(no subject)
First attempt. First Part.
Serena van der Woodsen was not an
insecure person. She could be a flaky person, a selfish person, and
even on occasion, a manipulative person, but Serena was not an
insecure person. Why should she be? She was beautiful, charismatic,
and fabulously wealthy. She had friends who supported her, a family
that loved her, and fans who adored her. She was very aware she lived
a life that most could only dare to dream of, but she tried, though
rarely succeeded, to not let herself be defined by her social status
as the Upper East Side's “golden it girl.” She knew she could
whatever she wanted in life, well almost anything, but she almost
destroyed the happiness of the two most important people in her life
because she felt that their their mutual affection meant she was no
longer needed in their lives. She was afraid that she would become
irrelevant, and that was not a feeling that Serena van der Woodsen
was use to.
Serena knew her relationship with Dan
would never be what it once was. Daniel Humphrey had came into her
life and changed things for her. He helped show her what it was to be
liked for who you are and not who you know. He helped her realize
that she was a lot more than just a dazzling smile and golden hair.
She had loved him as much as she knew how, and at one point they were
happy, so very happy. Of course, everything wasn't perfect; they,
like everyone, had their issues. She had bad habit of concealing the
truth from him and he was known to be a little self-righteous. She
lied because he judged, he judged because he lied. They would
continue trying to make their relationship work, but they found
themselves falling into the same pattern of destruction over and
over. Eventually, the final blow was struck. The marriage of her
mother to his father and the discovery of a long lost lovechild.
Unrealistic expectations and shadowy pasts could be worked on and
forgotten, but a shared sibling was hard to overcome.
Still, they tried to make whatever it
was between them, work, but while Dan began to mature and let his
judgements fall to the side, Serena had a harder time being to focus
all her attention on him for an extended period of time. She didn't
mean to be cruel, but she was a person of was a person of joy and
desire, so she tended to live her life for whatever was giving her
the most joy at a time. She didn't know when she began treating Dan
less as her first love and more as her security blanket, and there
was never malice in her actions, but, as she later learned, she did
inflict pain. Every time she used him as a safety net, their bond
became a little weaker, a little more frayed, and a little less
secure. Even when she discovered that all his attention was no longer
be focused on her, she worried little. Serena trusted that Dan would
always see her as his golden icon, his dream girl, his muse, but by
time she decided to give their relationship all of her effort and
concentration, she discovered that he had a new muse.
He had had other girlfriends in the
past, and Serena had not cared. He had claimed to be in love with
another girl, but Serena had not worried. The first time Serena ever
began to question his undying devotion to her, was when she
discovered he had been keeping his new friendship a secret from her.
If they were only friends, then why the need for lies? He claimed
embarrassment of the connection and once again, declared that it was
only a friendship. Under normal circumstances, Serena would haven
taken his word and gone back to her blissful entitlement of his love,
but this time felt different to her. She was never the most observant
person, but this time, she felt like something big had happened, and
she still unaware of it. A change had occurred in Dan, and yet, she
couldn't quite place it, but she grew tired of trying to unravel his
mystery, and she ignored it. When she looks back at those moments,
she is annoyed with herself for not seeing and understanding what was
standing right in front her. Maybe, if she had paid more attention,
and cared just a little more, than she would have seen it, and
possibly even have stopped it. Though in her deepest heart, she knows
she couldn't have stopped it because while she was off playing in
other gardens, Dan had began writing a new story, and she was no
longer the star. When Serena looks back at that night, she realizes
that she should have known what was to come. After all, Dan Humphrey
and Blair Waldorf kissing is not just another ordinary day.