Truth hurts
I never ever cried while driving. Until today.
I've actually been upset and all moody all weekend. Just so many thoughts swirling in my brain, and the pressure of two midterms coming up (one tomorrow actually) and work has just really been getting to me.
So mother finally got up the courage to talk to me about what has been on her mind. The conversation ended up with the following conclusion. Some of these conclusions were hers and some of them are mine (they're all pretty bad, so need to distinguish whose is whose)
-I'm the type of girl that a guy could totally take advantage of
-I'm weak and will always give into temptation (tempatation that may or not be there)
-No man will ever have a genuine interest in me
-I'm pretty much a dumbass who is so naive and stupid
-I'm gross and weird
-Apparently the things that I believe that are good for me... are not
-If I make a decision that will truly make me happy, I will lose her respact and gain tons of criticism
And the worst thing about it is that I believe most of those statements. And my mother is totally convinced about something in my life that is soo not happening. And the worst thing about it is that all the reasons that I was giving her are reasons that I need to be believing myself. If I accepted these reasons then a lot of my problems would be solved. But no... I gotta make things hard.
And some of the things that she said are soooo true, but I can't bring myself to admit them to her. Maybe if I just told her she could actually help me. But I can't let her know that she's right. She's never been right before, and the one time that she is right... it stings so bad.
But I feel like I really should try a different approach to this situation. Instead of letting this shit get to me and stayin in and moping and feeling like shit, maybe I should direct those negative energies into something productive. Maybe I can so be like Darth Vader and them... "let the hate fuel my power and give into the dark side!!" (ok that was a bit nerdy) But seriously... maybe I need to turns all these negative emotions into something good and change those things that are upsetting me so...
I guess I could give it a try...
I've actually been upset and all moody all weekend. Just so many thoughts swirling in my brain, and the pressure of two midterms coming up (one tomorrow actually) and work has just really been getting to me.
So mother finally got up the courage to talk to me about what has been on her mind. The conversation ended up with the following conclusion. Some of these conclusions were hers and some of them are mine (they're all pretty bad, so need to distinguish whose is whose)
-I'm the type of girl that a guy could totally take advantage of
-I'm weak and will always give into temptation (tempatation that may or not be there)
-No man will ever have a genuine interest in me
-I'm pretty much a dumbass who is so naive and stupid
-I'm gross and weird
-Apparently the things that I believe that are good for me... are not
-If I make a decision that will truly make me happy, I will lose her respact and gain tons of criticism
And the worst thing about it is that I believe most of those statements. And my mother is totally convinced about something in my life that is soo not happening. And the worst thing about it is that all the reasons that I was giving her are reasons that I need to be believing myself. If I accepted these reasons then a lot of my problems would be solved. But no... I gotta make things hard.
And some of the things that she said are soooo true, but I can't bring myself to admit them to her. Maybe if I just told her she could actually help me. But I can't let her know that she's right. She's never been right before, and the one time that she is right... it stings so bad.
But I feel like I really should try a different approach to this situation. Instead of letting this shit get to me and stayin in and moping and feeling like shit, maybe I should direct those negative energies into something productive. Maybe I can so be like Darth Vader and them... "let the hate fuel my power and give into the dark side!!" (ok that was a bit nerdy) But seriously... maybe I need to turns all these negative emotions into something good and change those things that are upsetting me so...
I guess I could give it a try...