(no subject)
No matter how normal I manage to maintain myself during the day. In the dead of the night there will be a random moment where it just hits me hard. My stomach begins to ache, my throat clenches and my chest fills with what I am told is anxiety. I must stay strong. If I can just get through this next week I'll have a week of vacation to relax.
I wish i could concentrate on my projects. I hate how stressful art can be when you are put on a time limit. Because you want to create something that is good, that you actually care about, yet the sheer fact of it being an assignment makes you loath it. And then you beat yourself up when you end up having to rush it to meet the due date and it comes out looking like garbage. I wish i was proud of what I made instead of only being slightly impressed in such a fleeting way.
I really miss playing video games. All I play now is shitty games or games I've beaten countless times and have little interest in anymore. I think they were something to really take my mind off of things. Now I have too much time to just think. My brain is too much of a mess to read, my art discourages me tremendously and all I ever do with my friends is sit around the house. I need something to concentrate on, something that i enjoy and can just lose myself in. It's sad but I think video games was what really did that for me growing up. Now I seem to be lacking in every department. My art is crap, I can't read, school is frustrating and I have such a small amount of real friends.
I really have to stop writing in here. Or at least making them private so people don't think I'm completely insane.
I wish i could concentrate on my projects. I hate how stressful art can be when you are put on a time limit. Because you want to create something that is good, that you actually care about, yet the sheer fact of it being an assignment makes you loath it. And then you beat yourself up when you end up having to rush it to meet the due date and it comes out looking like garbage. I wish i was proud of what I made instead of only being slightly impressed in such a fleeting way.
I really miss playing video games. All I play now is shitty games or games I've beaten countless times and have little interest in anymore. I think they were something to really take my mind off of things. Now I have too much time to just think. My brain is too much of a mess to read, my art discourages me tremendously and all I ever do with my friends is sit around the house. I need something to concentrate on, something that i enjoy and can just lose myself in. It's sad but I think video games was what really did that for me growing up. Now I seem to be lacking in every department. My art is crap, I can't read, school is frustrating and I have such a small amount of real friends.
I really have to stop writing in here. Or at least making them private so people don't think I'm completely insane.