(no subject)
dear diary,
Remember how Doug Funnie always used to write in a journal? There was one episode when he lost his journal, and he had to write on all these other different things...like toilet paper. So he changed his opening greeting to things like, "dear piece of toilet paper," and things like that. Does anyone remember?
Anyway. Today was an alright day. I say this for the reason that my lacrosse game got cancelled and i got to just come home and relax for about a half an hour. I drove around alot today in the rain listening to cds i've made. I felt terrible earlier because someone was being pretty mean. We're all mean sometimes though, so what's the use in being offended?
I just wish things would go back to the way they were. I want to be with this person but i can't handle all these emotions. I cannot just get back together with someone because i've suddenly decided to give it another go. It's not fair to him. If we tried things again and things were still bad, i don't know how i could live with myself if i had to tear something away for the second time. It just wouldn't be right.
Regardless, he told me he didn't want to hang out with me when i called him but that he would call me back before six o clock. Well that didn't happen, and needless to say i feel slightly bad about it. Whatever, we all know how this story ends. I pick up the phone and dial his number, because any pride i may once have had was torn away long ago. I've swallowed it and shit it out a thousand times--yet nothing seems to come of it.
I don't care what they say, modesty, humbleness and flexibility will only leave you with a broken heart.
But i must say that despite myself and my almost eagerness to admit to myself and everyone around me that my friends are long gone and i am entirely alone, i have learned to love the idea of independence and self support.
All that i need are things i don't need.
Why should i allow people to bring out these negative sides of me? Then they are winning.
....Then again, i will probably let them. i've never been much of a competetor.
Remember how Doug Funnie always used to write in a journal? There was one episode when he lost his journal, and he had to write on all these other different things...like toilet paper. So he changed his opening greeting to things like, "dear piece of toilet paper," and things like that. Does anyone remember?
Anyway. Today was an alright day. I say this for the reason that my lacrosse game got cancelled and i got to just come home and relax for about a half an hour. I drove around alot today in the rain listening to cds i've made. I felt terrible earlier because someone was being pretty mean. We're all mean sometimes though, so what's the use in being offended?
I just wish things would go back to the way they were. I want to be with this person but i can't handle all these emotions. I cannot just get back together with someone because i've suddenly decided to give it another go. It's not fair to him. If we tried things again and things were still bad, i don't know how i could live with myself if i had to tear something away for the second time. It just wouldn't be right.
Regardless, he told me he didn't want to hang out with me when i called him but that he would call me back before six o clock. Well that didn't happen, and needless to say i feel slightly bad about it. Whatever, we all know how this story ends. I pick up the phone and dial his number, because any pride i may once have had was torn away long ago. I've swallowed it and shit it out a thousand times--yet nothing seems to come of it.
I don't care what they say, modesty, humbleness and flexibility will only leave you with a broken heart.
But i must say that despite myself and my almost eagerness to admit to myself and everyone around me that my friends are long gone and i am entirely alone, i have learned to love the idea of independence and self support.
All that i need are things i don't need.
Why should i allow people to bring out these negative sides of me? Then they are winning.
....Then again, i will probably let them. i've never been much of a competetor.