Apologies to Mac users.
A little explanation for this one: back on my Ghost prompt, I introduced Nekou's Covert Operations colleagues, including Asagi, a tech wizard. Blackjack seemed amused by his backstory, so I decided to write the incident described. This stems mainly from my extreme dislike of Macs (always preferred PC to them, for some reason), so like the subject line says, apologies if you DO like Apple. But I don't. And it's my fanfiction. So there.
Edit: the LJ cut was SUPPOSED to read "Hello, I'm a Mac," but for some reason, I can't change it from "read more" and I'm about to be late to comp. Sorry about the uncreative LJ cut text there.
76. Devious
"Huh. Nothing seems wrong with the computer," Asagi said. "Aside from the obvious, but I can't do anything about that, can I?" He grumbled. Mac was stupid... as an operating system, it was pure flash and no function, eye candy for trendy graphic whores. Sure, it ran easier, it was more user-friendly, but that was like saying a car was "fuel efficient" because it wouldn't hold any gas, period. Only a complete moron could be taken with that sales pitch... and yet, Giovanni INSISTED on running the main Team Rocket servers off it... Asagi had spent ages trying to convince him Windows or even Linux was the way to go, but once you go Mac you never go back, or so he was told. And now, because of that insistence, he was stuck in here trying to figure out just what the hell was going on with the computer.
"My computer's broken, Asagi. You know everything about these things, right? I'm going to find some lunch. Fix it while I'm gone."
He didn't even get a chance to say Apple wasn't his area of expertise, that he used to work with PCs, not Macs... All he could do was nod sheepishly as Giovanni walked off, having made his request... And he was stuck here now, poking fruitlessly at the keyboard, thinking up some explanation as to why the computer wouldn't work other than "I have no idea, sir."
"Rrrrr." Persian rolled over and stared at Asagi. His eyes were tiny red pinpricks glaring right through him, and it bothered Asagi somehow.
"I suppose you know what to do, cat?" Asagi asked. "Sorry, but these things work better with opposable thumbs."
"Rrr mrrr." Persian rolled over again and grabbed something off the floor with his mouth. When he raised his head again, Asagi noticed something in his mouth. "I can't play right now, buddy. Sorry about that." He clicked through the error messages again. A network cable may be loose or unplugged. "Persian... what is that in your mouth?" Persian laid it on the floor. "Is that?..."
The black thing sat there. Little colored wires stuck out at all directions. The network cable wasn't just unplugged... it was chewed through completely.
Asagi realized instantly the implications of this, beyond Persian Is A Bad Kitty. Obviously, Persian had adopted the cables as a chew toy for some time before the computer "stopped working," to have chewed through them like this. And also quite obviously, Giovanni had failed to notice his cat's behavior (or misbehavior) if he ended up asking Asagi for help. Finally... did Asagi dare think about it? He was almost amused... wasn't he pulling up the same error messages as Asagi? Didn't he ever think to do anything with them? If he was technologically impaired enough to not see the obvious, then Asagi could just as easily shift the blame from Persian to the computer itself- or better, the entire operating system. You're insane, Asagi, something in his head told him. You can't go and lie like that, what if you're found out? You'll lose all the trust you've still got left, or worse...
No, he thought. There was no chance of him being found out. That little trust he had left derived from the fact he knew more than probably any one else there about computers, and besides, in the end, wasn't he doing the Team a favor by getting their OS out of the dark ages and switched over to Windows? Wasn't that the most important thing of all? Opportunity knocked, and Asagi was happy to open the door for it and invite it to stay a while. "You're a good kitty, Persian," Asagi said. "A very good kitty."
"The whole system's shot. I'm afraid there's nothing that can be done about it, sir," Asagi said, the gears in his head turning furiously. "Looks to me like a virus. The rare Gato virus to be exact. Bad stuff. Once it hits one..." he paused- "...it hits them all."
"Nothing? You mean... it's gone? But it was running just fine yesterday... I thought Macs were better."
"Maybe so, but you never can trust a Mac. They're slippery little devils. Of course, they tell you they're more reliable than a PC, but then, they wouldn't sell any if they came out and just admitted they were overpriced pieces of crap, would they? Eve took the apple, not the PC, I always say-" Part of Asagi was telling him maybe he should stop now, but he'd been ignoring this part of him for a while now.
"-I suppose you're right, Asagi," Giovanni interrupted. "So I suppose I'll just have to- what's the word, bomb the system again?"
"Nuke," Asagi said. "We could. But Gato's probably embedded itself deep in the drive by now, if it hasn't spread to every other computer on the server. And they're blown, then. The older computers in some of the other wings will probably be fried... It's going to cost quite a bit."
