crash, fall down (i’ll wrap my arms around you now) [2/2]
The Big Day is on the following Friday. The seats in the auditorium are being filled by students and teachers alike as they prepare for the day’s announcements. Chanyeol isn’t quite sure when and how he and Sehun will do it, but Sehun has promised him that he has it all under his control. Since Sehun is in a year below him and he sits in a different place, it’s harder for Chanyeol to understand when it’s time for their plan. Sehun had said that he’ll “just know,” but after the arts notices, Chanyeol is still clueless.
When there’s a notice about the football team, asking for its representatives to come forward, that’s when Chanyeol realises it’s time. He doesn’t have time to ask why Sehun is putting their entire team’s name in on this, but maybe they’ll thank Sehun one day. Maybe.
The song begins to play and it’s Sehun who immediately gets up from his seat, slowly removing his jacket as he bends down to do some body rolls. The girls on the seats in front of him start to scream, and that’s when Chanyeol realises that Sehun wasn’t lying - he is a good dancer. Sehun has a good control of his body as well as the audience’s reaction, and even the teachers can’t say anything but gawk at him. Chanyeol can’t argue with their response either - he almost forgot that he’s meant to be a part of this, mesmerised by the smile and the serious and dark look on Sehun’s face that makes Chanyeol want to fan himself.
Maybe that should have raised alarms in Chanyeol’s head, but it doesn’t cross his mind again until the event is done. Chanyeol soon stands up, running his fingers through his hair as he swiftly removes his jacket in one motion. The screams become louder once they realise that Oh Sehun and Park Chanyeol are in on this. He and Sehun begin to make their way to dance towards the stage, where everyone’s eyes are on them.
When Chanyeol runs his fingers slowly on Sehun’s arm before resting a hand on the younger’s shoulder, he looks at the dark expression on Sehun’s face as the younger bites his lip seductively. Maybe it was taking it too far, but all Chanyeol can think about is how they could make this performance better. Grinding isn’t an option, Chanyeol reminds himself, no matter how tempted he is to do it judging by their position. With the song coming to an end, they only continue to do their previous moves, but once it finishes, Chanyeol puts his hands on Sehun’s, his eyes asking an unspoken question. Sehun looks at him with questioning eyes, but he nods anyway, trusting his best friend on whatever he decides to do.
Chanyeol spins Sehun and dips him down as the grand finale. The students hoot and cheer at the sight of their two football players, and Chanyeol smiles down at the flustered look on Sehun’s face. This is when it starts. Sputtering, Sehun removes himself from Chanyeol’s hold, remembering that they have to make an announcement or they’ll get in extra trouble for this.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” Sehun says in a commanding tone, “good morning. The message from the football team is as follows: do not be too serious. Do not take the whole world upon your shoulders. Dance and have some fun. Do not care about things like your reputation. That is all.”
The students applaud Sehun for his ‘speech,’ whereas some of the teachers look around with doubtful looks. Sehun looks at Chanyeol with a grin on his face and he grabs his hand, quickly lacing their fingers together as they escape the stares of the crowd in the auditorium.
~~
“So…” Chaejin says with a very amused look on her face. “That went well. I mean - damn, did you see everyone’s reactions?”
It’s the umpteenth time today that Chaejin is talking about the morning’s event, and Jongin still doesn’t understand why she’s bringing it up even now at lunch time. Sehun and Chanyeol are gone to buy some food, and Jongin is stuck listening to Chaejin’s admiration.
“So many people went up to me like, ’wah, isn’t he your twin?’” Chaejin’s eyes disappear into crescents as she laughs, and Jongin can’t hide the jealousy any longer as he lets out a long, agonising breath.
“Yeah, I guess they were pretty good.”
“I didn’t know Sehun could dance,” Chaejin admits and Jongin nods. “Maybe we should ask him if he wants to join us at the studio-”
“No,” Jongin says, a little too quickly and forcefully. Chaejin looks shocked at the amount of force he put into one word, “No… you can’t.”
“Why not?” Chaejin asks. Jongin wants to tell her - you’re the older one, don’t act like you’re innocent and you don’t know what’s going on in here - but he knows he has to speak up to be heard. Now that Chanyeol and Sehun aren’t here, Jongin knows it’s the perfect opportunity.
“Because dance is our thing,” Jongin says as if that explains everything. Chaejin only continues to look confused, but there’s a somewhat understanding look in her eyes, anticipating the next words that are about to come. “It’s ours, Chae. I don’t want him to take more of your time…”
“Jongin,” Chaejin says with a tired smile. “If it’s about the horror movies-”
Jongin shakes his head profusely. “That’s not it. It’s not about the horror movies. It’s about me liking you.”
Chaejin nearly chokes on her food.
~~
On the following day, Chanyeol admits that he’s having a hard time during training when all he can do is look around for Sehun. Since the event yesterday, Sehun has been on Chanyeol’s mind too much - more than what can be called innocent. Not only because he’s thought of Sehun’s dancing, but he may or may not have also thought about pinning the younger man underneath him as he kissed him senseless.
It’s more terrible than anything else, especially once they’ve finished training and Sehun is changing right in front of him while maintaining a conversation about the upcoming matches. Unable to take it any longer, Chanyeol finally excuses himself to go home.
“Aren’t I coming home with you?” Sehun asks, surprised at Chanyeol’s desire for a sudden departure.
I wish you were always, the thought makes it to Chanyeol’s head before he can brush it off. Chanyeol doesn’t say that aloud, of course, so he only shakes his head and says, “Nah. I’m tired. I’ll talk to you later, Sehun.”
Chanyeol locks himself in his room once he gets home. He puts his music on full blast, closing the curtains and isolating himself from the outside world. Despite the seclusion from the rest of the world, Chanyeol knows that he’s not alone. No matter how hard he tries, Chaejin can still feel everything that he’s feeling. More than anything else, he wishes to be able to feel nothing but his own emotions for twenty-four hours.
Sehun. The name flashes into Chanyeol’s mind without any warning. It’s a different kind of reaction as to what Chanyeol had in the past. He had always looked upon Sehun with great fondness, like family, but it’s beginning to feel weird now that he’s realised how attractive and lovable Sehun is.
This isn’t right, Chanyeol panics, unable to stop the thoughts forming in his head. Yes, Sehun is attractive, yes, Sehun would be nice to date since he’s funny, considerate and he knows what Chanyeol needs more than anybody else. But at the same time, Chanyeol knows that Sehun deserves someone who can care and love him like he deserves the whole world, and there are many things that Chanyeol can’t give him even if he does like Sehun.
What am I saying? Chanyeol briefly slams his head against the wall, surprised at how easily he accepted that he likes Sehun. His best friend. Yes, he wants to be by Sehun’s side for as long as possible - forever, if it exists - but that’s not going to happen if Sehun finds out about Chanyeol’s feelings. He remembers Chaejin, and wonders if she’s picked up anything suspicious about his feelings.
I’ll just pretend to like someone else or just pin it on her or something…
A huge part of Chanyeol knows that it’s not possible. He knows that Chaejin will pick up on it if she hasn’t already, and that Sehun will also know that something is wrong. But Chanyeol can’t face him. Not now. Not like this. Maybe not ever. Since high school is ending soon, Chanyeol can just keep on ignoring him then he won’t have to see Sehun everyday anymore. It will all work out perfectly, right?
