplay lately what with my recent return to anime >>;;. There's this one guy in D. Gray Man I'd love to cosplay as but I need to find out who he is first lol. He just looks really cool & he has a prop that I'd love to carry around a convention center lol. Though I shouldn't really think about cosplaying seeing as though I'm not going to a con til like next summer at earliest -_-.
I miss my friends. My real friends that is....OTAHouse. Only friends I've ever felt like I was an equal member of the group. Hanging out with Jon(Geki) I just feel like a lackey & he gives me more headaches than anything. Even in high school felt lower than everyone else cuz I wasn't a super student like they were & I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I wasn't bad at school, I just didn't have all AP classes & I was a B student. I just really suck at upper-level math. But yeah, I loved OTAHouse so much cuz it was the first place I've ever felt like I was an equal part of the group.
If I hear someone say, "Chris/Rock needs a woman" one more time I'm goin Hulk on their ass. You think I don't know that?! I can't handle a girlfriend right now so I'm trying not to worry about it for once but it's hard when you throw it in my face when I'm trying to focus on whatever I'm doing. There's no way I can make someone happy at this stage of life I'm at. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, don't have a car, not going to school, got a shit-paying job(that i actually enjoy to some extent. the job makes me feel like i'm actually accomplishing something even if it does destroy my body), & just an overall nothing going on for me. I have nothing to offer a woman except my love. Some of my friends try to cheer me up & say that love is all some people need but I don't want to be a burden to anyone & that's all I would be if I hooked up with someone. Yeah I may be damn lonely but I'd rather have this than ruin another person's life because of worthlessness(flashbacks to ruining my mother's life).
There's good stuff goin on in my life too, make no mistake. I got my own place(kinda). I'm renting a spare room outta my friend-from-work Brent's apartment. I got it set up pretty nice & I can't remember the last time I felt so comfortable. I have even been doing good on groceries & am eating rice & veggies & stuff instead of not eating anything 'cept for a bag of chips for a few days. Only downside is that I've lost touch with like everyone & I've got this paranoia that josh/sachi hate me so I can't work up the courage to even strike simple conversation with them whenever I see them. But I definitely have more positive days than negative living here.
I was getting pretty sad for a while now until awesomeness struck yesterday. Me & my roommate Brent are in the midst of planning a trip to the Tenacious D concert in Atlanta on 12/5. You have no idea how excited I am for this.
Anyone thinking of getting me anything for Christmas, don't worry about it. I don't need anything. I just like getting you guys gifts which I can actually do this year for once. If you try to ask me what I want, you're not gonna get the answer for a while cuz I usually put up a fight cuz I don't want you guys wasting money on me lol. Eventually I will cave but there's not a whole lot I need/want.
Anyways, sorry for the long rant & not knowing how to cut my entries cuz I'm an LJ noob.
D. Gray Man 1-4
Stay Alive
Deathnote 1-4
Was supposed to watch The Grudge too but I passed out from work exhaustion.
So yeah, Halloween was uneventful to say the least -_-. Worked 11am-7pm that day & tried to make an attempt to get into the holiday spirit when i got home but it didn't really work. Wish I could dressed up & had fun like my friends did. I've been wanting to do cosplay lately what with my recent return to anime >>;;. There's this one guy in D. Gray Man I'd love to cosplay as but I need to find out who he is first lol. He just looks really cool & he has a prop that I'd love to carry around a convention center lol. Though I shouldn't really think about cosplaying seeing as though I'm not going to a con til like next summer at earliest -_-.
I miss my friends. My real friends that is....OTAHouse. Only friends I've ever felt like I was an equal member of the group. Hanging out with Jon(Geki) I just feel like a lackey & he gives me more headaches than anything. Even in high school felt lower than everyone else cuz I wasn't a super student like they were & I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I wasn't bad at school, I just didn't have all AP classes & I was a B student. I just really suck at upper-level math. But yeah, I loved OTAHouse so much cuz it was the first place I've ever felt like I was an equal part of the group.
If I hear someone say, "Chris/Rock needs a woman" one more time I'm goin Hulk on their ass. You think I don't know that?! I can't handle a girlfriend right now so I'm trying not to worry about it for once but it's hard when you throw it in my face when I'm trying to focus on whatever I'm doing. There's no way I can make someone happy at this stage of life I'm at. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, don't have a car, not going to school, got a shit-paying job(that i actually enjoy to some extent. the job makes me feel like i'm actually accomplishing something even if it does destroy my body), & just an overall nothing going on for me. I have nothing to offer a woman except my love. Some of my friends try to cheer me up & say that love is all some people need but I don't want to be a burden to anyone & that's all I would be if I hooked up with someone. Yeah I may be damn lonely but I'd rather have this than ruin another person's life because of worthlessness(flashbacks to ruining my mother's life).
There's good stuff goin on in my life too, make no mistake. I got my own place(kinda). I'm renting a spare room outta my friend-from-work Brent's apartment. I got it set up pretty nice & I can't remember the last time I felt so comfortable. I have even been doing good on groceries & am eating rice & veggies & stuff instead of not eating anything 'cept for a bag of chips for a few days. Only downside is that I've lost touch with like everyone & I've got this paranoia that josh/sachi hate me so I can't work up the courage to even strike simple conversation with them whenever I see them. But I definitely have more positive days than negative living here.
I was getting pretty sad for a while now until awesomeness struck yesterday. Me & my roommate Brent are in the midst of planning a trip to the Tenacious D concert in Atlanta on 12/5. You have no idea how excited I am for this.
Anyone thinking of getting me anything for Christmas, don't worry about it. I don't need anything. I just like getting you guys gifts which I can actually do this year for once. If you try to ask me what I want, you're not gonna get the answer for a while cuz I usually put up a fight cuz I don't want you guys wasting money on me lol. Eventually I will cave but there's not a whole lot I need/want.
Anyways, sorry for the long rant & not knowing how to cut my entries cuz I'm an LJ noob.