A kind of magic it is
Inspired by megamole's suggestion at my Doctor Who party back in June. Written the other day in a spare half hour...
*
Connor McCleod of the Clan McCleod shivered as he backed up against the cold, damp wall of the cave. He held his breath, perfectly silent. The soft footsteps drew nearer. Almost time to attack, to end all this.
But the footsteps began to fade again, padding away. Connor cursed the Other One in his mind. He had thought that finally he had become the One, after all those years of torment, of waiting. And then the Other One had appeared, an Immortal like him, ready to battle it out just like all the other Potential Ones had been. There can be only one, as they said. Connor was beginning to wonder if that was even true after all those sequels. But, yet again, he found himself in inhospitable places (this time a cave complex in some frozen wastelands), his knuckles white as he gripped his fine sword, waiting for his moment and a bit more Quickening.
Before Connor's thoughts could meander off down an inevitably existential road, he was disturbed by a tug at his sleeve. Looking down, his eyes widened as they lit upon a small green creature at his side. "Going the wrong way about it you are," it said, adding a sort of "Mmm Hmm" noise and a look of satisfaction.
Connor gaped for a moment before whispering, "Who the hell are you?!"
"Hmm, frustrated you are, and no wonder, McCleod Connor McCleod of the Clan."
"And how do you almost know my name?" Connor lowered his blade into a slightly threatening position.
The small green creature shook its head sadly. There was an almost comical pathos deep in its dark eyes. "Listen to me you must, for little time do you have. I am Master Yoda. No more than that do you need to know. Now listen will you?"
Connor was silent for a moment, listening for his prey, the Other One. There was no sound but the dripping of water, which was constant in the caves. The little light which crept in from the cave entrance illuminated nothing but damp walls and his new-found green friend. "Well hurry up then," he said to it. He had many questions to ask, such as why he should trust the little monster, but no time to ask them: he could not allow the Other One to escape him, or have time to plan a trap.
"Down sit," Yoda said, and when Connor growled irritably he sighed. "Impatient you are. Always impatient are my students. Retire I will, when with you I have finished."
Connor sat down, cross-legged on the cold floor. "Well?"
"Only one can there be," Yoda continued. "If you want to be the Only One, then the Other One must you kill."
"I know that!" Connor hissed, but Yoda raised a hand.
"Wait, there is more. What a midichlorian is, do you know?"
"A what?" Connor frowned, and toyed with the idea of running through the little green menace and going after his prey. But his heart was telling him that he should listen, just as it had all those years ago with that Spanish dandy.
"Midichlorians are inside everything. All of nature they are. Inside you and me, and everything else. But the Ones, a high proportion of midichlorians they have. If to be the Only One you want, absorb the Other One's midichlorians you must."
Connor gaped at him with a look of utter disbelief. "What are you talking about, little man? I should have known you were mad." He made to get up, but promptly squealed as Yoda rapped him on the knee with his walking stick. "Ow!"
"Heed my word you do not have to. But fail you will." Yoda's eyes were deadly serious.
"Oh? And why are you telling me this, and not the Other One?"
"Good you are, Connor. Abuse the privileges of becoming the Only One you will not."
Connor sighed. "Alright. You might as well tell me how to absorb the Other One's mini chlorines, or whatever they're called."
Yoda gave a satisfied smile. "Eat his brain you must."
***
He was not happy about it, but Connor soon found himself stalking his prey and carryign Yoda piggy-back. The Other One was a tall man with spiky blond hair and hugs biceps. His sword was a massive two-handled kris blade, the sort Connor could not imagine anyone had actually manufactured during history - some Ones seemed to get their weapons from fantasy sites on the Internet.
"On go!" Yoda hissed in his ear.
Connor jumped down in front of the Other One, making sure that the landing was as uncomfortable for Yoda as he could make it. Wise he might be, but like him he didn't have to. "Aha!" Connor cried, drawing his polished blade and cornering his opponent. He winced when he thought how swashbuckley it sounded.
"Ah," the Other One said, drawing his own sword with a surprising lack of difficulty. His voice was gruff and villainous. That was always the best way of telling the bad Ones apart from the good Ones. "Connor McCleod of the Clan McCleod. Prepare to meet your fate."