If only Chanyeol can imagine a life without him.
~~
The worst part of being twins who can feel each other’s emotions is that they can tell when the other is lying, and that they have chosen to lie to their twin.
“I’ve got the flu,” Chanyeol tells his parents one day.
“You’ve been working hard as an athlete and as a good student. You deserve a good rest,” their parents had said as a response, letting their son skip the next two days of school.
Chaejin knows it’s bullshit. Not that her brother isn’t a hard worker - he is, but she knows better than anyone else that instead of being physically sick, Chanyeol is feeling emotionally sick.
It’s scary. It’s scary because even at school, Chaejin’s palms begin to sweat when she’s in the middle of solving a physics question. It’s there when she’s eating lunch, the feeling of something eating her alive when everything she’s doing is completely innocent and out of good intent. Fear is a feeling that she’s not unfamiliar with, but it’s also odd to feel it now when everything at school is perfectly fine. Jongin passes her a carton of chocolate milk, but instead of feeling happy, the only thing Chaejin can feel is dread.
“Hey,” Chaejin speaks up in their small group of three. “Is everything alright with Chanyeol?”
“Yeah?” Sehun says an answer, but his certainty fades away into nothing once he sees the worry on Chaejin's face. “Is something wrong?”
Chaejin shakes her head profusely. “No... It's just... It feels…” She falters upon saying the word feel and judging from the expressions on Sehun and Jongin's faces, they picked up on it, too.
“What’s wrong?” Jongin asks, his brows furrowing in worry as he recalls how uneasy Chaejin has been feeling throughout the day. Her shifty eyes and constant fidgeting during physics now makes sense to Jongin. She shrugs, unable to look at him in the eye.
Chaejin shakes her head, dismissing their worries. “Maybe it’s just something that he feels now that he’s sick. I might just be reading too much into it.” Sehun and Jongin look at each other, unconvinced. If it was something like that, Chaejin wouldn’t bring it up like this since she knows how Chanyeol would usually feel when he’s sick. She brushes off their worries with a smile in her face, and the younger boys decide to let it go.
Chaejin checks her phone for a reply from her older brother, but it doesn’t come.
~~
It’s not something that Chanyeol feels when he’s sick, Sehun realises that too late when Chanyeol is back at school and he spends the following week too quiet for anyone’s liking. Most of Sehun’s phone calls and text messages are unanswered and he finds out from another hyung, Baekhyun, that Chanyeol spends most of his classes asleep. Sehun wants to dismiss it as Chanyeol overexerting himself, but when the older stops showing up to football trainings and he snaps at people when he’s asked about it, Sehun decides that it’s time to intervene.
“Hyung?” Sehun knocks on Chanyeol’s bedroom door before he turns the knob to find the older curled up in his bed. “Hey.”
Chanyeol sits up at the sound of his best friend’s voice. “Sehun? Don’t you have training today?”
Sehun snorts at that. “Don’t you?”
The older laughs at his comment as he tightens his blanket around him. “Good point. I’m not really feeling well at the moment.”
“I know,” Sehun says. He pauses, gestures at Chanyeol’s bed, asking for permission to sit down. Chanyeol nods and Sehun sits on the edge of the bed, unsure of what to say or do. Sehun licks his lips. There are a million things he wants to say to Chanyeol, like if he’s eaten or if he’s getting enough rest, but the only thing that he manages to say aloud is, “is everything okay?”
“Huh?” Chanyeol asks, seemingly dumbfounded by the question, but Sehun knows from the look in Chanyeol’s eyes that the older knows exactly what he’s talking about. “Yeah, everything’s okay.”
Sehun hesitates, unsure of whether he should continue or not. As if sensing his doubts, Chanyeol scoots closer to Sehun, giving him a reassuring smile. “It’s all okay, Sehun.”
“You know…” Sehun clears his throat, unsure of how to approach this topic. Despite their close bond, there hasn’t been any need for them to act deep with each other. “You can tell me if anything’s bothering you, hyung.”
Chanyeol looks at him with all seriousness in his eyes, and Sehun maintains the eye contact, hoping to get his message through. Sehun rarely calls him hyung - it’s something that happens when he’s apologetic or he wants to get on Chanyeol’s good side, and he knows that Chanyeol knows it. The fact that Chanyeol is acting indifferent towards it at the very moment makes Sehun feel like the end has come.
“I know, Sehun. Thank you.”
Chanyeol’s tone sounds so crisp, dismissive and final that Sehun feels obligated to stand up. And he does. He looks at his best friend, wondering what it is that could be bothering him so much and why he isn’t saying anything.
“Okay, hyung… I’ll just go and do calculus homework now,” Sehun lies. Chanyeol looks up at him, their gazes locking on each other’s as Sehun’s words sink in. They both know it’s not true. It’s not something that Sehun likes to do especially if he’s alone. It’s a challenge and Sehun knows that Chanyeol has realised it.
After a while, Chanyeol finally speaks up. “Okay, Sehun. Goodluck.”
Sehun walks away from Chanyeol’s room without another glance.
~~
Park Chaejin swears that she has the worst luck. After getting 80% on a test that she expected to get at least 92% on, forgetting her lunch and umbrella today, and being unable to talk to any of her best friends recently, Chaejin is just about ready to give up. She knows that this feeling of hopelessness is mainly influenced by Chanyeol, but she can’t help but allow herself to dwell on it. There are too many things that are going downhill, and Chaejin can’t help but be sad that too many things remind her of her friends who are giving each other the cold shoulder. She is not one to talk, though, remembering how it has recently become difficult for her to talk to Jongin. It makes her sad more than anything else. When things are this difficult, she wishes she has Jongin by her side. He has always been more optimistic and hard working.
Chaejin stretches her legs and arms as she prepares herself for another dance routine. At least even if everything is going to shit, Chaejin still has dance. Just as she loses herself in the music, she sees him, and her heart stops. She has dance, but with dance also comes the boy named Kim Jongin.
She continues to dance, her footsteps and movement executed precisely as she tries to ignore his presence in the room. When the song finishes, that’s when she finally acknowledges him.
“Hey,” Chaejin says, looking at Jongin through the dance mirror. “Have you had lunch?”
The hesitation in Jongin’s eyes serves as an answer. “Um…”
“Join me?” Chaejin asks, finally turning to pack up her things into her bag. When Jongin doesn’t answer, she sighs and grabs his wrist, all the while avoiding eye contact. It’s hard to ignore the rapid beating in her chest when she’s so close to Jongin like this. “Come on. You look like you need something to eat.”
“I…” Jongin falters. “I’m not-” His protests are hopeless once his stomach begins to growl, and Chaejin smiles triumphantly. “Fine,” Jongin groans, knowing that Chaejin wasn’t going to drop her lunch invitation anyway.
They eat out at one of the restaurants nearby. It’s a small yet lively restaurant, with a huge painting of the world map on its walls, along with messages written by strangers. Chaejin eyes one message in particular that reads: “when all of your dreams come true, who will be the one next to you?”
