(no subject)
Hmm the mysteries of life. You will never know why or who or how. All you will know is that you are here and there is no reason to allow anything to ruin that. Some people say im stupid but i know what i want and why i do what I do. I dont hope for something, i know its there, i just wish that one day when all the pieces fall together and the big plan unfolds i will know that i am right. I will know that the choices i made to get me here are the right ones and that I can do anything. I dont want to move on, i am happy with the way things are. Some stuff hurts but then again its that same stuff that proves to me that I am who I am. That proves that I can survive, that i can be what i want to be. It proves that there are people so afraid of me that they must constantly tell themself otherwise. Its empowering. sp? To know that me being myself not trying to accomplish anything can bring so much fear, knowing that I have so much to give that someone would constantly have to remind themselves why they are where they are. Its great, you dont have to admit it, you wont. You dont even know that, that is how it is, you are so into your little world that you are sheltering yourself and thats fine. Go ahead. I am not afraid, I am not afraid of losing you. I am afraid of not being able to express the feelings I have. Its not a lie, I love you more than anything, I know what I want. And if i cant have it then fine life moves on. But atleast I know what I want, atleast I know I have the freedom to go out and do anything with anyone but not want to. I dont want to touch anyone else besides you. Its amazing I know because of my great reputation as PIMP. HA you know me better than that and thats why I love you. Even after all you pyt me through I will always be there, friendship or no. Because I want to be, I want to be there for you when you need it. When you call because you are having trouble with friends, or because you need to talk about someone in your family thats been hurt. I am not trying to win you back. I am just laying it out how it is. I know you dont want to hear that but, oh well thats bullshit, god damn if you were truly over then it wouldnt matter what I said because you would just accept it and realize that it meant nothing, and that the feelings just werent there. But hiding isnt the way to go. Sorry whenever you think about me you get depressed. Its ok life goes on, shit happens, lifes a garden dig it you got to keep on keepin on. Just know that I love you and accept it.