Fear & Loathing in the Training Room
I've just got back to my desk from a training session on Cross Cultural Awareness, during which our facilitator (a Punjabi-English guy) went on at length about the importance of understanding cultural difference, and how it was on the dominant culture to understand and adapt to the cultural norms of foreigners in our midst, because we have the power. Reasonable stuff so far, huh?
He then chose to illustrate this with an example of how his niece is in a gay relationship (which he claims to be personally accepting of), which the rest of the family basically ignores and never mentions even amongst themselves. The girlfriend can never be brought to family gatherings, and certainly will never be mentioned in public, because that would impact on the marriageability of other family members. The niece has to accept this because the needs of the family trump her personal needs. It's fine because it's cultural. You white English folks should be accepting and respectful.
He then went on to bring this same niece up about five more times over the course of the morning. At one point, I tried to challenge him about it, asking why she should have to bear the weight of the entire family's needs, and he pretty much just shrugged at me and said, that's how it is in families in my culture - as if that was all there could possibly be to say about it.
He appears to have no comprehension of the fact that culture can be arranged around things other than race and nationality. He has not even vaguely realized that by using this example to illustrate cultural differences and the need for dominant cultures to understand and adapt, he has directly contradicted his own point when viewed through the cultural lens of sexual identity. Where is the understanding and adaptation of his family's dominant heterosexual culture towards his gay niece? There isn't any. They've thrown her under the fucking bus in favour of guarding the interests of her straight cousins. Ostracism is not an acceptable response to minority sexualities, thank you very fucking much, you sexist, homophobic little shit, and I don't give a stuff what culture you're from. You dare stand there in front of me, a queer woman, talking about the bullying by your (straight) culture of someone of mine (queer), and promoting this bollocks as valid cultural difference? That I should be considerate and respectful of?
I am beyond ragey. There will be a snippy letter to Human Resources when I've calmed down enough to avoid swearing and capslock.
Grrrrrrrrr.
He then chose to illustrate this with an example of how his niece is in a gay relationship (which he claims to be personally accepting of), which the rest of the family basically ignores and never mentions even amongst themselves. The girlfriend can never be brought to family gatherings, and certainly will never be mentioned in public, because that would impact on the marriageability of other family members. The niece has to accept this because the needs of the family trump her personal needs. It's fine because it's cultural. You white English folks should be accepting and respectful.
He then went on to bring this same niece up about five more times over the course of the morning. At one point, I tried to challenge him about it, asking why she should have to bear the weight of the entire family's needs, and he pretty much just shrugged at me and said, that's how it is in families in my culture - as if that was all there could possibly be to say about it.
He appears to have no comprehension of the fact that culture can be arranged around things other than race and nationality. He has not even vaguely realized that by using this example to illustrate cultural differences and the need for dominant cultures to understand and adapt, he has directly contradicted his own point when viewed through the cultural lens of sexual identity. Where is the understanding and adaptation of his family's dominant heterosexual culture towards his gay niece? There isn't any. They've thrown her under the fucking bus in favour of guarding the interests of her straight cousins. Ostracism is not an acceptable response to minority sexualities, thank you very fucking much, you sexist, homophobic little shit, and I don't give a stuff what culture you're from. You dare stand there in front of me, a queer woman, talking about the bullying by your (straight) culture of someone of mine (queer), and promoting this bollocks as valid cultural difference? That I should be considerate and respectful of?
I am beyond ragey. There will be a snippy letter to Human Resources when I've calmed down enough to avoid swearing and capslock.
Grrrrrrrrr.