(no subject)
So for now this is me only just cause its so personally about me and my feelings and if some one from them came and read this it might change outcomes, if worst comes to worst maybe I'll just delete this post.
So to start its been awhile since ive had any one to really talk to, theres a lot in my life often enough but friend wise I don't really trust people normally I just hate how a lot of people think or who they are in some ways so I often find myself holding my tongue rather then speaking my mind. I used to have a best friend but she moved, I suppose her fully in doing so simply because she is with her husband and trully happy now, I mean sure I feel a little betrayed simply cause I no long have her to talk to or hang out with really but I wouldn't change those facts even if it cost me my life, I've always believe in the people closest to me, their happiness comes before anything else.
Love life why are you so complicated? I mean really?! I go from being alone with no prospects at all, to two, kind of three, prospects just to keep things complicated. So first off theres Bridget, I'll start with her cause she was the first one that entered my life, she's also the most complicated. I knew her probably 6-8 years ago, we were kinda close but one day stuff happened and she basically took down all lines of communication between us. Heck I liked her back then and it hurt but it happens thats part of my past. Presently we started talking again after so long, she doesn't remember to much about us from back then probably a lot less then I do but we get along quite nicely still. Last two weeks we haven't really talked much if at all but she's been sick so I don't blame her but we were just getting close again and it seriously makes me think about it more. She lives quite far away, and inf act I probably never will meet her in person. She has a hard life and I really want to be there for her although she has trouble trusting any one let alone me. She also has cancer so im not sure about that, how long will she live and how serious ive actually not felt comfotable enough to ask her. I really care about her I guess I am just afraid the same things like last time and she won't speak to me again. So its like hmm just so many thoughts and lately I just wish I could help her..
So next is this girl I met purely concidentaly, to make this make more sense I shall explain. Fairly often I was getting into the habit of looking on craigslist for friends, or more and posting/replying. I don't usually find any one that interesting or if I do they never respond so no big loss. But then I found this one girl that is just amazing everything so far amazes me. She's smart, beautiful, and just wow. I was actually suppose to meet her today in person for the first time but her work called her in so thats a no go, she has tomorow off but I'm going to be busy unfortanetly though theres so much inside me that wants me to just say No and go anyway haha. But I couldn't do that. I even wonder if I will ever get to meet her, I mean shes amazing and I'd love to get to know her even more. Sometimes I fear her interest in me though is fake, I mean I have trust issues it part of who I am. Although I really feel already like I can trust her and I guess that in itself kind of scares me. Haha on tuesday she told me she had a date that night, I remember feeling like I had just swallowed my heart, she explained some one local had send her a message as well and they had a dinner date, which apparently went really well, so I am happy for her. I guess I should explain the local thing, generally I just use Vancouvers cragislist but that night I clicked victoria so she lives over on the island, its about 1-2hours tranist to ferry, 1 and half hours ferry ride, then another hour transit into down town vic if I want to go see her. Which don't get me wrong, I think thats nothing compared to how much I do want to go meet her haha. Even if it was just for coffee or something. I guess I just have those feelins that if I don't try to act try to get closer to her I won't ever have the chance. Since dinner went well with that other guy, who knows maybe I already missed my chance. Haha I added her on facebook today, and one of the first things I noticed was on tuesday she posted a status at 10pmish saying she couldn't stop smiling. I mean how can I compete with that? Sure im a geek but as much as I've always want to think of myself as special I've never really been able to. Would I even have a chance to woo her? I guess I can't really know till I see what happens. Thats all I shall rant on that subject for now haha.
So last but certinally not least would be good old mk, the only one from this list that may read this some day, maybe not. I only say maybe she will read it cause currently she is the only one that knows this journal exsists though I don't even know if she normally reads it at all, probably not. Haha I'm even talking to her on msn about her coming down tomorow and her packing. So Mk I've known for years now, she's from the island though a diffrent part, from cambell river. So we have never really been all to close, I mean I obviouslly care about her and like her but we have only ever met in person once, and we were with her other friend and mother which for me was nice but almost awkward cause her other friend knew her a lot better obviously.So she was orginigally planning on coming down this way for a book signing and staying with another friend of hers, but that friend ended up working and she decided to cancel it. Now recently she has been having a lot of trouble at home and with her parents and every thing and been stressed and she wanted to get away so she asked me if I could help her out. Of course for me this was like an obvious awnser, specially since this is the first time she has really asked anything of me and showed trust. haha, so anyway interestingly enough im suppose to pick her up from the ferry tomorow and shes gonna hang out for the weekend ya know, go to the book signing, were gonna go to her friends musical and she wants to meet one other friend for coffee I believe. So it should be an interesting weekend and fun hopefully. I've always wanted to spend time with her and get closer obviously since I've liked her, I know as is she doesn't have any feelings like that towards me which is fine. Even if we are just friends its great to know her, shes a very interesting person. Haha though I had to agree to today, well orginally it was yesterday, but I was A going to meet the other girl then she cancelled then it turned out there wasn't a late ferry yesterday and she had class so she had to wait till today, yay taking tonight off and accomplishing nothing special, infact ive spent most my time procastinating on the things i should be doing like cleaning and packing. I guess I'm mostly worried she wont enjoy her time here or with me or that it will be awkward I mean we haven't spent all that much time together in the past we don't even talk to much online so its going to be a bit diffrent but I am definetly looking forward to it. I just have trouble when I can't think everything down ahead of time, for example she is a vegatarian, but I am not, never have been I don't really know where to bring her to eat or what to get so she can eat here ya know? I know she doesn't really want to be a bother and every thing but I do want to make a good impression at the very least and make sure she enjoys her time here. And I think im going to stop typing now ive sorted enough of my thoughts for the moment, thanks if any one ever takes the time to read this/I ever make it public haha, laters.
