(no subject)
i love the image of the gang knife-fight from M. Jackson's "Beat It" video, because they're trying to destroy each other with one hand while linked inextricably by the other.
so many of the people that i love are very far away from me. communication is always by remote. neither the computer or phone have eyes, and how hard is it to really talk to someone when you can't see their eyes! i just need to accept that my lifestyle has changed more thoroughly in the last 3 months than it had in the 3 years prior. i live in a new state now, doing new things. the good and the bad are contained here, and while I have the old, i can't let the new slide - new routines, new goals, new challenges, new relationships...
i'm in pittsburgh at the moment visiting my little brother and Melanie. it's been so great to see them both. not only do i get a little more elbow room than at home (it's just how it is, and how i may always feel. 'home' has thick walls and a heavy ceiling and so on, forever.) also, i can really talk in my native tongue around them. it's been such a long time, that i thought i was losing my accent, in a way.
it's funny that by this time of the year (at least according to the deep, asymmetrical seasons of my heart and mind) i would be hidden somewhere under a rock, waiting to swollow back down the thoughts and fears that come with regurgitated challenges. lonely? angry? excited? again? so let's dance through this tune with a new tempo but familiar words.
shit. i used to not talk at ALL. keep pushin' that rock up that hill...
so many of the people that i love are very far away from me. communication is always by remote. neither the computer or phone have eyes, and how hard is it to really talk to someone when you can't see their eyes! i just need to accept that my lifestyle has changed more thoroughly in the last 3 months than it had in the 3 years prior. i live in a new state now, doing new things. the good and the bad are contained here, and while I have the old, i can't let the new slide - new routines, new goals, new challenges, new relationships...
i'm in pittsburgh at the moment visiting my little brother and Melanie. it's been so great to see them both. not only do i get a little more elbow room than at home (it's just how it is, and how i may always feel. 'home' has thick walls and a heavy ceiling and so on, forever.) also, i can really talk in my native tongue around them. it's been such a long time, that i thought i was losing my accent, in a way.
it's funny that by this time of the year (at least according to the deep, asymmetrical seasons of my heart and mind) i would be hidden somewhere under a rock, waiting to swollow back down the thoughts and fears that come with regurgitated challenges. lonely? angry? excited? again? so let's dance through this tune with a new tempo but familiar words.
shit. i used to not talk at ALL. keep pushin' that rock up that hill...