If Tech Companies Took Over the World
If Tech Companies Took Over the World
Pairing: Cody/Randy
Genre: Parody/Crack
Summary: Mix superheros, cliché ficisms, tech industries taking over the world, and DCComics with Professional Wrestling you get…
Rating: PG for language and crude humour
--
He wasn’t alone.
His first reactions to getting up in the morning were as follows: Something feels odd…, Does Starbucks count as real coffee? Why is so hot under the covers? OH MY GOD
“OH MY GOD,” apparently Cody said that last line out-loud. He sat up and hit the headboard of his bed, making a smacking noise which caused him to groan and grab his forehead.
The body next to him made a far less painful sounding groan, more of a ‘what the fuck man, I’m sleeping’ kind of groan. He could feel the guy (unmistakably male, thank god) shift over onto either his back or his stomach depending on how he was lying to begin with. Cody hadn’t exactly looked for reference and truthfully he was a little bit embarrassed and felt it was better to not find out who was in his bed.
Though that guy was going to have to wake up and leave as it was his hotel room. Not exactly a great start, leaving himself before he awoke was not an option. Figured.
“What am I going to do? Hi, random person in my bed what are you doing here and will you leave?” he mumbled to the air, not really focused on anything in particular, or anyone for that matter.
The guy moved his hand still in half sleep cycle, it was now lightly draped over Cody’s midsection. It would figure with his luck that this would go from embarrassing to awkwardly uncomfortable. Wearing a dorky mask in public was one thing, this embarrassment was a totally different story. Cody was not the pillar of goodness (at least according to the Daily he wasn’t) but he prided himself on being somewhat virtuous and courteous.
Plus he was from the South originally, and he was taught better than to drag some stranger back to bed. Cody had to wonder slightly if this was a side effect of his superhero strength or if this guy was a willing participant. God he hoped this guy was willing, being a gay superhero with super strength sucked. At least the city covered the bill for all damage received in the heat of battle by Dashing Rhodes.
Spiderman never had these problems, damn Peter Parker. And also Batman because he clearly he had no personal life.
“Oh so you are alive, I was convinced you were high last night,” the guy said sitting up.
Cody paused, he recognized that voice, Oh shit he thought to himself.
“Randy.”
The older man looked at Cody and snorted seeing his half panicked, half annoyed face, “You were actually pleasant last night, do you really want to ruin it now? Before I even get out of the door?”
Cody imagined becoming a villain temporarily and murdering him. But then who would be the superhero in this scenario? Didn’t the journalist that knew too much always have to be saved by the hero? It was like a code or in the book of superheroes 101.
Of course, Randy was the sports editor so there might be an exception…
Okay better not to envision that theory, Cody might actually enjoy it too much. The idea of Randy dangling in the air on-top of the Apple Empire Building, 2,000 feet in the air with nothing but road and speeding cars beneath him did have its appeal.
Yea, so no more picking up men when under the influence of radioactive chemicals. He saved the day and then picked up or slept with the sports editor from hell. This shit totally never happened to Peter Parker. That asshole, he said join the newspaper, it’s what all the cool superheroes do. Yeah, none of them worked for Randy Orton.
Fucking Spiderman. Fucking Justice League. Why wasn’t he a billionaire again? Maybe Batman had the right idea. He certainly always seemed to be too busy for casual sex and he didn’t have to answer to anyone.
Never again.
Cody took a deep breath steeling his anger and resentment and looked at Randy dead in the face, “Can I resign?”
“No,” Randy replied easily almost lazily but no trace of actual vindictiveness which is what Cody expected.
“Why not?”
“You can’t quit because you slept with me. I don’t care how straight you are, or bi, clearly you’re freaked,” Randy answered actually making it seem somewhat apologetically like he had been the one that messed up.
Wait… so Cody hadn’t kidnapped him last night under the influence of whatever the villainous Marcus Henrius sprayed in his face. Had Randy seduced him?!
“Freaked? I’m not freaked! You’re my boss and I hate you. I HATE you,” Cody snapped standing up, that wasn’t totally true. Really Randy had a great ass and in those slick slacks of his…
Randy stared at him, “You don’t hate me. And you were more than willing last night.”
Cody tried to remember how this all started last night….
-
(Flashback- a day earlier)
Cody had seen the Bag Symbol, Chief DiBiase must have hung the bag up while he was out dictating the Women’s Basketball game.
He got into tights, with some mishaps, trying to get them on too fast caused a fall, a lamp to get knocked over, and then he smacked his face into the wall trying to get the clear mask and jump out the window.