So to start its been awhile since ive had any one to really talk to, theres a lot in my life often enough but friend wise I don't really trust people normally I just hate how a lot of people think or who they are in some ways so I often find myself holding my tongue rather then speaking my mind. I used to have a best friend but she moved, I suppose her fully in doing so simply because she is with her husband and trully happy now, I mean sure I feel a little betrayed simply cause I no long have her to talk to or hang out with really but I wouldn't change those facts even if it cost me my life, I've always believe in the people closest to me, their happiness comes before anything else.
Love life why are you so complicated? I mean really?! I go from being alone with no prospects at all, to two, kind of three, prospects just to keep things complicated. So first off theres Bridget, I'll start with her cause she was the first one that entered my life, she's also the most complicated. I knew her probably 6-8 years ago, we were kinda close but one day stuff happened and she basically took down all lines of communication between us. Heck I liked her back then and it hurt but it happens thats part of my past. Presently we started talking again after so long, she doesn't remember to much about us from back then probably a lot less then I do but we get along quite nicely still. Last two weeks we haven't really talked much if at all but she's been sick so I don't blame her but we were just getting close again and it seriously makes me think about it more. She lives quite far away, and inf act I probably never will meet her in person. She has a hard life and I really want to be there for her although she has trouble trusting any one let alone me. She also has cancer so im not sure about that, how long will she live and how serious ive actually not felt comfotable enough to ask her. I really care about her I guess I am just afraid the same things like last time and she won't speak to me again. So its like hmm just so many thoughts and lately I just wish I could help her..
So next is this girl I met purely concidentaly, to make this make more sense I shall explain. Fairly often I was getting into the habit of looking on craigslist for friends, or more and posting/replying. I don't usually find any one that interesting or if I do they never respond so no big loss. But then I found this one girl that is just amazing everything so far amazes me. She's smart, beautiful, and just wow. I was actually suppose to meet her today in person for the first time but her work called her in so thats a no go, she has tomorow off but I'm going to be busy unfortanetly though theres so much inside me that wants me to just say No and go anyway haha. But I couldn't do that. I even wonder if I will ever get to meet her, I mean shes amazing and I'd love to get to know her even more. Sometimes I fear her interest in me though is fake, I mean I have trust issues it part of who I am. Although I really feel already like I can trust her and I guess that in itself kind of scares me. Haha on tuesday she told me she had a date that night, I remember feeling like I had just swallowed my heart, she explained some one local had send her a message as well and they had a dinner date, which apparently went really well, so I am happy for her. I guess I should explain the local thing, generally I just use Vancouvers cragislist but that night I clicked victoria so she lives over on the island, its about 1-2hours tranist to ferry, 1 and half hours ferry ride, then another hour transit into down town vic if I want to go see her. Which don't get me wrong, I think thats nothing compared to how much I do want to go meet her haha. Even if it was just for coffee or something. I guess I just have those feelins that if I don't try to act try to get closer to her I won't ever have the chance. Since dinner went well with that other guy, who knows maybe I already missed my chance. Haha I added her on facebook today, and one of the first things I noticed was on tuesday she posted a status at 10pmish saying she couldn't stop smiling. I mean how can I compete with that? Sure im a geek but as much as I've always want to think of myself as special I've never really been able to. Would I even have a chance to woo her? I guess I can't really know till I see what happens. Thats all I shall rant on that subject for now haha.
So last but certinally not least would be good old mk, the only one from this list that may read this some day, maybe not. I only say maybe she will read it cause currently she is the only one that knows this journal exsists though I don't even know if she normally reads it at all, probably not. Haha I'm even talking to her on msn about her coming down tomorow and her packing. So Mk I've known for years now, she's from the island though a diffrent part, from cambell river. So we have never really been all to close, I mean I obviouslly care about her and like her but we have only ever met in person once, and we were with her other friend and mother which for me was nice but almost awkward cause her other friend knew her a lot better obviously.So she was orginigally planning on coming down this way for a book signing and staying with another friend of hers, but that friend ended up working and she decided to cancel it. Now recently she has been having a lot of trouble at home and with her parents and every thing and been stressed and she wanted to get away so she asked me if I could help her out. Of course for me this was like an obvious awnser, specially since this is the first time she has really asked anything of me and showed trust. haha, so anyway interestingly enough im suppose to pick her up from the ferry tomorow and shes gonna hang out for the weekend ya know, go to the book signing, were gonna go to her friends musical and she wants to meet one other friend for coffee I believe. So it should be an interesting weekend and fun hopefully. I've always wanted to spend time with her and get closer obviously since I've liked her, I know as is she doesn't have any feelings like that towards me which is fine. Even if we are just friends its great to know her, shes a very interesting person. Haha though I had to agree to today, well orginally it was yesterday, but I was A going to meet the other girl then she cancelled then it turned out there wasn't a late ferry yesterday and she had class so she had to wait till today, yay taking tonight off and accomplishing nothing special, infact ive spent most my time procastinating on the things i should be doing like cleaning and packing. I guess I'm mostly worried she wont enjoy her time here or with me or that it will be awkward I mean we haven't spent all that much time together in the past we don't even talk to much online so its going to be a bit diffrent but I am definetly looking forward to it. I just have trouble when I can't think everything down ahead of time, for example she is a vegatarian, but I am not, never have been I don't really know where to bring her to eat or what to get so she can eat here ya know? I know she doesn't really want to be a bother and every thing but I do want to make a good impression at the very least and make sure she enjoys her time here. And I think im going to stop typing now ive sorted enough of my thoughts for the moment, thanks if any one ever takes the time to read this/I ever make it public haha, laters.