I Got Rhythm
I woke up at 4 o’clock this morning. I tossed and turned and predicted that the waking hours to follow would reflect a similar searching for the right position.
I called in sick today. It isn’t that I really don’t want to work, in fact, I feel prepared to do more work today than usual. I just didn’t want to work at work. I left this morning to go to the motor vehicle registration office downtown because it was the last day I had to get the car in my name before my parent’s insurance ceased to insure it. I had already called in at this point and came to wonder what type of work I would still do today. It isn’t entirely a lie that I am sick - I did not take the best care of my digestive system last night and it is not providing me with the most comfortable situation today. But as I was driving back home, I couldn’t help but extend my drive a bit in order to listen to the piece on the radio. It took me back to high school, when I would wake up around this time and sit in orchestra every morning. I would then go about my day, a structure as old as the building that supported it, learning all the basics, each hour devoted to a different study. I liked the structure of high school. I liked it better than college. When I got back home I lay awake in my bed attempting to meditate - what did I like about that so much? A woodpecker tapping at the stucco of my house gave a suggestion; rhythm. Playing music nearly first thing in the morning set the rhythm for the day. It set my body in motion, my eyes to a page, and my mind for sustaining this pace, this piece.
Now, I’m going to try to think further. Is this only accessible through playing violin, being in orchestra, or could all music, even just listening, help to start the day? What classes would I put afterwards?
Ideally, I believe, the first thing I would do upon waking would be some form of exercise, physical movement. Then would follow music, then sciences throughout the day, then writing, literature, and arts in the evening. I would retire to a farm house, where I cultivate a vegetable garden and herbs and have fresh food waiting for me to prepare and a natural air wafting through the house. I do want to be in school, I do want to be in class - learning from books and people. What would I do for work? What could I do for work? I would gladly work at a library. I would also work at an herbalist, or apprentice some other natural medicine practitioner.
Is this life possible? Can I form this life into being and can I do it in Minneapolis? Could I forge through shit that I don’t know how to deal with like finances and bills and daily chores and habit forming and commitment? Is this life, this dream life possible and, if so, how do I build it? What can I do to work towards it? Am I sure I want it and how do I make it happen? I really can’t think of any reason I wouldn’t want it - I can’t think of anything better. There is a worry - there is the incompatibility with a main stream way of life - I am beginning to reject common things more and more every day. Things that my parents work to uphold and things my family and friends represent (maybe). I kind of hate what society has to offer me - at least here. Where can I find freedom? Is it in Minneapolis? Or will I just feel even more separated in pursuing my dreams? That’s what it is - I want to feel connected to people but pursue my own path at the same time. I don’t want to have to give in to fit in. I don’t want to have to sacrifice everything I love to be loved.
I called in sick today. It isn’t that I really don’t want to work, in fact, I feel prepared to do more work today than usual. I just didn’t want to work at work. I left this morning to go to the motor vehicle registration office downtown because it was the last day I had to get the car in my name before my parent’s insurance ceased to insure it. I had already called in at this point and came to wonder what type of work I would still do today. It isn’t entirely a lie that I am sick - I did not take the best care of my digestive system last night and it is not providing me with the most comfortable situation today. But as I was driving back home, I couldn’t help but extend my drive a bit in order to listen to the piece on the radio. It took me back to high school, when I would wake up around this time and sit in orchestra every morning. I would then go about my day, a structure as old as the building that supported it, learning all the basics, each hour devoted to a different study. I liked the structure of high school. I liked it better than college. When I got back home I lay awake in my bed attempting to meditate - what did I like about that so much? A woodpecker tapping at the stucco of my house gave a suggestion; rhythm. Playing music nearly first thing in the morning set the rhythm for the day. It set my body in motion, my eyes to a page, and my mind for sustaining this pace, this piece.
Now, I’m going to try to think further. Is this only accessible through playing violin, being in orchestra, or could all music, even just listening, help to start the day? What classes would I put afterwards?
Ideally, I believe, the first thing I would do upon waking would be some form of exercise, physical movement. Then would follow music, then sciences throughout the day, then writing, literature, and arts in the evening. I would retire to a farm house, where I cultivate a vegetable garden and herbs and have fresh food waiting for me to prepare and a natural air wafting through the house. I do want to be in school, I do want to be in class - learning from books and people. What would I do for work? What could I do for work? I would gladly work at a library. I would also work at an herbalist, or apprentice some other natural medicine practitioner.
Is this life possible? Can I form this life into being and can I do it in Minneapolis? Could I forge through shit that I don’t know how to deal with like finances and bills and daily chores and habit forming and commitment? Is this life, this dream life possible and, if so, how do I build it? What can I do to work towards it? Am I sure I want it and how do I make it happen? I really can’t think of any reason I wouldn’t want it - I can’t think of anything better. There is a worry - there is the incompatibility with a main stream way of life - I am beginning to reject common things more and more every day. Things that my parents work to uphold and things my family and friends represent (maybe). I kind of hate what society has to offer me - at least here. Where can I find freedom? Is it in Minneapolis? Or will I just feel even more separated in pursuing my dreams? That’s what it is - I want to feel connected to people but pursue my own path at the same time. I don’t want to have to give in to fit in. I don’t want to have to sacrifice everything I love to be loved.