FF
Everything's pretty much gone to hell today.
It looks as though I will be failing my honors degree. I don't actually know what will happen thereafter - both academically, and personally.
Without being able to do this, I feel like...there really isn't anything left. Being able to write academically was really the only way I could find to communicate and maybe achieve something. And I've just proven to myself that I can't do it.
All I really want is to be useful. To make some kind of difference. I don't want family, or true wuv, or any of that other stuff. It feels selfish to me. Moreover, it feels pointless. When I had the near miss with a nervous-breakdown at 17 this is what kept me going, and the main reason I didn't give up on living.
I want to do something to change the status quo. I don't want to just meld into society and maintain the balance that makes so many people suffer and poor while we over here can have reality TV and cheap leather bags or something. It's stupid, and I wanted at the very least to contribute something to changing that. I don't think I will be able to do that anymore.
And without it, the rest of my life seems meaningless. I really don't know what I'm going to do. Without this, there is nothing left for me.
It looks as though I will be failing my honors degree. I don't actually know what will happen thereafter - both academically, and personally.
Without being able to do this, I feel like...there really isn't anything left. Being able to write academically was really the only way I could find to communicate and maybe achieve something. And I've just proven to myself that I can't do it.
All I really want is to be useful. To make some kind of difference. I don't want family, or true wuv, or any of that other stuff. It feels selfish to me. Moreover, it feels pointless. When I had the near miss with a nervous-breakdown at 17 this is what kept me going, and the main reason I didn't give up on living.
I want to do something to change the status quo. I don't want to just meld into society and maintain the balance that makes so many people suffer and poor while we over here can have reality TV and cheap leather bags or something. It's stupid, and I wanted at the very least to contribute something to changing that. I don't think I will be able to do that anymore.
And without it, the rest of my life seems meaningless. I really don't know what I'm going to do. Without this, there is nothing left for me.