"There's no other way?"
"Well- oh, never mind. I don't think you'd be too fond of that."
"If there's a better option, I don't care what it is, Asagi. I just want to know it. This thing's driving me crazy."
Asagi smirked. Use your power for good, he thought.
"We switch the entire server to run off PC, sir."
"What? That's it?"
"Either that, or..." Asagi paused and acted as though he was deep in thought. "Even if those ancient things were fixed, they'd only go kaput in a few months anyway-" He waved his hand dismissively.
"No, no, Asagi, I just wonder why you never told me this all the other times you whined about being stuck working on a Mac... I just figured you were picky about the platform... I never knew the whole thing would screw up." He glared at Asagi. "I'm disappointed in you. I thought I could at least trust you with computers, and you waited until now to tell me this... I expected much better out of you."
Asagi was shocked. He'd just told a whopper of a lie to Giovanni- Macs were vastly overhyped, yes, but even Asagi was positive that "Macs don't get viruses" thing was true- and now he was being lectured for not lying to him sooner? Of course, Asagi was presumably the only one who knew this, but even then, the whole surrealness of the situation was too much for him. Play along, the voice in his head told him. If you act too happy, he's going to suspect you.
Since when did you decide to act so supportive? Asagi asked the voice.
Since this started working, it replied.
Fair enough, Asagi said. "I'm sorry," he replied.
"I should hope so. You can leave now, Asagi. I'll have this taken care of as soon as you're gone, but once the new system comes in, you're going to hook it up. You can handle that, right? After all-" he paused for a moment, and even though Asagi was in a confident mood now, that pause never failed to unnerve him- "you did insist."
Asagi nodded. "Yes, sir," he said, still creeped out by the pause. "Er, I can do that." He left, winking at Persian just as he reached the door. After all, if it wasn't for Persian...
"Who did that idiot think he was fooling?" Giovanni asked Persian, pulling the cord out of the cat's mouth again. He'd set the whole thing up, of course, and he'd been contemplating changing the OS himself lately. The only thing Persian had been chewing much at all in the last 24 hours was his catnip toy. And he wasn't at all surprised at what Asagi had done. He was entertained, in fact. Asagi was a crafty one... "Stop doing that, Persian, you don't know what's on those wires." Persian looked mournfully at him. "It may be totally pointless, but switching systems will shut him up for once. At least I know he's sincere about the whole PC thing now. He'd have to really care to go and weave a tale like that..."
"Mrow."
Edit: the LJ cut was SUPPOSED to read "Hello, I'm a Mac," but for some reason, I can't change it from "read more" and I'm about to be late to comp. Sorry about the uncreative LJ cut text there.
76. Devious
"Huh. Nothing seems wrong with the computer," Asagi said. "Aside from the obvious, but I can't do anything about that, can I?" He grumbled. Mac was stupid... as an operating system, it was pure flash and no function, eye candy for trendy graphic whores. Sure, it ran easier, it was more user-friendly, but that was like saying a car was "fuel efficient" because it wouldn't hold any gas, period. Only a complete moron could be taken with that sales pitch... and yet, Giovanni INSISTED on running the main Team Rocket servers off it... Asagi had spent ages trying to convince him Windows or even Linux was the way to go, but once you go Mac you never go back, or so he was told. And now, because of that insistence, he was stuck in here trying to figure out just what the hell was going on with the computer.
"My computer's broken, Asagi. You know everything about these things, right? I'm going to find some lunch. Fix it while I'm gone."
He didn't even get a chance to say Apple wasn't his area of expertise, that he used to work with PCs, not Macs... All he could do was nod sheepishly as Giovanni walked off, having made his request... And he was stuck here now, poking fruitlessly at the keyboard, thinking up some explanation as to why the computer wouldn't work other than "I have no idea, sir."
"Rrrrr." Persian rolled over and stared at Asagi. His eyes were tiny red pinpricks glaring right through him, and it bothered Asagi somehow.
"I suppose you know what to do, cat?" Asagi asked. "Sorry, but these things work better with opposable thumbs."
"Rrr mrrr." Persian rolled over again and grabbed something off the floor with his mouth. When he raised his head again, Asagi noticed something in his mouth. "I can't play right now, buddy. Sorry about that." He clicked through the error messages again. A network cable may be loose or unplugged. "Persian... what is that in your mouth?" Persian laid it on the floor. "Is that?..."
The black thing sat there. Little colored wires stuck out at all directions. The network cable wasn't just unplugged... it was chewed through completely.
