(no subject)
How to underestimate the modern wom...er... how to make a successful women's interest magazine
By generic media hive mind executive #3342
-Most important are serial spreads on celebrities because nothing has more bearing on a woman's life than the break up of famous couples. Don't worry about being invasive, feel free to print articles based on out of focus paparazzi shots of the couple shopping, dubious hints from "a friend of a friend" or what the aliens told you.
-Nothing fills space better than human interest stories. Chase up as many people in adverse situations as possible and trivialise them by printing their story in the most overemotive and/or saccharine way possible. Leave them with the $200 you're paying them for rights to print the article but no actual help.
-Include a section where women can write in with funny anecdotes about the hilariously stupid things their husbands do because we all know this is a very empowering and progressive form of feminism *cough*
-The modern woman has many interests; cooking, cleaning and gardening. Propagate these based on vague trends you assume will catch on. Recipes must be needlessly difficult to prepare and composed of at least 20 ingredients (bonus points if you can't find them in a supermarket or specialty deli).
Fire gardening editor if she starts going on about all this "plant health" stuff. Everyone knows this is boring and irrelevant. What really matters is water features.
-All fashion spreads must include clothes that are equally ugly and expensive, bonus points if they go out of fashion just after the next issue is released. Models must all be unrealistically beautiful and also emaciated.
- Be sure to throw in random excerpts from an AGA saga for filler towards the back. Assume that the tired stereotype of an oppressed housewife in a cliche situation written by spoilt eurotrash will be a bestseller and inevitably the tome of the modern woman.
-The back cover should include several hundred listings for "bona fide real" psychics because no one is capable of living day to day life without a psychic buddy called Crystalline McDarkShadowMystikalDawn telling them how to eat, sleep, dress and breathe
Cynicism huzzah!
By generic media hive mind executive #3342
-Most important are serial spreads on celebrities because nothing has more bearing on a woman's life than the break up of famous couples. Don't worry about being invasive, feel free to print articles based on out of focus paparazzi shots of the couple shopping, dubious hints from "a friend of a friend" or what the aliens told you.
-Nothing fills space better than human interest stories. Chase up as many people in adverse situations as possible and trivialise them by printing their story in the most overemotive and/or saccharine way possible. Leave them with the $200 you're paying them for rights to print the article but no actual help.
-Include a section where women can write in with funny anecdotes about the hilariously stupid things their husbands do because we all know this is a very empowering and progressive form of feminism *cough*
-The modern woman has many interests; cooking, cleaning and gardening. Propagate these based on vague trends you assume will catch on. Recipes must be needlessly difficult to prepare and composed of at least 20 ingredients (bonus points if you can't find them in a supermarket or specialty deli).
Fire gardening editor if she starts going on about all this "plant health" stuff. Everyone knows this is boring and irrelevant. What really matters is water features.
-All fashion spreads must include clothes that are equally ugly and expensive, bonus points if they go out of fashion just after the next issue is released. Models must all be unrealistically beautiful and also emaciated.
- Be sure to throw in random excerpts from an AGA saga for filler towards the back. Assume that the tired stereotype of an oppressed housewife in a cliche situation written by spoilt eurotrash will be a bestseller and inevitably the tome of the modern woman.
-The back cover should include several hundred listings for "bona fide real" psychics because no one is capable of living day to day life without a psychic buddy called Crystalline McDarkShadowMystikalDawn telling them how to eat, sleep, dress and breathe
Cynicism huzzah!