Can’t shake the devil sitting on my shoulder
So, I’m back with more on the traumatic and emotional experiences I’ve had to endure throughout my life. My main focus was on my father and how his absence was both a curse and a blessing for me. One other thing I had to mention was that my father also had his run-ins with the law a few times. He was arrested and sent to jail when I was 18. Now, steel bars were keeping us apart. The most traumatic memory I have was going to visit him in Middleton. That was the first time I had seen the inside of a prison. I just wanted to feel so far removed from him, I wanted to detach him from my life, but it was impossible because he is my father. I truly hate every extension I have to him. It just puts me in a dark place. I don’t want to be like him. If I had it my way I wouldn’t have anything to do with him. But, somehow I ended up living with him, forced to have a relationship when I’m in my mid thirties. The ship to his redemption has sailed off years ago. And it’s not coming back. He doesn’t know me. I’ve had to fill him in on all the things I’ve done throughout my twenties which he was not apart of. He wasn’t part of my life at all. He wasn’t there for the crucial parts at least. I don’t want to waste energy on this. But, he’s left me no choice. What would he do if the roles were reversed?? If he was the kid and I was the parent?? He’d feel all the pain I felt over the years. I’m not saying that would be gratifying, but then again, it would.