A Blog Post Named Desire
I love to want things. I love to fantasize, especially when the fantasy is far-fetched. The further from reality it hangs, the more I want to cradle myself within it. I fantasize even about what I don’t want, just as long as it isn’t reality. I crave it, I’m addicted to it - I typically fall asleep not because I am actually tired but because I am laying there fantasizing - going deeper into myself until the waking world no longer seems a problem. I think this is more unhealthy than I realized.
I guess there is a conflict I have between excitement and what I actually want. Excitement seems so real - maybe I should be more specific. The realm of sex, partying, and sort of scraping by seems more accessible to me because it is what I have become accustomed to and I’m rather good at it. I think I could follow into a semi-successful career in advertising or marketing living that way. I’d have creativity and I’d be living passionately and I’d experience many things. But I cannot say I truly think it would be right - the most righteous path, the highest good I am capable of. Do I have to sacrifice it all?
Also, is it vain, is it contradictory to my dream, to want to be good looking and pretty and in shape for purely aesthetic reasons? Should I forsake my desire to be desired?
I guess there is a conflict I have between excitement and what I actually want. Excitement seems so real - maybe I should be more specific. The realm of sex, partying, and sort of scraping by seems more accessible to me because it is what I have become accustomed to and I’m rather good at it. I think I could follow into a semi-successful career in advertising or marketing living that way. I’d have creativity and I’d be living passionately and I’d experience many things. But I cannot say I truly think it would be right - the most righteous path, the highest good I am capable of. Do I have to sacrifice it all?
Also, is it vain, is it contradictory to my dream, to want to be good looking and pretty and in shape for purely aesthetic reasons? Should I forsake my desire to be desired?