Before long, their swords were engaged as they embarked on an epic battle for the Prize. But it turned out not to be quite so epic as they thought it would: the Other One slipped in a puddle and landed on his face. "Wait!" he cried bubblingly as Connor put his foot on the back of his head and pushed him further into the puddle. "It can't end like this! Think of the cinematography!"
Connor raised an eyebrow and lowered his sword. "Sorry, Other One. Time to die."
"Wait!" Yoda cried suddenly.
"What?" Connor shouted.
"Right he is, more epic must this battle be!"
"Shut up, you little green sadist," Connor hissed, holding his sword over the Other One's neck, ready to strike.
"Wait! Yoda cried again. "Careful must you be. In exactly the right place must you catch his head, so that die he does not. His brains must you eat before fully severed is his head. Or the same old problem will you have."
Connor grimaced and grasped the Other One's hair, making him yelp like a girl. "You're eating my brains?"
"Yes," Connor said. "Apparently, that's the answer we've all been looking for. Now shut up and die." Connor pulled his head back at an uncomfortable angle and began to saw through the back of his skull. He was soon rewarded by the sight of glooping grey matter oozing out. The Other One's body went limp as he fainted.
"Good!" Yoda said in a tone so upbeat you would imagine he would rub his hands together if he were not holding onto Connor's back. "Eat them you must!"
Again Connor grimaced. "Are you sure?"
"It do!" Yoda growled impatiently.
Wincing and wanting desperately to be sick, Connor laid down his sword and scooped the brains up into his hands. He ate them as fast as he could and gulped. "Can I cut off his head now?" he said hoarsely.
"Now can you do it," Yoda said with an air of wisdom. And Connor finished off the job. The Quickening happened, with all its whooshing splendour, as it always did. And then, for the first time, Connor felt what it was to have true mortality flood into him.
***
Connor and Yoda did not speak for a while, but when the time came for Connor to turn homewards, his looked at his little green friend with a mixture of thanks and dismay. "I think it worked," he said simply.
"Mmm Hmm," Yoda nodded. "Only One can there be, and the Only One you now are. Well done. A fine Jedi would you make."
"A fine what?"
"Never mind. That it is over is what matters." Yoda smiled.
Connor found himself smiling back. "Thank you," he said. "Though I don't know how you knew what to do."
Yoda's eyes twinkled. "A kind of magic it is."
*
Connor McCleod of the Clan McCleod shivered as he backed up against the cold, damp wall of the cave. He held his breath, perfectly silent. The soft footsteps drew nearer. Almost time to attack, to end all this.
But the footsteps began to fade again, padding away. Connor cursed the Other One in his mind. He had thought that finally he had become the One, after all those years of torment, of waiting. And then the Other One had appeared, an Immortal like him, ready to battle it out just like all the other Potential Ones had been. There can be only one, as they said. Connor was beginning to wonder if that was even true after all those sequels. But, yet again, he found himself in inhospitable places (this time a cave complex in some frozen wastelands), his knuckles white as he gripped his fine sword, waiting for his moment and a bit more Quickening.
Before Connor's thoughts could meander off down an inevitably existential road, he was disturbed by a tug at his sleeve. Looking down, his eyes widened as they lit upon a small green creature at his side. "Going the wrong way about it you are," it said, adding a sort of "Mmm Hmm" noise and a look of satisfaction.
Connor gaped for a moment before whispering, "Who the hell are you?!"
"Hmm, frustrated you are, and no wonder, McCleod Connor McCleod of the Clan."
"And how do you almost know my name?" Connor lowered his blade into a slightly threatening position.
The small green creature shook its head sadly. There was an almost comical pathos deep in its dark eyes. "Listen to me you must, for little time do you have. I am Master Yoda. No more than that do you need to know. Now listen will you?"
Connor was silent for a moment, listening for his prey, the Other One. There was no sound but the dripping of water, which was constant in the caves. The little light which crept in from the cave entrance illuminated nothing but damp walls and his new-found green friend. "Well hurry up then," he said to it. He had many questions to ask, such as why he should trust the little monster, but no time to ask them: he could not allow the Other One to escape him, or have time to plan a trap.
"Down sit," Yoda said, and when Connor growled irritably he sighed. "Impatient you are. Always impatient are my students. Retire I will, when with you I have finished."
Connor sat down, cross-legged on the cold floor. "Well?"
"Only one can there be," Yoda continued. "If you want to be the Only One, then the Other One must you kill."
