The 9 Virtues - Hospitality
I'll begin by posting my essays for the 9 core Virtues held by ADF. This is my first.
In my younger days, when I moved out of my parents' house, I asked several friends to give me a hand. Fortunately, they answered the call. So they lent me their time and muscles to help me move into my new place. Traditionally, when such events are finished, the person making the move offers refreshments and food to the weary helpers. Yet I had no such things to offer my friends. Never entered my mind, I'm sorry to admit. And I heard about it. From my brother, from my parents (who, fortunately for my friends, stepped up and fed everyone). They made it clear to me that that is no way to treat those who make your life easier. That has stuck with me ever since. I always try to make sure I have something on hand for guests (and not just those who perform heavy labor on my behalf!). I'm not perfect, of course. Sometimes I forget. But I think it's so critical to take those actions to create and strengthen the “ties that bind”.
What I'm finding now is that this lesson is so easy to remember with new friends and acquaintances, and yet so easy to forget with those we hold most dear. It's easy to take for granted our grovemates, our parents, our siblings, even our spouses (maybe even especially our spouses). Of course, we must extend hospitality to them as well, and we must not forget it. Hospitality is not a “set it and forget it” type thing. It must continually be fed, strengthened, and renewed.
Of course, hospitality isn't just the responsibility of the host. Guests also have a role to play. When we enter another's home (or grove), we're not entering a restaurant. Restaurant staff is paid to take care of customers. Hosts take care of their visitors because it's the right thing to do. Guests should accept the hospitality while keeping in mind that it is being freely offered. Guests should return the hospitality by, for example, helping to clean up after a meal. Or by not leaving wrappers or used napkins lying around. Or using coasters! We are guests, not crashers. By returning the hospitality offered to us, we're doing our part to strengthen the ties.
In my younger days, when I moved out of my parents' house, I asked several friends to give me a hand. Fortunately, they answered the call. So they lent me their time and muscles to help me move into my new place. Traditionally, when such events are finished, the person making the move offers refreshments and food to the weary helpers. Yet I had no such things to offer my friends. Never entered my mind, I'm sorry to admit. And I heard about it. From my brother, from my parents (who, fortunately for my friends, stepped up and fed everyone). They made it clear to me that that is no way to treat those who make your life easier. That has stuck with me ever since. I always try to make sure I have something on hand for guests (and not just those who perform heavy labor on my behalf!). I'm not perfect, of course. Sometimes I forget. But I think it's so critical to take those actions to create and strengthen the “ties that bind”.
What I'm finding now is that this lesson is so easy to remember with new friends and acquaintances, and yet so easy to forget with those we hold most dear. It's easy to take for granted our grovemates, our parents, our siblings, even our spouses (maybe even especially our spouses). Of course, we must extend hospitality to them as well, and we must not forget it. Hospitality is not a “set it and forget it” type thing. It must continually be fed, strengthened, and renewed.
Of course, hospitality isn't just the responsibility of the host. Guests also have a role to play. When we enter another's home (or grove), we're not entering a restaurant. Restaurant staff is paid to take care of customers. Hosts take care of their visitors because it's the right thing to do. Guests should accept the hospitality while keeping in mind that it is being freely offered. Guests should return the hospitality by, for example, helping to clean up after a meal. Or by not leaving wrappers or used napkins lying around. Or using coasters! We are guests, not crashers. By returning the hospitality offered to us, we're doing our part to strengthen the ties.