“Actually, I’m not hungry,” Jongin says as he puts the menu down. Chaejin gives him a knowing glare, and he picks up the menu once again.
“Order anything you want,” Chaejin says offhandedly.
Jongin looks uncomfortable, and Chaejin feels slightly guilty. “Chae, you know I don’t have the money…”
“I’ll pay for it,” she says without thinking twice, “I know that, but I also know that you need some rest and some food because you look like you’re about to drop dead, and I always thought that you’re drop dead gorgeous, without literally dropping dead. So, order.”
Jongin looks at Chaejin in an attempt to see if she’s lying, but she’s looking at him with wide, sincere eyes that he can’t help but comply. Once he settles his orders (making sure that he doesn’t ask for too much), he finally brings his attention to Chaejin.
“I’m not… a charity case, you know,” he begins.
Chaejin looks up at him. “Yeah. I know.”
“Then… why?”
“You’re my best friend, you idiot, in case you’ve forgotten. I’m sure if you found me in the same state that you’re in, you would be doing the same.”
Jongin nods, seemingly content with her answer. But the way he picks up his chopsticks and plays with it with open air, Chaejin knows that he has something else he wants to say.
“What?”
The younger looks at her, about to ask what she meant by what, but he can tell from her steely eyes that she’s determined to get an answer from him. What do you want to say? What’s on your mind? What aren’t you telling me?
Jongin knows that when you like a person, you can’t deny them of anything. Chaejin knows the control she holds over him too, hence the stare. Jongin can’t help but sigh. “I was just going to say that lately… I haven’t been sure if we’re still best friends.”
Chaejin’s eyes widen, clearly not expecting an answer like that. “What? Why?”
“You know…”
Chaejin worries her lip between her teeth as Jongin looks down on the empty table between them. “Because… of your confession?”
Jongin hesitates, but seeing how Chaejin can be open about it, he doesn’t see why he can’t be. “Yeah,” he decides to answer, “I thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me anymore.” Chaejin shakes her head and Jongin lets out a huge sigh of relief just as their food arrives. They don’t say anything for a few moments as they dig in, and Jongin feels the fullest he has ever felt in the past few weeks.
“No matter what,” Chaejin says, putting her chopsticks down momentarily to look at Jongin in the eye. “I still want to be your best friend. In all honesty, I wish I could give you an answer to your confession because I know how terrible it is to lead you on, but I can’t. I honestly don’t know.”
“What… What do you mean?” Jongin asks. “Is it something that you need more time to think about? Because that’s fine-”
“No,” Chaejin says, hesitating for a moment, unsure of whether she should bring up the elephant in the room. “I… I’m not sure about how I feel about you. There are days in which I wonder what it would be like to date you, but at the same time I’m not sure if those feelings are mine or Chanyeol’s.”
That’s when it all clicks in. Jongin lets out a long ‘ah’ sound like he’s discovered a big secret. “You mean because of Chanyeol and Sehun.”
“Yeah,” Chaejin admits sheepishly, before returning to eat her noodles. “Like, sometimes I do think I like you but I’m really not sure if I’m being influenced or not. Do you understand? I don’t know - I don’t want to get either of our hopes up if I just told you that I do like you, without taking Chanyeol’s feelings into account.”
Jongin nods, always patient, always considerate. “But… regardless of whether or not Chanyeol’s feelings affect how you see me… do you think you can give us a chance?”
Jongin’s question hits Chaejin like a million bricks. Judging by the surprised look on her face, Jongin knows that he needs to give her more time to think.
~~
It was inevitable. In all honesty, they’re both shocked that they’re only having this talk now. In retrospect, it was just a matter of time until they both felt the feelings of infatuation towards a person, and Chanyeol isn’t quite sure why they’ve delayed this talk for such a long time.
“So…” Chaejin starts conversationally, leaning across the doorway of Chanyeol’s bedroom. She isn’t sure how to start the conversation. So… you’re gay? So… you like your best friend? seem too straightforward when she knows that it’s a sensitive topic.
“So…” Chanyeol looks up at his sister, gesturing to close the door behind her. He motions her to move closer and once she does, he smiles. “So… two weeks is the period of time you gave me to think to myself?”
“That, and I was thinking that you would take a shorter period of time to tell me what’s going on,” Chaejin says. There’s a hint of disappointment in her voice that surprises Chanyeol, who seems oblivious as to why she would be feeling this way. “Honestly, Chanyeol…”
“What?” the older twin asks, furrowing his brows at the sudden seriousness of Chaejin’s voice. He fights the urge to ruffle her hair and lighten up the mood at the sight of the stern expression on her face. “What did I do wrong?”
Chaejin sighs, wondering how she’s stuck with such an oblivious brother. “I wish you would tell me things.”
“What kind of things?” Chanyeol asks. “Like, what I ate for breakfast, whether I’ve done my homework or-”
“I don’t think you understand how this works,” Chaejin says slowly, carefully, like she’s taming a hurt animal. The next few words that come out of her mouth are going to be some of the most important that she would ever say. “Yes, I know how you’re feeling, but when you spend so many of your days feeling scared and sad, I can’t help but feel it too. I’m not saying it’s wrong for you to feel like that - because I don’t know why you’re feeling that way. I need you to tell me, Chanyeol.”
“I don’t see the point,” Chanyeol replies, and Chaejin looks astonished, not anticipating that answer. “We already feel like we don’t have enough privacy, I don’t see why we have to share everything. What if some are just personal problems-”
“I get that. I get what you mean. Honestly,” Chaejin lets out an exasperated sigh. “Most of the days I wonder whether I’m myself or whether I’m you. It’s hard for me, too, okay? But we’re stuck like this, and you’re my brother, and when you’re feeling terrible I can’t help but worry. Besides, it’s not just me. Sehun has been really sulky lately.”
At the sound of his best friend’s name, Chanyeol looks more interested in the conversation. Chaejin huffs and shakes her head disappointedly.
“That’s right. Sehun, your best friend, remember? The one that you haven’t been treating well in the past few days. He told me you didn’t answer any of his calls or texts.”
“We see each other everyday-”
“That’s not the point!” Chaejin exclaims. Chanyeol’s eyes widen at his sister’s tone, but Chaejin isn’t going to stop now. “This time next year you aren’t going to see each other everyday, and if you keep this going, you might not even talk to each other. The point is that you can’t just ignore Sehun, and more importantly, you can’t ignore your feelings.”
Chanyeol stands straight and tall. He folds his arms across his chest, ready for a long argument. Judging by Chaejin’s hands on her hips, she is, too. With a resigned sigh, Chanyeol hangs his head. “How long have you known?”
“A while,” Chaejin says as an answer, immediately knowing what he’s asking. “I knew it before you did.”
“Fuck.” Chanyeol shakes his head, trying to understand what Chaejin is telling him. He’s liked Sehun for a long time now? “Fuck, what am I going to do?”
