On why I am a failure, part the 37th
I'm confused about what to do about my weekend job. It is, for the moment, three classes of kids' reading/phonics, two on Saturday and one on Sunday, totaling six hours a week. I want to quit so badly, for the following reasons:
- I suck at teaching kids, and I don't enjoy it. Kids don't want to sit around reading boring English books on their weekends. It's hard to form a rapport with kids who either can't understand what you're saying to them (the younger kids), or just resent you for taking away their Yu-Gi-Oh cards during class time (older kids).
- I don't want to sit around forcing elementary school students to read boring English books on my weekend. It's only six hours of work, but it eats up both days pretty effectively, with the commute and the long break between classes on Saturday. I'd like to go away for the weekend occasionally. When am I going to be in Thailand again? I haven't even been to see Ayutthaya or Sukothai, or the bridge on the River Kwai. I want to go to the beach. Weekend school didn't even close for the recent four-day weekend (though the school director was off the whole time, of course). I could have gone scuba diving with those 4 days.
- I'm tired. Teaching does not come naturally to me. It's draining, and I would like a couple of days to hide in my apartment, enjoying not standing up in front of people or raising my voice to be heard. I'd like to sleep in once in a while. I'm so sick of the sound of my alarm. I'm slacking and falling terribly behind on lesson planning and marking for my weekday job at the high school, because I resent having to come home from weekend job and proceed immediately back to work in marking or planning.
So maybe I'm kind of lazy, but so what? I don't need the weekend job (though I did during the summer break, when the kids classes and the one-time 30 hour corporate class kept me from starving). With all of this in mind I tried to quit a few weeks ago, and... my boss wouldn't let me. Huh? I'm not on contract (I'm employed illegally, in fact, since my work permit is only valid for the high school). It's not like I'm a fantastic teacher, or that I'm irreplaceable. I know my boss gets tons of resumes (some of them even from other young white girls). But she was all, "You can't leave until you finish out the courses that you started." Two of them have 10 weeks left, which would mean me working there until well into October. I was kind of startled by her response (and lousy at confrontation at the best of times), so I was kind of like, "Uh... okay." But who is she to tell me I can't quit? That's absurd. Hell, when I first started there, I took over for another teacher who had quit in the middle of a course. It's not like this is unprecedented.
I figure I have three options (not including "Just don't show up", the advice given to me by nearly everyone in Thailand that I've talked to, including my boss at the high school). First, I can suck it up and work until October (this would mean that I couldn't go away -- like, back to Vancouver -- during the high school's semester break in early October). Second, I can send her an email tonight that basically says, "I'm not coming back", giving her five days to find a replacement for me. Third, I can send that same email but next Sunday, since the weekend after that the school will be closed for a holiday, so she would have almost two weeks to find a replacement for me.
Knowing me, I'll probably suck it up and be miserable until October.
Speaking of October, I'm seriously considering bailing on my contract at the semester break and fleeing back to the cocoon of Vancouver, a miserable failure even at the notoriously slacky profession of TEFL teaching in Thailand. I just can't hack it. Line cooking is much less stressful.
- I suck at teaching kids, and I don't enjoy it. Kids don't want to sit around reading boring English books on their weekends. It's hard to form a rapport with kids who either can't understand what you're saying to them (the younger kids), or just resent you for taking away their Yu-Gi-Oh cards during class time (older kids).
- I don't want to sit around forcing elementary school students to read boring English books on my weekend. It's only six hours of work, but it eats up both days pretty effectively, with the commute and the long break between classes on Saturday. I'd like to go away for the weekend occasionally. When am I going to be in Thailand again? I haven't even been to see Ayutthaya or Sukothai, or the bridge on the River Kwai. I want to go to the beach. Weekend school didn't even close for the recent four-day weekend (though the school director was off the whole time, of course). I could have gone scuba diving with those 4 days.
- I'm tired. Teaching does not come naturally to me. It's draining, and I would like a couple of days to hide in my apartment, enjoying not standing up in front of people or raising my voice to be heard. I'd like to sleep in once in a while. I'm so sick of the sound of my alarm. I'm slacking and falling terribly behind on lesson planning and marking for my weekday job at the high school, because I resent having to come home from weekend job and proceed immediately back to work in marking or planning.
So maybe I'm kind of lazy, but so what? I don't need the weekend job (though I did during the summer break, when the kids classes and the one-time 30 hour corporate class kept me from starving). With all of this in mind I tried to quit a few weeks ago, and... my boss wouldn't let me. Huh? I'm not on contract (I'm employed illegally, in fact, since my work permit is only valid for the high school). It's not like I'm a fantastic teacher, or that I'm irreplaceable. I know my boss gets tons of resumes (some of them even from other young white girls). But she was all, "You can't leave until you finish out the courses that you started." Two of them have 10 weeks left, which would mean me working there until well into October. I was kind of startled by her response (and lousy at confrontation at the best of times), so I was kind of like, "Uh... okay." But who is she to tell me I can't quit? That's absurd. Hell, when I first started there, I took over for another teacher who had quit in the middle of a course. It's not like this is unprecedented.
I figure I have three options (not including "Just don't show up", the advice given to me by nearly everyone in Thailand that I've talked to, including my boss at the high school). First, I can suck it up and work until October (this would mean that I couldn't go away -- like, back to Vancouver -- during the high school's semester break in early October). Second, I can send her an email tonight that basically says, "I'm not coming back", giving her five days to find a replacement for me. Third, I can send that same email but next Sunday, since the weekend after that the school will be closed for a holiday, so she would have almost two weeks to find a replacement for me.
Knowing me, I'll probably suck it up and be miserable until October.
Speaking of October, I'm seriously considering bailing on my contract at the semester break and fleeing back to the cocoon of Vancouver, a miserable failure even at the notoriously slacky profession of TEFL teaching in Thailand. I just can't hack it. Line cooking is much less stressful.