Here's What Today Was Like
I was depressed today. Nothing happened today that made me depressed, I'm just processing stuff that's been happening lately and being depressed isn't exactly an unusual state for me. Normally I don't write about depression online because I don't like making permanent records of my emotional turmoil. But I want to talk about something that I realized as I was being depressed.
Because I was depressed, I didn't feel like doing anything. I've got tons of stuff I need to do, and tons more stuff I want to do (or, you know, stuff I want to have done), but I didn't feel like doing any of it. I didn't want to do anything. But there were 5 things that had to be done by the end of today.
Only...
I realized that I didn't have to do all those things today. I didn't have to do any of those things today. A couple would need to be done tomorrow at the latest, but the idea that I had to get them done today? That came from me. Nobody else would be disappointed if I didn't get them done. It was an arbitrary deadline, and since I was the one who had set it, I could feel free to change it.
Suddenly it was okay to just lie around being depressed for a while. I didn't have to add feelings of stress and guilt on top of what I was already feeling, because there was no external source. All I had to do was decide that it was okay to get things done later than I'd initially planned, and a load was taken off my shoulders.
This probably sounds awful to people who are aware of my issues with procrastination, but healthy time management requires more than just getting things done early, it also involves not driving yourself crazy with strict rules that cause more anxiety than they help to prevent.
Because I was depressed, I didn't feel like doing anything. I've got tons of stuff I need to do, and tons more stuff I want to do (or, you know, stuff I want to have done), but I didn't feel like doing any of it. I didn't want to do anything. But there were 5 things that had to be done by the end of today.
Only...
I realized that I didn't have to do all those things today. I didn't have to do any of those things today. A couple would need to be done tomorrow at the latest, but the idea that I had to get them done today? That came from me. Nobody else would be disappointed if I didn't get them done. It was an arbitrary deadline, and since I was the one who had set it, I could feel free to change it.
Suddenly it was okay to just lie around being depressed for a while. I didn't have to add feelings of stress and guilt on top of what I was already feeling, because there was no external source. All I had to do was decide that it was okay to get things done later than I'd initially planned, and a load was taken off my shoulders.
This probably sounds awful to people who are aware of my issues with procrastination, but healthy time management requires more than just getting things done early, it also involves not driving yourself crazy with strict rules that cause more anxiety than they help to prevent.