“Talk to him,” Chaejin says with a calmer tone. “I’m sure he’ll hear you out. You two have been friends for years, he won’t just let it fall apart-”
“But I don’t know how he’s going to react, Chae,” Chanyeol says, immediately beginning to worry at the thought of Sehun’s reaction towards his sexuality. “What if he tells everyone-”
Chaejin walks towards her brother in long strides. She puts her hands on his arms, hoping to shake some sense into him. “You have to trust him, Yeol. He’s your best friend. Have some faith in him, won’t you?”
“You’re one to talk,” Chanyeol says, eyeing his little sister. “Jongin has placed so much faith in you, too.” Chaejin drops her hands, blinking at the sudden change of topic. “What? You think I didn’t notice that I wasn’t the only one who has feelings like these?”
Chaejin immediately shakes her head, clearly in denial, but Chanyeol already knows the answer before this conversation even started. “Park Chaejin, I cannot tell you all the times I felt sudden rushes of affection towards someone when I was alone. I think it’s about time that we think deeper into this and that we stop lying to ourselves. As you said, time is running out and we’re not going to see them everyday anymore. I’ll admit that I can’t imagine not being with Sehun everyday, but can you admit that with Jongin?”
~~
“I love you.”
Jongin blinks at the three words that he’s always wanted to hear from Chaejin, unsure if he’s heard her correctly.
“I love you, as a best friend, maybe something more, but I don’t know,” Chaejin continues to ramble on, her words faster than Jongin has ever heard her speak. “I don’t know anything about true love and all that but I know that I do love you, and it would be nice if we gave this a shot. I think.”
Jongin laughs at the sight of a very flustered Chaejin. As the younger one between the two of them, he rarely sees her like this. It’s adorable. “Okay, if that’s what you want.” Chaejin nods wordlessly and he takes a deep breath. “Can I… Can I kiss you?”
Chaejin looks surprised at his question. Her mind races back to all those weeks ago when she had admitted that she had never been kissed, and the thought of Jongin as her first makes her feel warm and full of fluff. She smiles timidly at him before nodding, all the while hoping that Chanyeol doesn’t mind feeling like his heart is beating at a hundred kilometres per hour. All thoughts of her brother disappear when Jongin’s lips press softly against hers, and she sighs deeply into the kiss like it’s something that’s been rightfully hers.
~~
“That’s it?” Sehun exclaims, staring unblinkingly at his best friend. “That’s the big news you wanted to tell me?”
“I just told you I love you and you’re telling me that that’s it?” Chanyeol asks, flabbergasted. He doesn’t recall why this is a good idea. Sehun is making it very hard to remember. But when Sehun smiles at him, complete with the tender look in his eyes, Chanyeol can’t help but stare.
“What?” Chanyeol asks.
“Is this what’s been worrying you the entire time?” Sehun asks in a calmer tone. When Chanyeol doesn’t give an answer, the younger sighs and takes Chanyeol’s hand in his. “If I had known, I would have told you not to worry at all.”
Chanyeol blinks dumbfoundedly at Sehun’s answer. “You’re okay with me having feelings for you? Not in a ‘bro’ way?”
Sehun laughs at the question. It sounds so naive that he can’t help but smile. “Even better. I feel the same way.”
“Wait… You mean…” Chanyeol’s mind races to too many thoughts at once, wondering where to start. He had thought about confessing to clear his mind, but he never thought of getting an answer like this. “You mean… you’ve liked me for a while now?”
“I had a crush on you when I first met you, hyung, but I fought it off because I didn’t want to seem like a child to you, and I didn’t want you to think lowly of me,” Sehun confesses, and Chanyeol feels like things are moving too fast (or maybe that’s just his own heart, he doesn’t know.) “You’ve always been caring and funny and yeah, stupid, but I can’t help but feel how I feel, just like you can’t. But because I do want to give it a shot with you, I’m not denying my feelings for you either.”
“So… I can do couple things with you?” Chanyeol clarifies. “Like… hold your hand?”
Sehun brings up their intertwined hands, and Chanyeol looks at it, surprised. “Already ahead of you.”
~~
”Whose idea is this again?” Jongin grumbles as the four friends step onto the platform. When Sehun and Chanyeol collectively point at his girlfriend who ducks her head, Jongin doesn’t know whether to laugh or scream. “Seriously? I can’t tell what you were thinking at the time.”
“I was young,” Chaejin says as a reminder. “I was a high school student.”
“You stopped being a high school student only two months ago,” Sehun puts in, and Chaejin can’t help but shrug.
“It was a long time ago,” Chaejin repeats, as the instructors ensure that she and Jongin are wearing their harnesses. Chanyeol and Sehun had determined that Chaejin and Jongin should go first, since it’s the pair that has a lady in it and ladies first is a principle that they always follow.
“Scared?” Jongin asks her as they stand on the edge, ready to jump. He still can’t believe that he allowed his girlfriend to talk about doing something as stupid as bungee jumping, but he would rather do it with her than have her do it alone. The four friends had almost forgotten about the challenge of bungee jumping once they became couples, since there had been many things and places that they wanted to go or see before they did something this adventurous.
“Nah,” Chaejin replies as she slips her hand into his. “It’s just another excuse for me to hold your hand as I scream out your name.”
“That is disgusting,” Chanyeol intervenes and Sehun is making gagging sounds. Chaejin merely turns to wink at them before the couple gets ready to make their own jump. When they do, all Chanyeol and Sehun can hear are screams and bursts of laughter that neither can decipher as exciting or terrifying.
“What about you?” Sehun asks as the beautiful sounds of Park Chaejin cursing can be heard in the distance, “are you scared?”
“More like excited this time,” Chanyeol admits, offering his hand for the younger to take. “We’ve had a lot of stupid, reckless memories but this might be the best one.” Sehun hums in agreement as he leans towards his boyfriend, breathing in his scent.
“Well, I’m glad you haven’t gotten sick of me yet, college boy.”
Chanyeol laughs at the nickname which sounds half catchy, half threatening. “You’re one to talk. You’re on your final year of high school, who knows what you’ve got up your sleeves.”
Sehun really wants to shut him up with a kiss right now, and have nibble lightly on Chanyeol’s lips as a punishment for ever saying something like that. Judging from the teasing look in Chanyeol’s eyes, he knows what Sehun is thinking and what he wants right now, but Chanyeol only puts an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders.
“This is the most PDA I can give you,” Chanyeol says rather teasingly. Sehun groans into Chanyeol’s shoulder, just as Chaejin and Jongin have finished their jump. When it’s finally their turn, Chanyeol and Sehun’s eyes are tangled around each other’s like a complicated camper’s knot, and Chanyeol can’t help but laugh. He has never imagined that he would be bungee jumping with his boyfriend, Sehun, and he never thought that the primary emotion that he’s feeling as they’re about to jump in front of the world is excitement rather than fear.
“No, hyung,” Sehun says, as if he can look into Chanyeol’s thoughts, “please don’t tell me you’re making a pun in your head about falling in love and how exciting and terrifying it is.”
But he is, and hearing Sehun say it like that makes Chanyeol feel rather proud in his choice of boyfriend. He can remember those hard weeks in which he had isolated himself once he realised that he was beginning to fall, but he realises now that it was a jump that was worth it. As his grip on Sehun’s hand tightens, Chanyeol can’t help but smile at the look of fear on the younger’s face.
