DC/Marvel crack
Title: Blind Dates, or How Shiva plans to Restore her Honor
Characters: Lady Shiva, Oliver Queen, Bruce Wayne, Dinah Lance, Diana Prince, Wade Wilson, Elektra Natchios and Slade Wilson mentioned
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1053
Warning: Crack!
Disclaimer: DC and Marvel own.
AN: for dcu_freeforall prompt #22- restore. Inspired by dragonbat2006 from the April Fools’ Meme
Ollie blinked a couple of times. He had the urge to rub his eyes so he could see clearly, but he resisted. He looked away and back to where she stood. Nope, he had not imagined her. And yup, karma was getting him back for one of the many, many things he had done wrong in the past.
If Shiva was surprised, she didn’t look it. She only seemed to be vaguely amused.
“Does your little bird know you're here?”
Ollie shook the hand she offered, “This is a blind date. If I was still dating Dinah, which I'm not, and she knew I was here, with you of all people, she wouldn't be very happy.”
Shiva took a flute of champagne from the passing waiter. She had no interest in drinking, but if she didn’t play the part, security might notice.
“First of all, this is not a blind date-”
“But-”
She held up her right hand to silence him, "Allow me to finish."
Ollie nodded, though he still wanted to argue.
“This is not a blind date because I do not lower myself to the practice. I am, however, repaying a favor to a friend, who apparently has other friends who can't get their own dates.”
Ollie rolled his eyes, “O-kay.”
Watching almost the entire room deeply engaged with their partner, he felt he should be too. He turned towards his date. She was attractive…he had never paid enough attention. Suddenly, he felt like he was back in grade school, not quite sure how to ask Sidney Gardner, his first girlfriend, to dance. He caught sight of Bruce dancing with Elektra. Figured. That damn Bat had all the luck. And there was Dinah dancing with Slade?!
Screw it! He was Oliver Queen, damn it! He wasn’t going to let them have all the fun.
“Shiva, would you like to dance?”
“No. But I will.”
Ollie would take whatever he could get at the moment and led her to the dance floor.
After she stopped trying to take the lead, Ollie actually enjoyed dancing with her. She moved with such ease. With such grace. Being an assassin obviously had its light-footed perks. It was when he spun Shiva the second time that he first noticed Diana's date.
The man was wearing a red-and-black mask covering his entire face, but no one seemed bothered by it. He maneuvered Shiva closer to Diana until they were dancing alongside her and her masked partner.
Diana smiled at him, "Mr. Queen, how are you this evening?"
“Ms. Prince. I’m doing well,” Ollie returned the smile and - to keep up appearances - stopped dancing to make a formal introduction, “Allow me to present my date-”
“Let me guess, Ms. King?" Diana's date interrupted pointing at Shiva, “And that must make me, Mr. Princess.”
Ollie narrowed his eyes, “I'm sorry.”
"Sorry Queen,” Diana’s date shook his head sadly, “You're parents must have not of liked you very much.”
“Listen, buddy-”
Diana placed her hand gently on Ollie’s arm, “Oliver Queen this is Wade Wilson. Mr. Wilson, this is my good friend, Mr-”
A small explosion shook the building.
“Hera!”
The lights went out.
Someone screamed and then it was over.
…
“We failed.”
“No, we didn’t,” Ollie argued. How could Batman call this a failure?
“He’s right, Bruce,” Clark said, “The Prime Minister is still alive. Plus, we rounded up every assassin that was at the event. Well, all except your dates.”
Batman shook his head, “Had J’onn not been there posing as the Prime Minister…”
“But he was,” Dinah smiled encouragingly, “You were right and no one was injured.”
Ollie saw his opportunity and tried to sneak out.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Batman asked, stopping Ollie in his tracks.
“I have to…use the bathroom?”
“Not before debriefing, you don’t.”
“What if I a call have to make?”
Batman raised an eyebrow, as did every other League member.
Dinah crossed her arms over her chest, “Ollie?”
“Look, don’t get mad Pretty Bird-”
“Why would I get mad at you?” Dinah asked, her voice escalating with each word.
Ollie grabbed her hand and led her out of the conference room. How was he going to explain this? Dinah was understanding, but this would be pushing it. He took a deep breath and blurted it out.
“I have to call Shiva.”
Dinah narrowed her eyes, “What? Why?”
Ollie took another breath to stall. He had lied to Shiva about not being with Dinah anymore and that bit of information had come back to haunt him. He should have just said he was cheating on her…
“She says I owe her dinner.”
“Oh, does she?” Dinah was ready to scream, but then she thought of something much more satisfying, “You know what? You should go finish your date with Shiva.”
“Really? You’re okay with this?” Ollie was relieved. He really didn’t want to go out with anyone else besides Dinah, especially not Shiva, but he didn’t want the deadly assassin to retaliate and do something horrible, like go after Dinah.
“Yeah,” Dinah began to walk away, “But I’m going to go finish my date, too. And just so you know, Slade and I had dinner, so we’ll be going straight for dessert.”
“No, no, wait! Wait!” Ollie stopped Dinah, “I think I have a better idea. Do you think Bruce still has Elektra’s number?”
…
This was the worst date ever! Wade was going to find that damn Sorry Queen and he was going to kill him until he died from it. This Shiva was so BO-RING. He had to get out of there before he took out the whole restaurant.
“So, I have to g-”
“No!” Shiva slammed her fist on the table, “You will not speak again!”
“Aw, why not?”
Shiva ignored him, then mumbled, “I will kill Elektra for this!”
“Natchios?”
Shiva narrowed her eyes in suspicion, but nodded once.
Wade jumped up, “We could kill her together! It’ll be fun! Better than - let’s be honest - this.”
Shiva followed him out, but only because after they were done with Elektra, she was going to kill Wade, too. And probably Queen as well. Maybe even Dinah…
One thing she knew for certain, she would never go on another blind date again.