Then he jumped through the window, breaking it into a thousand small pieces and took flight with his mechanical wings made for him by the oddly brilliant Dr. Awesome, also a fellow geek.
He flew to the Apple Empire Tower, the headquarters of the Mayor Billionaire Vinnie O’Macintosh, it was rumored that O’Mac’s fortune came from the mob and so had his votes to win over the city. His son-in-law, Hunter Hearst Helmsley was a State Senator in DC Comics, Intel, United States of Apple. Former President Jobs prior to his death had endorsed Mr. O’Macintosh causing any nay sayers to be won over.
Cody didn’t really trust him but he was getting a paycheck for this shit and Batman never got paid to do this! Nor did Peter Parker. Okay so Vinnie expressed that Cody wasn’t allowed to kill members of the rumored gang of “Nexus” (according to the Police Chief, Ted DiBiase there was no proof this “gang” ever existed) but besides that, everyone else was free reign. Except Hunter and Randy who was apparently Vinnie’s Godson.
It was a sweet deal, especially considering Batman had bitched at the last Justice League meeting that he got billed for 2 million dollars in damages.
Being a Superhero was not an easy business to get into. Apparently masks were an issue too because all the good ones were taken. Sin Cara, The Flying Mysterio, Wonder Phoenix, Spiderman, Batman… they had all taken the best ones at the local mask store. Cody had gotten left with two choices a Paper Bag or a Clear Wrestling Mask. He tried the Paper Bag first, as it turned out saving the world was hard if you couldn’t see it.
After knocking out a few teeth, he determined he should use the other mask. So that was how he ended up with a new calling card, Dashingly Clear Cody Rhodes- which in no way gave away his face or identity to the public.
Vinnie was standing there with Nexus holding a Paper Bag, “Dashingly Clear Cody Rhodes, we just got a call from Marcus Henrius, he’s holding the sports editor for the Daily World Apple Entertainment hostage. He’s my godson and I want you to get him back by all means necessary. Apparently Marcus Henrius told Randal to meet him at Facebook where Cody Rhodes was to be taking photographs of the national chess league tournament. Can you save him?”
Cody nodded, but cursed silently, he had forgotten about that chess game. Shit, Randy was going to fire him and how then would he stare at his ass all day?
“I promise on the life of my rare Pokémon cards that I will stop the world’s strongest man or die trying,” Cody then leapt from the building and forgot that he deactivated the wings causing a free fall to the ground which left the road dented.
“Shit that’s going to come out of my paycheck.”
He ran down to the street of the Southwest quadrant of Facebook where he saw The World’s Strongest Man, holding Randy Orton on-top of the tower like King Kong. This was going to difficult, Marcus Henrius was known for his bad breath toxic chemicals that spread on contact. It put superheroes in a daze that resulted in memory loss and an overactive libido much like a case of beer finished by one man.
But Cody had to save his pain in the ass, annoying not so damsel in distress boss. How else could he stare at Randy’s ass? And really the dude was huge, how the hell was Cody going to carry him all back to Midtown?
Cody took flight, getting in range of Marcus Henrius, he shouted, “I have you now Henrius.”
And then Henrius yelled, causing Cody to blank out.
-
(Present)
“Wait so how did I end up here? Last night I was Dashingly Clear- shit did I say that aloud?”
Randy nodded, “Yea, that mask wasn’t really subtle and how many Cody Rhodes are there at DC Comics? We’re a pretty small town.”
“Fuck!”
Orton didn’t seem that surprised or mean which was odd. He was known as “The Viper” at work by his colleagues for his aggressive stare and mean streak. He had made Cody cry a few times and Peter Parker? Shit, he quit in two days and moved to New York to work for the Bugle.
“So what happened?”
“Well after Henrius broke our deal and attacked you, I saved you using my iPhone. Then I picked you up, unmasked you, and you came onto me- something about my ass. Then we had sex, like twenty times. And every time of course, you came hard like it was the best sex you ever had, and you said “I love you, Paper Bag”, which I thought was a little weird. After, we fell asleep watching Football which is the most boring form of sports on TV but sadly the chess tournament had already ended. Kelly Kelly had won using a pawn versus Matt Striker in the finals,” Randy explained.
Cody wanted to cry, that had to been the best CHESS MATCH EVER! A pawn in the finals! Figures it was football, that game was so lame. Chess should be on late night.
“Oh so I’m not fired because you kidnapped and seduced me?”
“Yes.”
“Okay cool. Wanna play a round of Pokémon?” Cody asked.