“I love you,” Chanyeol repeats, taking Sehun by surprise. That’s when they finally jump, and all thoughts of dying are replaced by the feelings of glee and excitement that they have somebody to spend these moments with.
← [1/2]
When there’s a notice about the football team, asking for its representatives to come forward, that’s when Chanyeol realises it’s time. He doesn’t have time to ask why Sehun is putting their entire team’s name in on this, but maybe they’ll thank Sehun one day. Maybe.
The song begins to play and it’s Sehun who immediately gets up from his seat, slowly removing his jacket as he bends down to do some body rolls. The girls on the seats in front of him start to scream, and that’s when Chanyeol realises that Sehun wasn’t lying - he is a good dancer. Sehun has a good control of his body as well as the audience’s reaction, and even the teachers can’t say anything but gawk at him. Chanyeol can’t argue with their response either - he almost forgot that he’s meant to be a part of this, mesmerised by the smile and the serious and dark look on Sehun’s face that makes Chanyeol want to fan himself.
Maybe that should have raised alarms in Chanyeol’s head, but it doesn’t cross his mind again until the event is done. Chanyeol soon stands up, running his fingers through his hair as he swiftly removes his jacket in one motion. The screams become louder once they realise that Oh Sehun and Park Chanyeol are in on this. He and Sehun begin to make their way to dance towards the stage, where everyone’s eyes are on them.
When Chanyeol runs his fingers slowly on Sehun’s arm before resting a hand on the younger’s shoulder, he looks at the dark expression on Sehun’s face as the younger bites his lip seductively. Maybe it was taking it too far, but all Chanyeol can think about is how they could make this performance better. Grinding isn’t an option, Chanyeol reminds himself, no matter how tempted he is to do it judging by their position. With the song coming to an end, they only continue to do their previous moves, but once it finishes, Chanyeol puts his hands on Sehun’s, his eyes asking an unspoken question. Sehun looks at him with questioning eyes, but he nods anyway, trusting his best friend on whatever he decides to do.
Chanyeol spins Sehun and dips him down as the grand finale. The students hoot and cheer at the sight of their two football players, and Chanyeol smiles down at the flustered look on Sehun’s face. This is when it starts. Sputtering, Sehun removes himself from Chanyeol’s hold, remembering that they have to make an announcement or they’ll get in extra trouble for this.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” Sehun says in a commanding tone, “good morning. The message from the football team is as follows: do not be too serious. Do not take the whole world upon your shoulders. Dance and have some fun. Do not care about things like your reputation. That is all.”
The students applaud Sehun for his ‘speech,’ whereas some of the teachers look around with doubtful looks. Sehun looks at Chanyeol with a grin on his face and he grabs his hand, quickly lacing their fingers together as they escape the stares of the crowd in the auditorium.
~~
“So…” Chaejin says with a very amused look on her face. “That went well. I mean - damn, did you see everyone’s reactions?”
It’s the umpteenth time today that Chaejin is talking about the morning’s event, and Jongin still doesn’t understand why she’s bringing it up even now at lunch time. Sehun and Chanyeol are gone to buy some food, and Jongin is stuck listening to Chaejin’s admiration.
“So many people went up to me like, ’wah, isn’t he your twin?’” Chaejin’s eyes disappear into crescents as she laughs, and Jongin can’t hide the jealousy any longer as he lets out a long, agonising breath.
“Yeah, I guess they were pretty good.”
“I didn’t know Sehun could dance,” Chaejin admits and Jongin nods. “Maybe we should ask him if he wants to join us at the studio-”
“No,” Jongin says, a little too quickly and forcefully. Chaejin looks shocked at the amount of force he put into one word, “No… you can’t.”
“Why not?” Chaejin asks. Jongin wants to tell her - you’re the older one, don’t act like you’re innocent and you don’t know what’s going on in here - but he knows he has to speak up to be heard. Now that Chanyeol and Sehun aren’t here, Jongin knows it’s the perfect opportunity.
“Because dance is our thing,” Jongin says as if that explains everything. Chaejin only continues to look confused, but there’s a somewhat understanding look in her eyes, anticipating the next words that are about to come. “It’s ours, Chae. I don’t want him to take more of your time…”
“Jongin,” Chaejin says with a tired smile. “If it’s about the horror movies-”
Jongin shakes his head profusely. “That’s not it. It’s not about the horror movies. It’s about me liking you.”
Chaejin nearly chokes on her food.
~~
On the following day, Chanyeol admits that he’s having a hard time during training when all he can do is look around for Sehun. Since the event yesterday, Sehun has been on Chanyeol’s mind too much - more than what can be called innocent. Not only because he’s thought of Sehun’s dancing, but he may or may not have also thought about pinning the younger man underneath him as he kissed him senseless.
It’s more terrible than anything else, especially once they’ve finished training and Sehun is changing right in front of him while maintaining a conversation about the upcoming matches. Unable to take it any longer, Chanyeol finally excuses himself to go home.
“Aren’t I coming home with you?” Sehun asks, surprised at Chanyeol’s desire for a sudden departure.
I wish you were always, the thought makes it to Chanyeol’s head before he can brush it off. Chanyeol doesn’t say that aloud, of course, so he only shakes his head and says, “Nah. I’m tired. I’ll talk to you later, Sehun.”
Chanyeol locks himself in his room once he gets home. He puts his music on full blast, closing the curtains and isolating himself from the outside world. Despite the seclusion from the rest of the world, Chanyeol knows that he’s not alone. No matter how hard he tries, Chaejin can still feel everything that he’s feeling. More than anything else, he wishes to be able to feel nothing but his own emotions for twenty-four hours.
Sehun. The name flashes into Chanyeol’s mind without any warning. It’s a different kind of reaction as to what Chanyeol had in the past. He had always looked upon Sehun with great fondness, like family, but it’s beginning to feel weird now that he’s realised how attractive and lovable Sehun is.
This isn’t right, Chanyeol panics, unable to stop the thoughts forming in his head. Yes, Sehun is attractive, yes, Sehun would be nice to date since he’s funny, considerate and he knows what Chanyeol needs more than anybody else. But at the same time, Chanyeol knows that Sehun deserves someone who can care and love him like he deserves the whole world, and there are many things that Chanyeol can’t give him even if he does like Sehun.
What am I saying? Chanyeol briefly slams his head against the wall, surprised at how easily he accepted that he likes Sehun. His best friend. Yes, he wants to be by Sehun’s side for as long as possible - forever, if it exists - but that’s not going to happen if Sehun finds out about Chanyeol’s feelings. He remembers Chaejin, and wonders if she’s picked up anything suspicious about his feelings.
I’ll just pretend to like someone else or just pin it on her or something…
A huge part of Chanyeol knows that it’s not possible. He knows that Chaejin will pick up on it if she hasn’t already, and that Sehun will also know that something is wrong. But Chanyeol can’t face him. Not now. Not like this. Maybe not ever. Since high school is ending soon, Chanyeol can just keep on ignoring him then he won’t have to see Sehun everyday anymore. It will all work out perfectly, right?
If only Chanyeol can imagine a life without him.
