um, so hey.
This is my brief update for the day... I'll have a longer one later on tonight probably...
Yeah. I got a present in the mail today. That said I have an F in math and a D in English. The math grade is because i still haven't made up that quiz and test from when i was absent... and English...well, i didn't do the makeup work on time. It's my own fault.
Ugh
I just don't even want to talk about it. My mom is in hysterics. I had to go out and get some stuff for my psych project and had to drive home in traffic from la jolla while feeling like i was going to vomit the entire time [i guess it was something i ate??] and then when i got home, she asked what was wrong and I told her "I feel terrible" and she said "yeah, well you SHOULD." and commenced yelling at me, even though we were both talking about completely different things.
This is the first time since I can remember where I just don't feel loved. At all. And it's scary and I just feel awful. That grades [inaccurate ones at that] are a higher priority than LOVE. It sickens me. And she told me I'm about two seconds away from losing my Europe trip. Like I fucking CARE. Fine. Take it away. I don't NEED to go to Europe. What i NEED is familial LOVE, god damn it. I can live WITHOUT Europe. I've been. I've seen it. It's nice. And so is San Diego. Since when have material things EVER been a threat to me? I'm consistently being grounded from the phone or computer... big fucking DEAL. I can't believe they havene't noticed yet that it doesn't DO anything to me. that i just don't CARE. as long as I have ways of communicating with my loved ones [and I always do, no matter what they take away], I don't need ANYthing. I don't need fucking privileges. I'm just fine, knowing that the ones that I love, love me back.
Which is why it's a terrible feeling when I don't feel loved by the one I never expected to turn her back on me.
Words cannot describe. But um, hi. Leave me comments. Because if you call, I won't answer.
Yeah. I got a present in the mail today. That said I have an F in math and a D in English. The math grade is because i still haven't made up that quiz and test from when i was absent... and English...well, i didn't do the makeup work on time. It's my own fault.
Ugh
I just don't even want to talk about it. My mom is in hysterics. I had to go out and get some stuff for my psych project and had to drive home in traffic from la jolla while feeling like i was going to vomit the entire time [i guess it was something i ate??] and then when i got home, she asked what was wrong and I told her "I feel terrible" and she said "yeah, well you SHOULD." and commenced yelling at me, even though we were both talking about completely different things.
This is the first time since I can remember where I just don't feel loved. At all. And it's scary and I just feel awful. That grades [inaccurate ones at that] are a higher priority than LOVE. It sickens me. And she told me I'm about two seconds away from losing my Europe trip. Like I fucking CARE. Fine. Take it away. I don't NEED to go to Europe. What i NEED is familial LOVE, god damn it. I can live WITHOUT Europe. I've been. I've seen it. It's nice. And so is San Diego. Since when have material things EVER been a threat to me? I'm consistently being grounded from the phone or computer... big fucking DEAL. I can't believe they havene't noticed yet that it doesn't DO anything to me. that i just don't CARE. as long as I have ways of communicating with my loved ones [and I always do, no matter what they take away], I don't need ANYthing. I don't need fucking privileges. I'm just fine, knowing that the ones that I love, love me back.
Which is why it's a terrible feeling when I don't feel loved by the one I never expected to turn her back on me.
Words cannot describe. But um, hi. Leave me comments. Because if you call, I won't answer.