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Aug 23, 2005 11:33


As the summer starts its slow and fading exit, I think it's a time everyone starts to fall off into wonder of "what ifs" and wishes. So I'm venting here. I know I took a break, but I doubt anything I would have written up until now would had been worth writing. Actually, the hesitation in within me, due to the typing of these thoughts and emotions, is overwelming, but I will continue.

To you, the reader, It has most likly become obvious, I have many topics to discuss. Yet, I decided for my first, I'd start with something that has nothing to do with anything. :

I guess It all started when I began to read the book, Stranger Than Fiction, a Chuck Palahniuk novel. There is a short story in this book that just starts raving about a short story that goes under the name, "The Harvest", which is written by an Amy Hempel.. Chuck's story is about a writing technique, minimalism. Minimalism can be defined as  the use of the fewest and barest essentials or elements, as in the arts, literature, or design. Now after reading comments and praises, such as, "Every sentence isn't crafted, it's tortured over. Every quote and joke, what Hempel tosses out comedian-style, is something funny or profound enough you'll remember it for years" and "you will never write this well. You won't learn this part until you've ruined a lot of paper, wasting your free time with a pen in one hand for years and years. At any horrible moment, you might pick up a copy of Amy hempel and findd your best is just a cheap ri-off of her worst.", I was forced to read a little Amy Hempel. I read it, I liked, but all of this is coming down to one thing that has been bothering me, you read both books and you will understand this to its entirety. Chuck states that she does not use time, or measurment, which makes the story more shopisticated, yet throughout her entire short story, of seven pages, detailed dates, times and ages are not found to be scarce at all. He fools by giving you the line, "The year I began to say vahz instead of vase, a man I barely knew nearly accidentally killed me.", which is nothing but brillent, yet it's downhill from there. I was impressed by the story but from what I heard Chuck say about it, I was disapointed. But anyway, read The Harvest. It is quite a breath taking story. First it appears as a list of details, funny, quick witted, heart-breaking details, but you will find it to mean more. For those who actually read it, comment back, it will make for awsome disscussion.

That leads us right into another reason I am typing this. There is a part of me that often wonder, did I make the wrong choice, the wrong turn somewhere? I ended up this summer, missing out I guess. Not to say I did not have an awsome summer for the adverage 15 year old girl. I had late nights, sneaking out, getting drunk, boyfriends, bestfriends, horrid okward situations, I don't know, what recently happened to me would make any girl begin to think this way. I look back on this summer and I regret three things.
  1. I did not have one deep disscussion, I didnt read, inform my self, stay up to date on important issues, I barly used my brain, I also slacked off in film making and film criticing, all I did was talk, I talked Big, I was full of crap. My regret is I talked so much and barly did any of the goals I did. If I want to make films someday, and If I wish to excel and get into NYU I have to change. My family is going to become so warped this year, with my brother gone, and It's up to me I guess. In the end, I regret not making the effort with some friends, friends who get this, who like thinking, and reading, and discovering, and analyzing and contributing to society. It's sad how much I might have missed out on, and I decided for the last part of summer I should make it up.
  2. Not figuring out everythign I stated previously and figuring out who I am, until now. I guess I regret my timing.
  3. An event that took place on an evening sometime in mid July at around 12 am. This event took over the last two weeks of my life and has forced me to mature and has set me up on a new level of regret. I am not really sure how I want to handle telling people about this, or how Im handling this my self, so Im just ignoring it for now.

In the end, I made some mistakes this summer, and I feel like, I was not, who I wish to be. I did not say what I wished to say. There are so many Ideas building up in me, so many topics I wish to discuss

Ive decided I should make some goals and six months from now I can come and look back at this, see who I have become since then

My Goals
  • Work, really work, for once in school
  • In my two creative writing classes, use both to my benifit, so I end up making one fucking brillent movie by the end of the year to send into NYU for my summer camp/early college credit application.
  • Get a job before school year ends and start saving for a camera, and NYU summer film school
  • finsh my list of Movies to see, that is of now, steer off into more indie flicks, sundance film festival winners, and start critiques.
  • Study up on directors.. you have to know the past before you can go an create the future.
  • Finish the  three screenplays.
  • Invest more time, into planning backups, exploring other cities, then NYC, even check out CMU's film school
  • Meet more film oriented students
  • Get back on track, with ideas. have real disscussions with real people
  • Do well, and become starter for field hockey, try forward possition
  • Do more around the house to keep my mom happy
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