~~
The worst part of being twins who can feel each other’s emotions is that they can tell when the other is lying, and that they have chosen to lie to their twin.
“I’ve got the flu,” Chanyeol tells his parents one day.
“You’ve been working hard as an athlete and as a good student. You deserve a good rest,” their parents had said as a response, letting their son skip the next two days of school.
Chaejin knows it’s bullshit. Not that her brother isn’t a hard worker - he is, but she knows better than anyone else that instead of being physically sick, Chanyeol is feeling emotionally sick.
It’s scary. It’s scary because even at school, Chaejin’s palms begin to sweat when she’s in the middle of solving a physics question. It’s there when she’s eating lunch, the feeling of something eating her alive when everything she’s doing is completely innocent and out of good intent. Fear is a feeling that she’s not unfamiliar with, but it’s also odd to feel it now when everything at school is perfectly fine. Jongin passes her a carton of chocolate milk, but instead of feeling happy, the only thing Chaejin can feel is dread.
“Hey,” Chaejin speaks up in their small group of three. “Is everything alright with Chanyeol?”
“Yeah?” Sehun says an answer, but his certainty fades away into nothing once he sees the worry on Chaejin's face. “Is something wrong?”
Chaejin shakes her head profusely. “No... It's just... It feels…” She falters upon saying the word feel and judging from the expressions on Sehun and Jongin's faces, they picked up on it, too.
“What’s wrong?” Jongin asks, his brows furrowing in worry as he recalls how uneasy Chaejin has been feeling throughout the day. Her shifty eyes and constant fidgeting during physics now makes sense to Jongin. She shrugs, unable to look at him in the eye.
Chaejin shakes her head, dismissing their worries. “Maybe it’s just something that he feels now that he’s sick. I might just be reading too much into it.” Sehun and Jongin look at each other, unconvinced. If it was something like that, Chaejin wouldn’t bring it up like this since she knows how Chanyeol would usually feel when he’s sick. She brushes off their worries with a smile in her face, and the younger boys decide to let it go.
Chaejin checks her phone for a reply from her older brother, but it doesn’t come.
~~
It’s not something that Chanyeol feels when he’s sick, Sehun realises that too late when Chanyeol is back at school and he spends the following week too quiet for anyone’s liking. Most of Sehun’s phone calls and text messages are unanswered and he finds out from another hyung, Baekhyun, that Chanyeol spends most of his classes asleep. Sehun wants to dismiss it as Chanyeol overexerting himself, but when the older stops showing up to football trainings and he snaps at people when he’s asked about it, Sehun decides that it’s time to intervene.
“Hyung?” Sehun knocks on Chanyeol’s bedroom door before he turns the knob to find the older curled up in his bed. “Hey.”
Chanyeol sits up at the sound of his best friend’s voice. “Sehun? Don’t you have training today?”
Sehun snorts at that. “Don’t you?”
The older laughs at his comment as he tightens his blanket around him. “Good point. I’m not really feeling well at the moment.”
“I know,” Sehun says. He pauses, gestures at Chanyeol’s bed, asking for permission to sit down. Chanyeol nods and Sehun sits on the edge of the bed, unsure of what to say or do. Sehun licks his lips. There are a million things he wants to say to Chanyeol, like if he’s eaten or if he’s getting enough rest, but the only thing that he manages to say aloud is, “is everything okay?”
“Huh?” Chanyeol asks, seemingly dumbfounded by the question, but Sehun knows from the look in Chanyeol’s eyes that the older knows exactly what he’s talking about. “Yeah, everything’s okay.”
Sehun hesitates, unsure of whether he should continue or not. As if sensing his doubts, Chanyeol scoots closer to Sehun, giving him a reassuring smile. “It’s all okay, Sehun.”
“You know…” Sehun clears his throat, unsure of how to approach this topic. Despite their close bond, there hasn’t been any need for them to act deep with each other. “You can tell me if anything’s bothering you, hyung.”
Chanyeol looks at him with all seriousness in his eyes, and Sehun maintains the eye contact, hoping to get his message through. Sehun rarely calls him hyung - it’s something that happens when he’s apologetic or he wants to get on Chanyeol’s good side, and he knows that Chanyeol knows it. The fact that Chanyeol is acting indifferent towards it at the very moment makes Sehun feel like the end has come.
“I know, Sehun. Thank you.”
Chanyeol’s tone sounds so crisp, dismissive and final that Sehun feels obligated to stand up. And he does. He looks at his best friend, wondering what it is that could be bothering him so much and why he isn’t saying anything.
“Okay, hyung… I’ll just go and do calculus homework now,” Sehun lies. Chanyeol looks up at him, their gazes locking on each other’s as Sehun’s words sink in. They both know it’s not true. It’s not something that Sehun likes to do especially if he’s alone. It’s a challenge and Sehun knows that Chanyeol has realised it.
After a while, Chanyeol finally speaks up. “Okay, Sehun. Goodluck.”
Sehun walks away from Chanyeol’s room without another glance.
~~
Park Chaejin swears that she has the worst luck. After getting 80% on a test that she expected to get at least 92% on, forgetting her lunch and umbrella today, and being unable to talk to any of her best friends recently, Chaejin is just about ready to give up. She knows that this feeling of hopelessness is mainly influenced by Chanyeol, but she can’t help but allow herself to dwell on it. There are too many things that are going downhill, and Chaejin can’t help but be sad that too many things remind her of her friends who are giving each other the cold shoulder. She is not one to talk, though, remembering how it has recently become difficult for her to talk to Jongin. It makes her sad more than anything else. When things are this difficult, she wishes she has Jongin by her side. He has always been more optimistic and hard working.
Chaejin stretches her legs and arms as she prepares herself for another dance routine. At least even if everything is going to shit, Chaejin still has dance. Just as she loses herself in the music, she sees him, and her heart stops. She has dance, but with dance also comes the boy named Kim Jongin.
She continues to dance, her footsteps and movement executed precisely as she tries to ignore his presence in the room. When the song finishes, that’s when she finally acknowledges him.
“Hey,” Chaejin says, looking at Jongin through the dance mirror. “Have you had lunch?”
The hesitation in Jongin’s eyes serves as an answer. “Um…”
“Join me?” Chaejin asks, finally turning to pack up her things into her bag. When Jongin doesn’t answer, she sighs and grabs his wrist, all the while avoiding eye contact. It’s hard to ignore the rapid beating in her chest when she’s so close to Jongin like this. “Come on. You look like you need something to eat.”
“I…” Jongin falters. “I’m not-” His protests are hopeless once his stomach begins to growl, and Chaejin smiles triumphantly. “Fine,” Jongin groans, knowing that Chaejin wasn’t going to drop her lunch invitation anyway.
They eat out at one of the restaurants nearby. It’s a small yet lively restaurant, with a huge painting of the world map on its walls, along with messages written by strangers. Chaejin eyes one message in particular that reads: “when all of your dreams come true, who will be the one next to you?”
“Actually, I’m not hungry,” Jongin says as he puts the menu down. Chaejin gives him a knowing glare, and he picks up the menu once again.
“Order anything you want,” Chaejin says offhandedly.
