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[rockit_girl]

I was on Facebook not too long ago and saw that the group of people I hung out with in high school are renting out a place and are having a Prom.

I haven't spoken with the vast majority of these people in forever, so I shouldn't care what they do. But this bothers me on a fundamental level. They are in their mid to late 20's, married, engaged, or

Comments

[dmbfan41]

I don't hate you for posting this as you can certainly have whatever opinion about us that you would like. But I do think that a rebuttal is needed here.

Yes, the facts are correct. We did throw a prom. We rented out a place and invited about 40 friends, got a DJ, provided food for everyone, and we danced the night away. This was not about being stuck in our high school years. This was about throwing a party for friends, not to relive the past, but to celebrate the friendships of today. Friendships that in some cases are close to 15-20 years. Some that are only just a few weeks or months.

I don't know what you know about all of us, and I won't tell you everything. But, some of us are married, some of us are engaged, no kids to report (or atleast none that I know of). I do still hang out with some people that I have known going back to elementary, middle, and high school. But I also hang out with people that I have met in the past year or two. Many times these friends have become friends because of the friends that I grew up with. And you know what? I am very thankful for that. I am proud to say that I have such a strong group of friends. Also, most of us actually don't live at home with our mommy and daddy's. Some have a home, some are living in apartments, and yes, some are still living at home (but in today's world, is this such a bad thing?) All of us have jobs thank you very much, some are still going to school. Grow up? We have all grown up. You know what else has grown? Our friendships.

Even though you haven't seen much of us in the past few years (you can blame us if you'd like), thanks to the world of social networking we get a chance to see how you are doing. Having the opportunity to go to school in Maine and Hawaii. Graduating with a doctorate, now living up in Alaska with your boyfriend. Congratulations on all of your successes. I certainly couldn't be happier for you. I'd say that most of us are happy about your achievements.

We all don't have a perfect life, there will always be some kind of limbo. Ambition? Motivation? We all have it. Some have achieved their dreams, some are still pursuing, some may be unsure of the dreams that they want, but everyone is doing something. Everyone is keeping busy. We are not hanging out at 3 in the morning, drinking soda, and playing board games during the week. We all work and when we are not working, we are having a damn good time hanging out with each other.

You can be proud of who you are, where are you, and what you have accomplished. I'm not sure what happened that you have these feelings towards us. If there is some hostility, let's talk about it and make peace. Or if you want to keep these feelings about us, that's certainly fine as well. That is up to you.

All the best to you Ally. And I do hope that you have a group of friends as great as the group I have here.

[rockit_girl]

Obviously I have offended you, and for that I'm sorry. You were never one of the people from high school that i refer to. Neither is Andrew or a select others. There are people from knolls (and hills) that I hung out with that I reference more than the following people: you, Andrew, Alex, bill, Amy, Meredith, Emily, etc. They are all great people aNd you should be proud of those friendships. Beyond Amy, I don't talk to any of them anymore. That stopped just immediately after high school. The fault for that is both my own and theirs. Even in high school no one really took the opportunity to get to know me. Did you know that until towards the end of high school I battled clinical depression and OCD? No? No one did because no one took the opportunity to get to know me. I do resent that because that meant all 4 years of my high school were spent in misery. I was alone.

So can you blame me for hating the idea of a prom? A party to celebrate friendship sounds amazing. Especially with friends that you've had since elementary school. I have those friends too: Rachel, Adam, Alexis, Christina, Mandy, David.... No one knew those people because I went to a different elementary school in a different state. Did you know that? But to label a party a prom, with a theme,

[rockit_girl]

Tells me it was more than just a party celebrating friendship. You can have those anytime. So why a prom?

In addition, I admit there is jealousy. Jealousy because I was never given much time of day by any of you (with the exception of Amy and Amanda E, both of whom I am still friends with). Jealousy because even in college when I tried to maintain a friendship with Bill it never worked out for reasons I won't mention here. Jealousy because for the last 8 years of my life I have worked my ass off to get where I am and there has been NO free time to go out partying.

I also have a personal qualm about people not taking advantage of their lives to the fullest by experiencing new things or going out of their comfort zone. by my standards, none of you have.

The point is: I hold no grudge against you, personally. You are a good person. As is every one of the denville people. But can you blame me for holding a grudge against a group of people that were supposedly my friends but never gave me much time of day? Not one of you ever, ever knew the real me. Ever.

