I'm so tired
To all of my friends (and former friends):
I'm sorry. I am continuously fucking things up, and it's making life hard for all of us. I've driven so many of you away, even Kalin (and probably Josh), and I apologize. I don't know how to describe what I've become, and I don't know how I got here, but I'm not happy with myself right now. I know that, at times, I come across as unappreciative, as callous and selfish and childish. My methods of friendship can be unorthodox, and I know that most of the time, I come across as confusing. I know that I expect and demand things of you that I have no right to. I know that I seem to be losing my sense of humor, and I know it's putting a strain on your comfort with me. I've done things that have driven rifts between us, and I've said things that, I'm sure, have made you second-guess why we're even friends. I've made choices that have severly damaged our friendships, and I've let my emotions get in the way of too much. But all I know to do is apologize, and promise that I'm going to try as hard as I can to make things better. Yes, I worry that I won't be able to, that I'll fail, but I will try. I won't stop trying, not again.
I will ask that you have patience with me, but I don't expect you to. If I've driven you too far away, if the rift is too big, I will understand if you don't want to try with me. I will not hold it against you if you decide that you cannot be my friend any longer. But I hope that you all can. I hope that you guys can give me the time, space, and patience that I need to change.
You all mean more to me than you will ever know, even if I can't show it. Please always remember that, and know that I wouldn't be anywhere without you. Please don't give up on me.
~M
I'm sorry. I am continuously fucking things up, and it's making life hard for all of us. I've driven so many of you away, even Kalin (and probably Josh), and I apologize. I don't know how to describe what I've become, and I don't know how I got here, but I'm not happy with myself right now. I know that, at times, I come across as unappreciative, as callous and selfish and childish. My methods of friendship can be unorthodox, and I know that most of the time, I come across as confusing. I know that I expect and demand things of you that I have no right to. I know that I seem to be losing my sense of humor, and I know it's putting a strain on your comfort with me. I've done things that have driven rifts between us, and I've said things that, I'm sure, have made you second-guess why we're even friends. I've made choices that have severly damaged our friendships, and I've let my emotions get in the way of too much. But all I know to do is apologize, and promise that I'm going to try as hard as I can to make things better. Yes, I worry that I won't be able to, that I'll fail, but I will try. I won't stop trying, not again.
I will ask that you have patience with me, but I don't expect you to. If I've driven you too far away, if the rift is too big, I will understand if you don't want to try with me. I will not hold it against you if you decide that you cannot be my friend any longer. But I hope that you all can. I hope that you guys can give me the time, space, and patience that I need to change.
You all mean more to me than you will ever know, even if I can't show it. Please always remember that, and know that I wouldn't be anywhere without you. Please don't give up on me.
~M