Jongin looks uncomfortable, and Chaejin feels slightly guilty. “Chae, you know I don’t have the money…”
“I’ll pay for it,” she says without thinking twice, “I know that, but I also know that you need some rest and some food because you look like you’re about to drop dead, and I always thought that you’re drop dead gorgeous, without literally dropping dead. So, order.”
Jongin looks at Chaejin in an attempt to see if she’s lying, but she’s looking at him with wide, sincere eyes that he can’t help but comply. Once he settles his orders (making sure that he doesn’t ask for too much), he finally brings his attention to Chaejin.
“I’m not… a charity case, you know,” he begins.
Chaejin looks up at him. “Yeah. I know.”
“Then… why?”
“You’re my best friend, you idiot, in case you’ve forgotten. I’m sure if you found me in the same state that you’re in, you would be doing the same.”
Jongin nods, seemingly content with her answer. But the way he picks up his chopsticks and plays with it with open air, Chaejin knows that he has something else he wants to say.
“What?”
The younger looks at her, about to ask what she meant by what, but he can tell from her steely eyes that she’s determined to get an answer from him. What do you want to say? What’s on your mind? What aren’t you telling me?
Jongin knows that when you like a person, you can’t deny them of anything. Chaejin knows the control she holds over him too, hence the stare. Jongin can’t help but sigh. “I was just going to say that lately… I haven’t been sure if we’re still best friends.”
Chaejin’s eyes widen, clearly not expecting an answer like that. “What? Why?”
“You know…”
Chaejin worries her lip between her teeth as Jongin looks down on the empty table between them. “Because… of your confession?”
Jongin hesitates, but seeing how Chaejin can be open about it, he doesn’t see why he can’t be. “Yeah,” he decides to answer, “I thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me anymore.” Chaejin shakes her head and Jongin lets out a huge sigh of relief just as their food arrives. They don’t say anything for a few moments as they dig in, and Jongin feels the fullest he has ever felt in the past few weeks.
“No matter what,” Chaejin says, putting her chopsticks down momentarily to look at Jongin in the eye. “I still want to be your best friend. In all honesty, I wish I could give you an answer to your confession because I know how terrible it is to lead you on, but I can’t. I honestly don’t know.”
“What… What do you mean?” Jongin asks. “Is it something that you need more time to think about? Because that’s fine-”
“No,” Chaejin says, hesitating for a moment, unsure of whether she should bring up the elephant in the room. “I… I’m not sure about how I feel about you. There are days in which I wonder what it would be like to date you, but at the same time I’m not sure if those feelings are mine or Chanyeol’s.”
That’s when it all clicks in. Jongin lets out a long ‘ah’ sound like he’s discovered a big secret. “You mean because of Chanyeol and Sehun.”
“Yeah,” Chaejin admits sheepishly, before returning to eat her noodles. “Like, sometimes I do think I like you but I’m really not sure if I’m being influenced or not. Do you understand? I don’t know - I don’t want to get either of our hopes up if I just told you that I do like you, without taking Chanyeol’s feelings into account.”
Jongin nods, always patient, always considerate. “But… regardless of whether or not Chanyeol’s feelings affect how you see me… do you think you can give us a chance?”
Jongin’s question hits Chaejin like a million bricks. Judging by the surprised look on her face, Jongin knows that he needs to give her more time to think.
~~
It was inevitable. In all honesty, they’re both shocked that they’re only having this talk now. In retrospect, it was just a matter of time until they both felt the feelings of infatuation towards a person, and Chanyeol isn’t quite sure why they’ve delayed this talk for such a long time.
“So…” Chaejin starts conversationally, leaning across the doorway of Chanyeol’s bedroom. She isn’t sure how to start the conversation. So… you’re gay? So… you like your best friend? seem too straightforward when she knows that it’s a sensitive topic.
“So…” Chanyeol looks up at his sister, gesturing to close the door behind her. He motions her to move closer and once she does, he smiles. “So… two weeks is the period of time you gave me to think to myself?”
“That, and I was thinking that you would take a shorter period of time to tell me what’s going on,” Chaejin says. There’s a hint of disappointment in her voice that surprises Chanyeol, who seems oblivious as to why she would be feeling this way. “Honestly, Chanyeol…”
“What?” the older twin asks, furrowing his brows at the sudden seriousness of Chaejin’s voice. He fights the urge to ruffle her hair and lighten up the mood at the sight of the stern expression on her face. “What did I do wrong?”
Chaejin sighs, wondering how she’s stuck with such an oblivious brother. “I wish you would tell me things.”
“What kind of things?” Chanyeol asks. “Like, what I ate for breakfast, whether I’ve done my homework or-”
“I don’t think you understand how this works,” Chaejin says slowly, carefully, like she’s taming a hurt animal. The next few words that come out of her mouth are going to be some of the most important that she would ever say. “Yes, I know how you’re feeling, but when you spend so many of your days feeling scared and sad, I can’t help but feel it too. I’m not saying it’s wrong for you to feel like that - because I don’t know why you’re feeling that way. I need you to tell me, Chanyeol.”
“I don’t see the point,” Chanyeol replies, and Chaejin looks astonished, not anticipating that answer. “We already feel like we don’t have enough privacy, I don’t see why we have to share everything. What if some are just personal problems-”
“I get that. I get what you mean. Honestly,” Chaejin lets out an exasperated sigh. “Most of the days I wonder whether I’m myself or whether I’m you. It’s hard for me, too, okay? But we’re stuck like this, and you’re my brother, and when you’re feeling terrible I can’t help but worry. Besides, it’s not just me. Sehun has been really sulky lately.”
At the sound of his best friend’s name, Chanyeol looks more interested in the conversation. Chaejin huffs and shakes her head disappointedly.
“That’s right. Sehun, your best friend, remember? The one that you haven’t been treating well in the past few days. He told me you didn’t answer any of his calls or texts.”
“We see each other everyday-”
“That’s not the point!” Chaejin exclaims. Chanyeol’s eyes widen at his sister’s tone, but Chaejin isn’t going to stop now. “This time next year you aren’t going to see each other everyday, and if you keep this going, you might not even talk to each other. The point is that you can’t just ignore Sehun, and more importantly, you can’t ignore your feelings.”
Chanyeol stands straight and tall. He folds his arms across his chest, ready for a long argument. Judging by Chaejin’s hands on her hips, she is, too. With a resigned sigh, Chanyeol hangs his head. “How long have you known?”
“A while,” Chaejin says as an answer, immediately knowing what he’s asking. “I knew it before you did.”
“Fuck.” Chanyeol shakes his head, trying to understand what Chaejin is telling him. He’s liked Sehun for a long time now? “Fuck, what am I going to do?”
“Talk to him,” Chaejin says with a calmer tone. “I’m sure he’ll hear you out. You two have been friends for years, he won’t just let it fall apart-”
“But I don’t know how he’s going to react, Chae,” Chanyeol says, immediately beginning to worry at the thought of Sehun’s reaction towards his sexuality. “What if he tells everyone-”
Chaejin walks towards her brother in long strides. She puts her hands on his arms, hoping to shake some sense into him. “You have to trust him, Yeol. He’s your best friend. Have some faith in him, won’t you?”
