3 in the morning
Oh God Im so so bored. I just sitting here smoking a cig. ( I know i know bad for me)Doing some deep thinking. I dont know what to do with my life at this point. I cant sit a telemarking all my life....well i could but that would not help out my dream any. That being a wife two kids, house, and a dog...maybe even a cat...hell im feeling nice today. Thing is I dont know where to go with my life at this point. I could go to school...but i have been saying that for so long...and what would i study. I dont want to sit at a desk all day unless im programing a computer or something. I have some kick ass thoughts for things and great ideas...for programing and the making of games but i cant go any where with it. I guess i sould stop making excuses and just get off my ass and do some thing about it..but its just so hard...im lazy..there i told. Im so inlove right now its not even funny but the thing is that my head is going two different ways and i dont know what to do. I put my self in a spot and im sure im going to get fucked in the end some how and end up the bad guy or getting yelled at or worse. My girlfriend keeps saying im cheating, talking to some one else, fucking some one??? I must be doing something wrong that or I have missed a few things in the last two weeks. I love her and all i really do, but im starting to wonder whats going on in her head...I was thinking about it today and she as been calling lately which is just alittle odd but not to much, but i started to wonder if she is calling to make sure im where i told her to be when i told her i would be there....its cute. she might not even be doing that but it was a thought. Then my best friend and other in the world has been close to me lately. I have known her for more than 4 years now...I dont know how to tell her no and i dont think i want to either...but at the same time i dont want to hurt jessica...I dont know...im lost. Cant have both can i? :: laughs:: If you are reading this jessica remember what i told you about what i write in this is not to come back to me from you. I want to be able to write my thoughts with out getting yelled at your accused. I feel like im about to get fired too....i hope not. My cuzs wife cheated on him on his birthday now im scared as hell im going to get hurt too....him by my self for a week....i hate being alone....im broke...:: laughs :: the list goes on and on...but hey something will come up and change things...i hope. Both Megan and Jessica have been keeping me up these last few weeks and im sure they will make sure im ok. well im bored again so i think im going to go to bed now....yeah im going to bed now...bye night...