In which our hero prepares to leave behind all that he loves...
It's funny, the only time I really make an effort to post to my livejournal, is when I'm really emotionally charged in one way or the other. Since I usually save the happy and/or moderately depressed bloggings for my ever popular myspace blog, the one's that end up here are all written when I'm on the very brink of a meltdown of Chernoplean proportions. Now, I don't think "Chernoplean" is actually a word, but I don't know what people or things from Chernople are called so I'm using it. I don't think anything comes from Chernople any more anyway.
Regardless, I've got so much going on in my life and head right now. I am constantly being battered from within by every possible thought and emotion. I swing from nervous to excited to scared to happy to sad to frustrated to anxious and back to nervous, all in a matter of seconds and continually throughout these hectic days.
"Wow Seven, it sounds like you're pregnant! haha!"
Thank you for that comment reader, and yes, it is true, I am pregnant. I am pregnant with the fruit of my rotten experience here. This town fucked me and now I'm having its illegitimate child. What manner of child? A new and better life. I bare within me the fetus of success and happiness and what I've come to realize is that now, all I must do is go through this oh so painful birthing period. Once I push and scream and heave and breath through this agony, I will have something new to cherish and nurture into the life I've always wanted. I can't wait to get out there and meet people, musicians, friends, losers, dorks, dandies, ne'er-do-wells and everyone else I can meet. I want to rock (rock) and roll to my fullest ability. I want to work 5 days a week and beat my body to a pulp every weekend, going to shows, playing shows, meeting everyone I can, drinking and just all out rocking. Why do I feel like I haven't really lived yet? I feel like even the times I was going nuts up here in Burlington it wasn't for real. it was like training wheels. Maybe its because we were pretty much the hardest drinkers and partiers in this town, but I realize that as pathetic, because we really weren't rocking that hard. Plus, out there, when you party and drink and go to shows, as a musician, you can actually make something of that. Meeting other musicians, promoters, scouts and things of this nature. I can't wait to get more tattoos, too, that's pretty high on my to do list. Last time I moved I really felt like I compromised who I was to "get a job." I took out my piercings, dyed my hair back to a natural color and made sure all my tattoos were good and covered before every interview. But fuck that.
"But Seven, really, that's the mature thing to do. I mean, an adult realizes that there are some things he/she needs to do that he might not like."
Fuck that, and fuck you for saying it, reader. First of all, I'll be the first to admit that I'm immature, but at the same time, I've grown up a shit load more than a lot of people my age. I've lived on my own, I've learned a lot from failed relationships (haha) I've helped people, I've hurt people, I've gotten myself into debt, paid my own rent and a million other things. Honestly I feel like I tried to grow up to fast in a lot of ways, what with getting married when I was 19 and things like that. But now I've got a pretty good handle on taking care of myself, so I'm ready to just go fucking nuts. No, I'm not just talking about wanton madness and things of this nature, but really working the crap out of my musical abilities. I'm going to spend countless hours writing and programming, and then also try hard to get a bitching band together out there. I want to play some funk, honestly, but that's probably because I've been listening to too much scissor sisters.
Yes, I'm very excited about moving to Seattle, but those feelings of sadness are completely valid. I know I will meet new people and I'll never lose touch with the friends I've made here. But still...
I'm a fiercely nostalgic person. My mother always said I was cursed with a happy childhood and it's true. Elly always thought that was a horrible thing to say with your child, but it's just the way my mom is. But it's true, I'm constantly looking back, thinking about how good things were, and how much fun I had with people. I'm sure I will have bouts in the early days of my move where memories of my best friends and of Elly will flood back and leave me a mass of depression with a light sprinkling of tears. But its times like this that I will take Chester by the paw and together the two of us will venture into the unknown beyond, for better or worse. I can't make an accurate measure as to which it would be, but either way, I will learn more.
This is my education. My trial by fire.
Regardless, I've got so much going on in my life and head right now. I am constantly being battered from within by every possible thought and emotion. I swing from nervous to excited to scared to happy to sad to frustrated to anxious and back to nervous, all in a matter of seconds and continually throughout these hectic days.
"Wow Seven, it sounds like you're pregnant! haha!"
Thank you for that comment reader, and yes, it is true, I am pregnant. I am pregnant with the fruit of my rotten experience here. This town fucked me and now I'm having its illegitimate child. What manner of child? A new and better life. I bare within me the fetus of success and happiness and what I've come to realize is that now, all I must do is go through this oh so painful birthing period. Once I push and scream and heave and breath through this agony, I will have something new to cherish and nurture into the life I've always wanted. I can't wait to get out there and meet people, musicians, friends, losers, dorks, dandies, ne'er-do-wells and everyone else I can meet. I want to rock (rock) and roll to my fullest ability. I want to work 5 days a week and beat my body to a pulp every weekend, going to shows, playing shows, meeting everyone I can, drinking and just all out rocking. Why do I feel like I haven't really lived yet? I feel like even the times I was going nuts up here in Burlington it wasn't for real. it was like training wheels. Maybe its because we were pretty much the hardest drinkers and partiers in this town, but I realize that as pathetic, because we really weren't rocking that hard. Plus, out there, when you party and drink and go to shows, as a musician, you can actually make something of that. Meeting other musicians, promoters, scouts and things of this nature. I can't wait to get more tattoos, too, that's pretty high on my to do list. Last time I moved I really felt like I compromised who I was to "get a job." I took out my piercings, dyed my hair back to a natural color and made sure all my tattoos were good and covered before every interview. But fuck that.
"But Seven, really, that's the mature thing to do. I mean, an adult realizes that there are some things he/she needs to do that he might not like."
Fuck that, and fuck you for saying it, reader. First of all, I'll be the first to admit that I'm immature, but at the same time, I've grown up a shit load more than a lot of people my age. I've lived on my own, I've learned a lot from failed relationships (haha) I've helped people, I've hurt people, I've gotten myself into debt, paid my own rent and a million other things. Honestly I feel like I tried to grow up to fast in a lot of ways, what with getting married when I was 19 and things like that. But now I've got a pretty good handle on taking care of myself, so I'm ready to just go fucking nuts. No, I'm not just talking about wanton madness and things of this nature, but really working the crap out of my musical abilities. I'm going to spend countless hours writing and programming, and then also try hard to get a bitching band together out there. I want to play some funk, honestly, but that's probably because I've been listening to too much scissor sisters.
Yes, I'm very excited about moving to Seattle, but those feelings of sadness are completely valid. I know I will meet new people and I'll never lose touch with the friends I've made here. But still...
I'm a fiercely nostalgic person. My mother always said I was cursed with a happy childhood and it's true. Elly always thought that was a horrible thing to say with your child, but it's just the way my mom is. But it's true, I'm constantly looking back, thinking about how good things were, and how much fun I had with people. I'm sure I will have bouts in the early days of my move where memories of my best friends and of Elly will flood back and leave me a mass of depression with a light sprinkling of tears. But its times like this that I will take Chester by the paw and together the two of us will venture into the unknown beyond, for better or worse. I can't make an accurate measure as to which it would be, but either way, I will learn more.
This is my education. My trial by fire.