“You’re one to talk,” Chanyeol says, eyeing his little sister. “Jongin has placed so much faith in you, too.” Chaejin drops her hands, blinking at the sudden change of topic. “What? You think I didn’t notice that I wasn’t the only one who has feelings like these?”
Chaejin immediately shakes her head, clearly in denial, but Chanyeol already knows the answer before this conversation even started. “Park Chaejin, I cannot tell you all the times I felt sudden rushes of affection towards someone when I was alone. I think it’s about time that we think deeper into this and that we stop lying to ourselves. As you said, time is running out and we’re not going to see them everyday anymore. I’ll admit that I can’t imagine not being with Sehun everyday, but can you admit that with Jongin?”
~~
“I love you.”
Jongin blinks at the three words that he’s always wanted to hear from Chaejin, unsure if he’s heard her correctly.
“I love you, as a best friend, maybe something more, but I don’t know,” Chaejin continues to ramble on, her words faster than Jongin has ever heard her speak. “I don’t know anything about true love and all that but I know that I do love you, and it would be nice if we gave this a shot. I think.”
Jongin laughs at the sight of a very flustered Chaejin. As the younger one between the two of them, he rarely sees her like this. It’s adorable. “Okay, if that’s what you want.” Chaejin nods wordlessly and he takes a deep breath. “Can I… Can I kiss you?”
Chaejin looks surprised at his question. Her mind races back to all those weeks ago when she had admitted that she had never been kissed, and the thought of Jongin as her first makes her feel warm and full of fluff. She smiles timidly at him before nodding, all the while hoping that Chanyeol doesn’t mind feeling like his heart is beating at a hundred kilometres per hour. All thoughts of her brother disappear when Jongin’s lips press softly against hers, and she sighs deeply into the kiss like it’s something that’s been rightfully hers.
~~
“That’s it?” Sehun exclaims, staring unblinkingly at his best friend. “That’s the big news you wanted to tell me?”
“I just told you I love you and you’re telling me that that’s it?” Chanyeol asks, flabbergasted. He doesn’t recall why this is a good idea. Sehun is making it very hard to remember. But when Sehun smiles at him, complete with the tender look in his eyes, Chanyeol can’t help but stare.
“What?” Chanyeol asks.
“Is this what’s been worrying you the entire time?” Sehun asks in a calmer tone. When Chanyeol doesn’t give an answer, the younger sighs and takes Chanyeol’s hand in his. “If I had known, I would have told you not to worry at all.”
Chanyeol blinks dumbfoundedly at Sehun’s answer. “You’re okay with me having feelings for you? Not in a ‘bro’ way?”
Sehun laughs at the question. It sounds so naive that he can’t help but smile. “Even better. I feel the same way.”
“Wait… You mean…” Chanyeol’s mind races to too many thoughts at once, wondering where to start. He had thought about confessing to clear his mind, but he never thought of getting an answer like this. “You mean… you’ve liked me for a while now?”
“I had a crush on you when I first met you, hyung, but I fought it off because I didn’t want to seem like a child to you, and I didn’t want you to think lowly of me,” Sehun confesses, and Chanyeol feels like things are moving too fast (or maybe that’s just his own heart, he doesn’t know.) “You’ve always been caring and funny and yeah, stupid, but I can’t help but feel how I feel, just like you can’t. But because I do want to give it a shot with you, I’m not denying my feelings for you either.”
“So… I can do couple things with you?” Chanyeol clarifies. “Like… hold your hand?”
Sehun brings up their intertwined hands, and Chanyeol looks at it, surprised. “Already ahead of you.”
~~
”Whose idea is this again?” Jongin grumbles as the four friends step onto the platform. When Sehun and Chanyeol collectively point at his girlfriend who ducks her head, Jongin doesn’t know whether to laugh or scream. “Seriously? I can’t tell what you were thinking at the time.”
“I was young,” Chaejin says as a reminder. “I was a high school student.”
“You stopped being a high school student only two months ago,” Sehun puts in, and Chaejin can’t help but shrug.
“It was a long time ago,” Chaejin repeats, as the instructors ensure that she and Jongin are wearing their harnesses. Chanyeol and Sehun had determined that Chaejin and Jongin should go first, since it’s the pair that has a lady in it and ladies first is a principle that they always follow.
“Scared?” Jongin asks her as they stand on the edge, ready to jump. He still can’t believe that he allowed his girlfriend to talk about doing something as stupid as bungee jumping, but he would rather do it with her than have her do it alone. The four friends had almost forgotten about the challenge of bungee jumping once they became couples, since there had been many things and places that they wanted to go or see before they did something this adventurous.
“Nah,” Chaejin replies as she slips her hand into his. “It’s just another excuse for me to hold your hand as I scream out your name.”
“That is disgusting,” Chanyeol intervenes and Sehun is making gagging sounds. Chaejin merely turns to wink at them before the couple gets ready to make their own jump. When they do, all Chanyeol and Sehun can hear are screams and bursts of laughter that neither can decipher as exciting or terrifying.
“What about you?” Sehun asks as the beautiful sounds of Park Chaejin cursing can be heard in the distance, “are you scared?”
“More like excited this time,” Chanyeol admits, offering his hand for the younger to take. “We’ve had a lot of stupid, reckless memories but this might be the best one.” Sehun hums in agreement as he leans towards his boyfriend, breathing in his scent.
“Well, I’m glad you haven’t gotten sick of me yet, college boy.”
Chanyeol laughs at the nickname which sounds half catchy, half threatening. “You’re one to talk. You’re on your final year of high school, who knows what you’ve got up your sleeves.”
Sehun really wants to shut him up with a kiss right now, and have nibble lightly on Chanyeol’s lips as a punishment for ever saying something like that. Judging from the teasing look in Chanyeol’s eyes, he knows what Sehun is thinking and what he wants right now, but Chanyeol only puts an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders.
“This is the most PDA I can give you,” Chanyeol says rather teasingly. Sehun groans into Chanyeol’s shoulder, just as Chaejin and Jongin have finished their jump. When it’s finally their turn, Chanyeol and Sehun’s eyes are tangled around each other’s like a complicated camper’s knot, and Chanyeol can’t help but laugh. He has never imagined that he would be bungee jumping with his boyfriend, Sehun, and he never thought that the primary emotion that he’s feeling as they’re about to jump in front of the world is excitement rather than fear.
“No, hyung,” Sehun says, as if he can look into Chanyeol’s thoughts, “please don’t tell me you’re making a pun in your head about falling in love and how exciting and terrifying it is.”
But he is, and hearing Sehun say it like that makes Chanyeol feel rather proud in his choice of boyfriend. He can remember those hard weeks in which he had isolated himself once he realised that he was beginning to fall, but he realises now that it was a jump that was worth it. As his grip on Sehun’s hand tightens, Chanyeol can’t help but smile at the look of fear on the younger’s face.
“I love you,” Chanyeol repeats, taking Sehun by surprise. That’s when they finally jump, and all thoughts of dying are replaced by the feelings of glee and excitement that they have somebody to spend these moments with.
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