Dejection
So it's been another month and a half. I have livejournal as my homepage and every day I've gotten just a little bit faster about clicking over to some other site, sometimes before the page even loads. My feelings have been glaring at me from that page, as if to say "hey, you might want to take a minute to tend to me, I'm important, you know"...but I never do, and they never ACTUALLY say anything so direct, so we just continue in this pathetic little way.
Why have I been so quick to turn the other way? Well, Doodles died. My sweet old Doodles, the last day I was in Virginia at the end of the summer, only a few days after my last update, when I mentioned the hematuria. Turns out she had cancer, and there was probably little that could have been done about it. I cried a lot, and had a lot of complicated emotions that night, and I needed to get them out. Instead I decided that I should take a whole entry to give a try at describing how wonderful she was, how important in my childhood, and everything I can remember about her, so I could hold on to and treasure those memories in the future. I guess I couldn't bring myself to do it then. I didn't want to corrupt it with my own personal and selfish thoughts, and I don't want to do so now. I still intend to write that memorium, although I'll have to wait to do it in another entry for the reasons just stated.
I don't really have much else to say at this point. I guess I'm one of those people who are bad at talking about themselves or their feelings. Go figure. Dear livejournal, I hope you can deal with that, love James.
Peace, I'm out.
Why have I been so quick to turn the other way? Well, Doodles died. My sweet old Doodles, the last day I was in Virginia at the end of the summer, only a few days after my last update, when I mentioned the hematuria. Turns out she had cancer, and there was probably little that could have been done about it. I cried a lot, and had a lot of complicated emotions that night, and I needed to get them out. Instead I decided that I should take a whole entry to give a try at describing how wonderful she was, how important in my childhood, and everything I can remember about her, so I could hold on to and treasure those memories in the future. I guess I couldn't bring myself to do it then. I didn't want to corrupt it with my own personal and selfish thoughts, and I don't want to do so now. I still intend to write that memorium, although I'll have to wait to do it in another entry for the reasons just stated.
I don't really have much else to say at this point. I guess I'm one of those people who are bad at talking about themselves or their feelings. Go figure. Dear livejournal, I hope you can deal with that, love James.
Peace, I'm out.