Nov 19, 2012 20:21
I rarely do this, but it's a more full version of the second sentiment that's killing my brain.
'It’s not easy being in a relationship, much less to truly know the other one and accept them as they are with all their flaws and baggage. Jack confessed to me his fear of being rejected. And he realized after 2 years of being with me that he didn’t know me at all, nor did I know him, and to truly love each other we needed to know the truth about each other even if it is not so easy to take. So, I told him the truth, which was that I had never cheated on him. I confessed to Jack that the toughest thing for me was to decide to be with someone for good. The idea that this is it, this is the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, to decide that I will make the effort to stay and work things out and not run off the minute there is a problem is very difficult for me. And I told him I could not be for just one man for the rest of my life. It was a lie, but I said it anyway.
He asked me if he thought I was a squirrel collecting men like nuts to put away for cold winters. I thought it was quite funny. Then, he said something that hurt my feelings. The tone changed, drastically. Then, I misunderstood what he was saying. I thought he meant that he didn’t love me anymore and that he wanted to break up. It always fascinates me how people can go from loving you madly to nothing at all. Nothing. It hurts so much. When I have a feeling someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is: One more, one less. Another wasted love story. I really loved this one. When I think that it’s over, that I’ll never see him again like this. Well, yes, we’ll bump into each other, we’ll meet our new girlfriend and boyfriend and act as if we’d never been together. Then, we’ll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost. Always the same for me, break up, break down, drink up, fool around, meet one guy and then another, fuck around to forget the one and only. Then, after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately, look everywhere, and after two years of loneliness, meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well.
There’s a moment in life where you can’t recover from another break up. And even if this person bugs you 60% of the time, well, you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well, you love his sneezes more than anyone else’s kisses.'