concert/poem i wrote
so, pat, brittany, sam, caustin, and krissy and i went to the hinder, saving abel, kopek concert. let's just say that people were assholes and i almost got into a shitload of fights. thankfully, i didn't.
we left early cuz it sucked that badly.
then some guy tried to start a fight with pat, and pat [thankfuckingjesus] walked away.
soon after we saw austin, turtle, theo, and angela.
we went to mcdonalds and then back to HOB then austin and all of them came back to my house. that was pretty great (:
so, in summary, the night sucked until after the fact.
now for that poem i was talking about:
Progress
Part One:
I’ve lived on false hope
false dreams
and false promises
with no direction
and no place to turn.
no support
no background
only what I created.
the only thing I had was
what I believed I could have.
and that was out of grasp
Too far to reach.
I was too stubborn.
independent.
contorted.
sick.
I trusted what couldn’t be trusted.
fell to pieces
Struggled
battled
and rebuilt my walls
staying within myself
and trying hard not to let anything in.
only pain.
I let inner demons swallow me
and eat me whole.
I was only a phantom
Imprisoned in my own self.
Anxiety and depression sent me spiraling.
and I fell into a deep and dark space
with nothing but memories
that flooded my mind
that sent tears down my face
that left scars on my body
angry red marks.
my own poison.
my own salvation.
hearing the screams of deadly silence
and terrifying ghosts of my past.
the road ahead was dense and tangled.
and I couldn’t see what was ahead except
more darkness.
barred in a prison
no light to shine through
only the false hopes
of becoming new
and starting over.
Part Two:
I open my eyes
with a new chapter
a new page
a blank thought
and an open mind.
although the demons inside me still thrive.
I realize I can’t keep running,
I can’t keep looking back.
I can’t let everything close in on me again
I won’t spiral down in a midst of scars and tears.
I won’t let myself falter.
Time heals wounds, but not all.
scars still remain in the heart and in the mind.
but, with time I will heal.
grow stronger
and let myself live
instead of being encaged.
flying free.
The deep hurt will disperse and only new memories will remain.
No turning back.
Facing fears
and letting myself learn.
No regret.
A new outlook,
that life isn’t some test.
I will break through
and move forward
as time passes.
^tada. most recent.