lost
it's late. work is in only a few hours and im sleepless and scared of the unfolding months. i feel like my sense of creative identity is lost in my daily hustle of work, drink, sleep repeat. im off declaring my identity through playing songs i wrote years ago or playing songs i didn't write at all. it's like the creative engine in me broke down and died while i was sleeping behind the wheel, radio blaring advertisements and headlights dimming out.
im burnt out trying to run a band. i'm too damn caught up in the day to focus on attempting long term anythings.
i don't know who i really am or who im trying to be sometimes.
i can remember some of the people i was. the music thing and the DIY garage tinkerer seem consistant to my identity. the party kid thing wasn't always there, sometimes i hate that face i wear. i can generaly get along with everyone. i welcome new people sometimes and other times i ignore and introvert.
i'll admit that i've got some regrets thus far. i feel like im jaded toward certain things even though an old friend said im much too young for that state of mind.
what an exciting and terrifying era of the twenty-something. smoking to cope with too much smoking. drinking to cope with too much drinking. years seeming shorter each time around.
maybe i can make some deadlines to help my situation. i've got a few instated by the government but they cost money without an optomistic exchange. i'll get a few in line for better health and a more balanced grip on life. a good start i think would be to sleep. like now.
im burnt out trying to run a band. i'm too damn caught up in the day to focus on attempting long term anythings.
i don't know who i really am or who im trying to be sometimes.
i can remember some of the people i was. the music thing and the DIY garage tinkerer seem consistant to my identity. the party kid thing wasn't always there, sometimes i hate that face i wear. i can generaly get along with everyone. i welcome new people sometimes and other times i ignore and introvert.
i'll admit that i've got some regrets thus far. i feel like im jaded toward certain things even though an old friend said im much too young for that state of mind.
what an exciting and terrifying era of the twenty-something. smoking to cope with too much smoking. drinking to cope with too much drinking. years seeming shorter each time around.
maybe i can make some deadlines to help my situation. i've got a few instated by the government but they cost money without an optomistic exchange. i'll get a few in line for better health and a more balanced grip on life. a good start i think would be to sleep. like now.