"I know that!" Connor hissed, but Yoda raised a hand.
"Wait, there is more. What a midichlorian is, do you know?"
"A what?" Connor frowned, and toyed with the idea of running through the little green menace and going after his prey. But his heart was telling him that he should listen, just as it had all those years ago with that Spanish dandy.
"Midichlorians are inside everything. All of nature they are. Inside you and me, and everything else. But the Ones, a high proportion of midichlorians they have. If to be the Only One you want, absorb the Other One's midichlorians you must."
Connor gaped at him with a look of utter disbelief. "What are you talking about, little man? I should have known you were mad." He made to get up, but promptly squealed as Yoda rapped him on the knee with his walking stick. "Ow!"
"Heed my word you do not have to. But fail you will." Yoda's eyes were deadly serious.
"Oh? And why are you telling me this, and not the Other One?"
"Good you are, Connor. Abuse the privileges of becoming the Only One you will not."
Connor sighed. "Alright. You might as well tell me how to absorb the Other One's mini chlorines, or whatever they're called."
Yoda gave a satisfied smile. "Eat his brain you must."
***
He was not happy about it, but Connor soon found himself stalking his prey and carryign Yoda piggy-back. The Other One was a tall man with spiky blond hair and hugs biceps. His sword was a massive two-handled kris blade, the sort Connor could not imagine anyone had actually manufactured during history - some Ones seemed to get their weapons from fantasy sites on the Internet.
"On go!" Yoda hissed in his ear.
Connor jumped down in front of the Other One, making sure that the landing was as uncomfortable for Yoda as he could make it. Wise he might be, but like him he didn't have to. "Aha!" Connor cried, drawing his polished blade and cornering his opponent. He winced when he thought how swashbuckley it sounded.
"Ah," the Other One said, drawing his own sword with a surprising lack of difficulty. His voice was gruff and villainous. That was always the best way of telling the bad Ones apart from the good Ones. "Connor McCleod of the Clan McCleod. Prepare to meet your fate."
Before long, their swords were engaged as they embarked on an epic battle for the Prize. But it turned out not to be quite so epic as they thought it would: the Other One slipped in a puddle and landed on his face. "Wait!" he cried bubblingly as Connor put his foot on the back of his head and pushed him further into the puddle. "It can't end like this! Think of the cinematography!"
Connor raised an eyebrow and lowered his sword. "Sorry, Other One. Time to die."
"Wait!" Yoda cried suddenly.
"What?" Connor shouted.
"Right he is, more epic must this battle be!"
"Shut up, you little green sadist," Connor hissed, holding his sword over the Other One's neck, ready to strike.
"Wait! Yoda cried again. "Careful must you be. In exactly the right place must you catch his head, so that die he does not. His brains must you eat before fully severed is his head. Or the same old problem will you have."
Connor grimaced and grasped the Other One's hair, making him yelp like a girl. "You're eating my brains?"
"Yes," Connor said. "Apparently, that's the answer we've all been looking for. Now shut up and die." Connor pulled his head back at an uncomfortable angle and began to saw through the back of his skull. He was soon rewarded by the sight of glooping grey matter oozing out. The Other One's body went limp as he fainted.
"Good!" Yoda said in a tone so upbeat you would imagine he would rub his hands together if he were not holding onto Connor's back. "Eat them you must!"
Again Connor grimaced. "Are you sure?"
"It do!" Yoda growled impatiently.
Wincing and wanting desperately to be sick, Connor laid down his sword and scooped the brains up into his hands. He ate them as fast as he could and gulped. "Can I cut off his head now?" he said hoarsely.
"Now can you do it," Yoda said with an air of wisdom. And Connor finished off the job. The Quickening happened, with all its whooshing splendour, as it always did. And then, for the first time, Connor felt what it was to have true mortality flood into him.
***
Connor and Yoda did not speak for a while, but when the time came for Connor to turn homewards, his looked at his little green friend with a mixture of thanks and dismay. "I think it worked," he said simply.
"Mmm Hmm," Yoda nodded. "Only One can there be, and the Only One you now are. Well done. A fine Jedi would you make."
"A fine what?"
"Never mind. That it is over is what matters." Yoda smiled.
Connor found himself smiling back. "Thank you," he said. "Though I don't know how you knew what to do."
Yoda's eyes twinkled. "A kind of magic it is."