Growing up, at least for me, meant leaving home and finding out who I really am versus pretending to be a part of a group. Individualization. And I had absolutely NO idea what that meant until I actually left.

I am the happiest now than I have ever been. I have friends from all over the world and country that I keep in touch with. I have found the love of my life and want to spend every waking moment with him. I have the job of my dreams. I have money and financial stability and job security. I have everything I could ever want. And I would never have done it had I stayed in the same home town with the same experiences and the same friends. I expanded.

[rockit_girl]

So then let's talk. We can make our peace, as you say. We can share life stories and laugh. But now we are of 2 totally different worlds and it will be a different sort of friendship. We have both grown in different ways and view the world differently.

Are you happy, Jared? Happy with your decisions in life? Satisfied with friendships and love interests? Happy with your post college grad life? I don't ask to be sarcastic or rude, as talking via Internet can often be perceived. I ask out of genuine curiosity. If we are to make peace then it means getting to know one another when I was denied that so long ago.

[dmbfan41]

I didn't know you were battling that in high school. I know that I felt alone a lot of the time in high school. I think a lot of us went through it, high school sucked. We all say it. I remember that you grew up elsewhere, Ohio, right? I can't say about any one else, but I know that communication was not my best thing in high school and afterwards (go figure: that's my degree). I try my best not to have regrets, but I do certainly wish I was more social then. Now I want everyone to talk when they are feeling down, back then I was so involved with my own feelings and issues that I didn't really ask how anyone else was feeling.

Why a prom? Why not? It was just a party idea, an opportunity for everyone to get together and get dressed up and just party. No one there wanted to relive high school. It was just a way to throw a party (usually, our parties are just in our apartments. This was a lot more involved in this. We started out with an idea, a few months of planning, finding a location, finding food, decorations, a DJ. And I am thrilled to say that it went from a crazy idea at first to really happening. We threw a hell of a party, to me, that's a hell of an accomplishment.

Again, I can't speak for your friendship between you and everyone else. But, as far as you and me go, I do feel bad that a friendship didn't really continue on in college. I remember you visited me at FDU, and then I visited you at Montclair. Then you transferred to TCNJ and there was more distance. Then when everyone was home, you weren't in the Denville/Rockaway area. So I saw less of you. I could've called and tried to make plans, but then again I was also hoping to hear from you as well. That's the story of how friendships usually end, everyone is waiting around for someone to make a move and then before you know it, years go by and it feels like it's too late.

[dmbfan41]

You shouldn't feel jealous that you didn't have any time to have fun. You should feel good that you dedicated yourself to your studies and you are where you are today because of it. Your standards are yours. Everyone has their own. I agree, I think people should be living their life to the fullest and experiencing new things and new people. But it's up to the individual to decide how they want to live their life and how they want to enjoy it.

All that matters now is that you are happy where you are. It is great, that you have the job, the boyfriend, financial security, job security, you felt like you had to leave to find all of this, and everything has worked out for you, so obviously it was the correct decision. But not everyone needs to travel the world and seven seas to seek happiness. Everyone grows at a separate pace.

I'd be more than happy to talk and make peace. This is 2012. The only way that you are worlds apart is if you don't have the internet. As far as my own happiness goes, I haven't found eternal bliss just yet. But I work at it everyday, I always try to find something that makes me happy and rid my life of anything that tries to bring me down. I am single, but I am ready to settle down with someone, it bothers me that I haven't found her yet, but the hope that she is out there somewhere is enough to keep me going. But I can say that I am happy about other things. It took me 3 years after college to make enough money to move away from home (even if it was just moving to Budd Lake). But once I moved out, I found a job at a publishing company and i've been there for a year and a few months. I consider myself to be gaining valuable work experience. Is this my dream job? Not at all, but I am at a job that I don't dread waking up, and I am not waiting for 5:00 to get up and get home. But I am making enough to money to support living on my own, trying to save money for the future, and I'll be working at this job until I reach a point where I say, OK, it's time for something different. Am I happy? Not completely, not by a long shot. But I can say I work at a job that I like, I get to spend time with friends that I like, and I get to participate in activates that I like. There's always room for more happiness. And I am always seeking a new way to find more. Hopefully that answers your question.

And you aren't the only one that was denied getting to know each other, it was me as well.