-
End
Pairing: Cody/Randy
Genre: Parody/Crack
Summary: Mix superheros, cliché ficisms, tech industries taking over the world, and DCComics with Professional Wrestling you get…
Rating: PG for language and crude humour
--
He wasn’t alone.
His first reactions to getting up in the morning were as follows: Something feels odd…, Does Starbucks count as real coffee? Why is so hot under the covers? OH MY GOD
“OH MY GOD,” apparently Cody said that last line out-loud. He sat up and hit the headboard of his bed, making a smacking noise which caused him to groan and grab his forehead.
The body next to him made a far less painful sounding groan, more of a ‘what the fuck man, I’m sleeping’ kind of groan. He could feel the guy (unmistakably male, thank god) shift over onto either his back or his stomach depending on how he was lying to begin with. Cody hadn’t exactly looked for reference and truthfully he was a little bit embarrassed and felt it was better to not find out who was in his bed.
Though that guy was going to have to wake up and leave as it was his hotel room. Not exactly a great start, leaving himself before he awoke was not an option. Figured.
“What am I going to do? Hi, random person in my bed what are you doing here and will you leave?” he mumbled to the air, not really focused on anything in particular, or anyone for that matter.
The guy moved his hand still in half sleep cycle, it was now lightly draped over Cody’s midsection. It would figure with his luck that this would go from embarrassing to awkwardly uncomfortable. Wearing a dorky mask in public was one thing, this embarrassment was a totally different story. Cody was not the pillar of goodness (at least according to the Daily he wasn’t) but he prided himself on being somewhat virtuous and courteous.
Plus he was from the South originally, and he was taught better than to drag some stranger back to bed. Cody had to wonder slightly if this was a side effect of his superhero strength or if this guy was a willing participant. God he hoped this guy was willing, being a gay superhero with super strength sucked. At least the city covered the bill for all damage received in the heat of battle by Dashing Rhodes.
Spiderman never had these problems, damn Peter Parker. And also Batman because he clearly he had no personal life.
“Oh so you are alive, I was convinced you were high last night,” the guy said sitting up.
Cody paused, he recognized that voice, Oh shit he thought to himself.
“Randy.”
The older man looked at Cody and snorted seeing his half panicked, half annoyed face, “You were actually pleasant last night, do you really want to ruin it now? Before I even get out of the door?”
Cody imagined becoming a villain temporarily and murdering him. But then who would be the superhero in this scenario? Didn’t the journalist that knew too much always have to be saved by the hero? It was like a code or in the book of superheroes 101.
Of course, Randy was the sports editor so there might be an exception…
Okay better not to envision that theory, Cody might actually enjoy it too much. The idea of Randy dangling in the air on-top of the Apple Empire Building, 2,000 feet in the air with nothing but road and speeding cars beneath him did have its appeal.
Yea, so no more picking up men when under the influence of radioactive chemicals. He saved the day and then picked up or slept with the sports editor from hell. This shit totally never happened to Peter Parker. That asshole, he said join the newspaper, it’s what all the cool superheroes do. Yeah, none of them worked for Randy Orton.
Fucking Spiderman. Fucking Justice League. Why wasn’t he a billionaire again? Maybe Batman had the right idea. He certainly always seemed to be too busy for casual sex and he didn’t have to answer to anyone.
Never again.
Cody took a deep breath steeling his anger and resentment and looked at Randy dead in the face, “Can I resign?”
“No,” Randy replied easily almost lazily but no trace of actual vindictiveness which is what Cody expected.
“Why not?”
“You can’t quit because you slept with me. I don’t care how straight you are, or bi, clearly you’re freaked,” Randy answered actually making it seem somewhat apologetically like he had been the one that messed up.
Wait… so Cody hadn’t kidnapped him last night under the influence of whatever the villainous Marcus Henrius sprayed in his face. Had Randy seduced him?!
“Freaked? I’m not freaked! You’re my boss and I hate you. I HATE you,” Cody snapped standing up, that wasn’t totally true. Really Randy had a great ass and in those slick slacks of his…
Randy stared at him, “You don’t hate me. And you were more than willing last night.”
Cody tried to remember how this all started last night….
-
(Flashback- a day earlier)
Cody had seen the Bag Symbol, Chief DiBiase must have hung the bag up while he was out dictating the Women’s Basketball game.
He got into tights, with some mishaps, trying to get them on too fast caused a fall, a lamp to get knocked over, and then he smacked his face into the wall trying to get the clear mask and jump out the window.
