Something better to celebrate
St. Patrick's Day '01 wasn't about the green beer and green clothes and crowded irish pubs where everyone is attempting to be as Irish as they can this time around. This year, I am priviledged to say I took part in a far better alternative, a much more creative tribute...forget about scrounging the closet for an article of green clothing, go find a Hawaiian shirt & a thick mustache, 'cause you're going to a Tom Selleck/Burt Reynolds Party, baby!
The girls who hosted the party are my new idols. They put on the theme party extraordinairre, hands down. They had the Magnum PI type shirts, complete with CHEST HAIR and MUSTACHES. The mustache was gonna be the big clincher for the night. Of course, males like Ronnie already have their very own facial hair that they can sculpt and mold into their very own mustaches (and his was NICE!), but the hostesses provided big bushy leopard print material that each guest could cut and shape into their own personal mustache and apply with eyelash adhesive. Absurd as it may sound, the leopard print actually served as a fine piece of material, because the colors were mixed, and it looked very peppered, very "natural". I was going for the handlebar at first, but fucked it up, so I ended up with just a short thick one that I could be proud of.
When I told my mom that I was going to a Tom Selleck/Burt Reynolds party, she exclaimed (in her Mary Poppins-esque way) "If there really are boys there that look like Tom Selleck, you'll really be in for a treat!". God bless my mom.
Anyway...let's not forget the Burt Reynolds half in the theme party title, either. The girls had cheesy videos of Cannonball Run and Cannonball II (I think, I can't keep 'em straight) for our viewing pleasure, and man are there some fine confrontations between 70's style cop cars and big rigs. Action at it's finest. And we got to see Burt straddle the trunk of an elephant with his tight, denim clad legs. S E X Y .
In keeping with the "manly-man" theme ('cause how could you be more of a manly-man than Tom & Burt?) the girls served Colt 45 Beer, Manwiches, Baked beans, Cheetos, and Pringles (nice 'stache on the can). And for the record, that Manwich was some good eatin'! One of the funnier things to watch was how everyone managed to eat a sloppy joe despite the big, artificial tufts of hair that were sitting on top of everyone's lip.
And because there has to be an underlying theme of obsession here, I'll disclose some information about one of the hostesses. I don't know the whole story in it's entirety, but I do know that one day, she was entering a studio that Tom Selleck was in before her, and he left behind a very valuable souvenir---A toothpick. That's right, a toothpick. Do you have any idea how much Tom Selleck DNA could've been left on that toothpick?!? Test-tube babies via the Tom Selleck DNA toothpick. It's sits proudly atop the television in a small glass protective globe.
For those of you not really feeling me on the whole Tom Selleck/Burt Reynolds thing, check this:
The Church of Burt
Tom Selleck
The girls who hosted the party are my new idols. They put on the theme party extraordinairre, hands down. They had the Magnum PI type shirts, complete with CHEST HAIR and MUSTACHES. The mustache was gonna be the big clincher for the night. Of course, males like Ronnie already have their very own facial hair that they can sculpt and mold into their very own mustaches (and his was NICE!), but the hostesses provided big bushy leopard print material that each guest could cut and shape into their own personal mustache and apply with eyelash adhesive. Absurd as it may sound, the leopard print actually served as a fine piece of material, because the colors were mixed, and it looked very peppered, very "natural". I was going for the handlebar at first, but fucked it up, so I ended up with just a short thick one that I could be proud of.
When I told my mom that I was going to a Tom Selleck/Burt Reynolds party, she exclaimed (in her Mary Poppins-esque way) "If there really are boys there that look like Tom Selleck, you'll really be in for a treat!". God bless my mom.
Anyway...let's not forget the Burt Reynolds half in the theme party title, either. The girls had cheesy videos of Cannonball Run and Cannonball II (I think, I can't keep 'em straight) for our viewing pleasure, and man are there some fine confrontations between 70's style cop cars and big rigs. Action at it's finest. And we got to see Burt straddle the trunk of an elephant with his tight, denim clad legs. S E X Y .
In keeping with the "manly-man" theme ('cause how could you be more of a manly-man than Tom & Burt?) the girls served Colt 45 Beer, Manwiches, Baked beans, Cheetos, and Pringles (nice 'stache on the can). And for the record, that Manwich was some good eatin'! One of the funnier things to watch was how everyone managed to eat a sloppy joe despite the big, artificial tufts of hair that were sitting on top of everyone's lip.
And because there has to be an underlying theme of obsession here, I'll disclose some information about one of the hostesses. I don't know the whole story in it's entirety, but I do know that one day, she was entering a studio that Tom Selleck was in before her, and he left behind a very valuable souvenir---A toothpick. That's right, a toothpick. Do you have any idea how much Tom Selleck DNA could've been left on that toothpick?!? Test-tube babies via the Tom Selleck DNA toothpick. It's sits proudly atop the television in a small glass protective globe.
For those of you not really feeling me on the whole Tom Selleck/Burt Reynolds thing, check this:
The Church of Burt
Tom Selleck