Asagi realized instantly the implications of this, beyond Persian Is A Bad Kitty. Obviously, Persian had adopted the cables as a chew toy for some time before the computer "stopped working," to have chewed through them like this. And also quite obviously, Giovanni had failed to notice his cat's behavior (or misbehavior) if he ended up asking Asagi for help. Finally... did Asagi dare think about it? He was almost amused... wasn't he pulling up the same error messages as Asagi? Didn't he ever think to do anything with them? If he was technologically impaired enough to not see the obvious, then Asagi could just as easily shift the blame from Persian to the computer itself- or better, the entire operating system. You're insane, Asagi, something in his head told him. You can't go and lie like that, what if you're found out? You'll lose all the trust you've still got left, or worse...
No, he thought. There was no chance of him being found out. That little trust he had left derived from the fact he knew more than probably any one else there about computers, and besides, in the end, wasn't he doing the Team a favor by getting their OS out of the dark ages and switched over to Windows? Wasn't that the most important thing of all? Opportunity knocked, and Asagi was happy to open the door for it and invite it to stay a while. "You're a good kitty, Persian," Asagi said. "A very good kitty."
"The whole system's shot. I'm afraid there's nothing that can be done about it, sir," Asagi said, the gears in his head turning furiously. "Looks to me like a virus. The rare Gato virus to be exact. Bad stuff. Once it hits one..." he paused- "...it hits them all."
"Nothing? You mean... it's gone? But it was running just fine yesterday... I thought Macs were better."
"Maybe so, but you never can trust a Mac. They're slippery little devils. Of course, they tell you they're more reliable than a PC, but then, they wouldn't sell any if they came out and just admitted they were overpriced pieces of crap, would they? Eve took the apple, not the PC, I always say-" Part of Asagi was telling him maybe he should stop now, but he'd been ignoring this part of him for a while now.
"-I suppose you're right, Asagi," Giovanni interrupted. "So I suppose I'll just have to- what's the word, bomb the system again?"
"Nuke," Asagi said. "We could. But Gato's probably embedded itself deep in the drive by now, if it hasn't spread to every other computer on the server. And they're blown, then. The older computers in some of the other wings will probably be fried... It's going to cost quite a bit."
"There's no other way?"
"Well- oh, never mind. I don't think you'd be too fond of that."
"If there's a better option, I don't care what it is, Asagi. I just want to know it. This thing's driving me crazy."
Asagi smirked. Use your power for good, he thought.
"We switch the entire server to run off PC, sir."
"What? That's it?"
"Either that, or..." Asagi paused and acted as though he was deep in thought. "Even if those ancient things were fixed, they'd only go kaput in a few months anyway-" He waved his hand dismissively.
"No, no, Asagi, I just wonder why you never told me this all the other times you whined about being stuck working on a Mac... I just figured you were picky about the platform... I never knew the whole thing would screw up." He glared at Asagi. "I'm disappointed in you. I thought I could at least trust you with computers, and you waited until now to tell me this... I expected much better out of you."
Asagi was shocked. He'd just told a whopper of a lie to Giovanni- Macs were vastly overhyped, yes, but even Asagi was positive that "Macs don't get viruses" thing was true- and now he was being lectured for not lying to him sooner? Of course, Asagi was presumably the only one who knew this, but even then, the whole surrealness of the situation was too much for him. Play along, the voice in his head told him. If you act too happy, he's going to suspect you.
Since when did you decide to act so supportive? Asagi asked the voice.
Since this started working, it replied.
Fair enough, Asagi said. "I'm sorry," he replied.
"I should hope so. You can leave now, Asagi. I'll have this taken care of as soon as you're gone, but once the new system comes in, you're going to hook it up. You can handle that, right? After all-" he paused for a moment, and even though Asagi was in a confident mood now, that pause never failed to unnerve him- "you did insist."
Asagi nodded. "Yes, sir," he said, still creeped out by the pause. "Er, I can do that." He left, winking at Persian just as he reached the door. After all, if it wasn't for Persian...
"Who did that idiot think he was fooling?" Giovanni asked Persian, pulling the cord out of the cat's mouth again. He'd set the whole thing up, of course, and he'd been contemplating changing the OS himself lately. The only thing Persian had been chewing much at all in the last 24 hours was his catnip toy. And he wasn't at all surprised at what Asagi had done. He was entertained, in fact. Asagi was a crafty one... "Stop doing that, Persian, you don't know what's on those wires." Persian looked mournfully at him. "It may be totally pointless, but switching systems will shut him up for once. At least I know he's sincere about the whole PC thing now. He'd have to really care to go and weave a tale like that..."
"Mrow."