Then he jumped through the window, breaking it into a thousand small pieces and took flight with his mechanical wings made for him by the oddly brilliant Dr. Awesome, also a fellow geek.
He flew to the Apple Empire Tower, the headquarters of the Mayor Billionaire Vinnie O’Macintosh, it was rumored that O’Mac’s fortune came from the mob and so had his votes to win over the city. His son-in-law, Hunter Hearst Helmsley was a State Senator in DC Comics, Intel, United States of Apple. Former President Jobs prior to his death had endorsed Mr. O’Macintosh causing any nay sayers to be won over.
Cody didn’t really trust him but he was getting a paycheck for this shit and Batman never got paid to do this! Nor did Peter Parker. Okay so Vinnie expressed that Cody wasn’t allowed to kill members of the rumored gang of “Nexus” (according to the Police Chief, Ted DiBiase there was no proof this “gang” ever existed) but besides that, everyone else was free reign. Except Hunter and Randy who was apparently Vinnie’s Godson.
It was a sweet deal, especially considering Batman had bitched at the last Justice League meeting that he got billed for 2 million dollars in damages.
Being a Superhero was not an easy business to get into. Apparently masks were an issue too because all the good ones were taken. Sin Cara, The Flying Mysterio, Wonder Phoenix, Spiderman, Batman… they had all taken the best ones at the local mask store. Cody had gotten left with two choices a Paper Bag or a Clear Wrestling Mask. He tried the Paper Bag first, as it turned out saving the world was hard if you couldn’t see it.
After knocking out a few teeth, he determined he should use the other mask. So that was how he ended up with a new calling card, Dashingly Clear Cody Rhodes- which in no way gave away his face or identity to the public.
Vinnie was standing there with Nexus holding a Paper Bag, “Dashingly Clear Cody Rhodes, we just got a call from Marcus Henrius, he’s holding the sports editor for the Daily World Apple Entertainment hostage. He’s my godson and I want you to get him back by all means necessary. Apparently Marcus Henrius told Randal to meet him at Facebook where Cody Rhodes was to be taking photographs of the national chess league tournament. Can you save him?”
Cody nodded, but cursed silently, he had forgotten about that chess game. Shit, Randy was going to fire him and how then would he stare at his ass all day?
“I promise on the life of my rare Pokémon cards that I will stop the world’s strongest man or die trying,” Cody then leapt from the building and forgot that he deactivated the wings causing a free fall to the ground which left the road dented.
“Shit that’s going to come out of my paycheck.”
He ran down to the street of the Southwest quadrant of Facebook where he saw The World’s Strongest Man, holding Randy Orton on-top of the tower like King Kong. This was going to difficult, Marcus Henrius was known for his bad breath toxic chemicals that spread on contact. It put superheroes in a daze that resulted in memory loss and an overactive libido much like a case of beer finished by one man.
But Cody had to save his pain in the ass, annoying not so damsel in distress boss. How else could he stare at Randy’s ass? And really the dude was huge, how the hell was Cody going to carry him all back to Midtown?
Cody took flight, getting in range of Marcus Henrius, he shouted, “I have you now Henrius.”
And then Henrius yelled, causing Cody to blank out.
-
(Present)
“Wait so how did I end up here? Last night I was Dashingly Clear- shit did I say that aloud?”
Randy nodded, “Yea, that mask wasn’t really subtle and how many Cody Rhodes are there at DC Comics? We’re a pretty small town.”
“Fuck!”
Orton didn’t seem that surprised or mean which was odd. He was known as “The Viper” at work by his colleagues for his aggressive stare and mean streak. He had made Cody cry a few times and Peter Parker? Shit, he quit in two days and moved to New York to work for the Bugle.
“So what happened?”
“Well after Henrius broke our deal and attacked you, I saved you using my iPhone. Then I picked you up, unmasked you, and you came onto me- something about my ass. Then we had sex, like twenty times. And every time of course, you came hard like it was the best sex you ever had, and you said “I love you, Paper Bag”, which I thought was a little weird. After, we fell asleep watching Football which is the most boring form of sports on TV but sadly the chess tournament had already ended. Kelly Kelly had won using a pawn versus Matt Striker in the finals,” Randy explained.
Cody wanted to cry, that had to been the best CHESS MATCH EVER! A pawn in the finals! Figures it was football, that game was so lame. Chess should be on late night.
“Oh so I’m not fired because you kidnapped and seduced me?”
“Yes.”
“Okay cool. Wanna play a round of Pokémon?” Cody asked.
-
End