(no subject)
so many records.
does not bring happiness.
nor does being sad and mellow when you are alone.
I guess I am just melancholy.
trying to fill and find the void in my life.
filling the void in my life.
impossible.
fill the void. and find a new one.
fill the void.
the void is there.
I wont be satisfied.
I can be satisfied.
I need to ween myself off of the internet.
at least the gaming part of the internet that I've been playing.
by myself for the last month.
need to get away from that ten year old game.
meaning it is ten years old.
it is ruled by people who play it a lot.
I can not find any fun in it anymore.
i can not progress anymore in it.
it is not possible.
unless i surrender my life over onto it.
I would be devoting myself to playing this game.
and I have some many other. several skills that would be amazing to utilize.
otherwise.
I need to utilize my other skills.
because this gaming bs is stupid.
__________________
on another note.
I dont know what all i should do about the living situation.
I need independence.
maybe i need to go to school.
and learn more things.
and live by myself over there.
or maybe live with other people and go to school?
I rather live alone i think.
I'd be open to living with people in seattle.
but I have no motive in my living situation.
I have no motive to work or do something.
while i am living in this communal house.
I'd want to switch jobs.
and live in this house.
and work towards my new job.
or.
what would I be doing if I lived in this house and didn't have a job.
what would I work towards?
would I just clean the house and make food?
and spin vinyl?
and try to distribute my cds to my friends?
even though most of my friends would just keep them around.?
it is like a new CD you add to your library.
working one day at a time is how it works.
and it's real hard to adjust to be alone.
from spending time with someone.
but. aside from that. which was a random comment.
I am having a hard time. accepting that I live in this house.
pure freedom.
I have not felt at ease for a while.
it's been a low time for smoking weed as well.
I haven't been doing that.
and have got a headache or two.
after 4 days.
and then i smoked a hit.
because all i have is my one-y.
and my pipe broke.
and i broke it even more when it broke.
and I let my anger out.
and I shouldn't have done that.
because I shouldn't do that.
because that was the hawkwind song that we listened to and sang that night.
it was a good thing that it broke I think.
where should I live?
what should I embrace.?
I want to push away from my family and live separately.
my dad will be living alone.
my mom is moving to ellensberg to teach for 9 months and coming back on the weekends.
supposedly coming back on the weekends.
I want to detatch.
I have a hard time working on the hill.
and not talking or seeing people.
seems as though all of my friends are on different levels than me.
don't know how great staring at the computer screen is for me.
I should really move it out of this room.
that may be the best solution.
no recording.
haha.
dismantle my desk. and computer.
and just play music.
learn the records.
weed the records out.
work on moving things.
one day at a time.
practice my cello.
practice my music.
sell or give away records.
take pictures.
hang out with people.
buy and share weed?
probably.
go to school.
take classes.
write.
love myself more.
learn to understand what helping yourself.
and healthy love is like.
because if people dont want to call you.
or talk to you.
things arent correct.
you shouldn't like people.
who don't want to communicate with you.
you should be open.
but you shouldn't push yourself into places that aren't healthy.
that is partly why I should quit this video game.
even though parts of it are very visually pleasing.
and nostalgic.
actually it may ALL be nostalgic.
and that is why i can suffice to hold onto a limb or twig.
holding onto a limb in this game.
because I play alone.
and suffice alone.
and fight alone.
against nearly invincible players.
and if I'm not fighting invincible players.
I'm fighting people I dont want to attack.
so I dont fight them.
because I'm not that kind of person.
anyways.
this game is something I have attempted to use to fill the void
that I have. the void I believe that I possess in my life.
the void I'd like to fill.
which I am filling with this livejournal entry.
the void is like a hole.
it is like a pipe.
that goes downwards.
and sometimes it can be stopped.
plugged up I guess you could say.
that is when you are satiated.
that is when you are satisfied.
ready to fall asleep.
that is what you should feel all of the time.
in tune with yourself.
satiated. loved. perfect correct.
exactly.
find the things that satisfy.
and drive you.
round your edges.
and embrace all of that stuff.
skateboarding.
pictures.
DJing.
records.
music.
cds.
livejournal.
video-blogging.
youtubing.
friends.
vegetables.
fruits.
eating. preparing food.
teamwork.
working.
talking.
communicating.
spending time with people.
spending time alone.
breathing.
being straight-forward.
exploring ideas though.
expanding options.
unlocking closed doors.
i.e.
making old posts public?
necessary?
gaining a broader and larger vocabulary.
being organized.
taking care of yourself.
keeping yourself warm.
entertaining others.
exercising.
imagining.
doing.
going.
my friends said that we are all cowards.
in a certain context that is.
and I'd like to debunk that.
in saying that we shouldn't even consider that as an option.
I would rather say that we should just embrace what we are interested in.
and quoting radioinactive. the MC or Rapper that did the album.
Free Kamal.
by anti-mc.
I'd quote him again.
in saying.
divide your day into segments and do what you want.
we are creators who create when we do what we want.
drawing.
painting.
coloring.
being productive by spending time.
balancing your day.
in communication.
and being prolific.
taking care of yourself.
understanding how to spend your patience?
I spent ten minutes waiting on a pizza delivery today.
when the money was there the whole time.
it was an interesting time.
which reminds me about writing.
I also bought 2 books today.
delivered a pizza to marty.
step 1.
stop playing asheron's call.
step 2.
reset my computer up somewhere else in the house. I think.
step 3.
buy a labtop?
step 4.
help my dad or mom.
move things out of this house.
step 5.
utilize as much space as possible in this music room.
step 6.
buy more turn tables.
step 7.
move out.
step 8.
get another bed.
step 9.
buy some clothes.
step 10.
embrace your family and friends.
step 11.
buy more house plants.
step 12.
go back to school.
step 13.
keep skating.
step 14.
quit your job.
step 15.
get a new job.
step 16.
keep skating.
step 17.
buy a bicycle.
step 18.
stop driving your car.
step 19.
minimalize driving to a few times a week.
or less.
step 20.
consider the possibility of not owning a car.
step 21.
buy hand sanitizer.
step 22.
relax.
because you should rest your joints.
step 23.
keep skating.
step 24.
buy a new skateboard,
step 25.
support your local artists.
local homeless.
local friends.
local produce.
step 26.
try to play music for other people.
step 27.
clean your harmonica.
step 28.
continue collecting acoustic instruments.
step 29.
share your music with your friends.
step 30.
share your music with your friends via mp3s.
or via cds.
or via live playing.
step 31.
paint
step 32.
paint your walls.
step 33.
continue to learn.
step 34.
collage.
step 35.
eat food with your neighbors.
step 36.
embrace something.
step 37.
find someone who you can be on the same level with.
step 38.
love yourself.
step 39.
be positive.
step 40.
be prolific.
step 41.
realize that knowledge can be gained.
step 42.
realize that you do not need to record everything.
step 43.
embrace friendships.
step 44.
be relaxed.
step 45.
breath.
step 46.
fall asleep calmly.
step 47.
realize that you do not need to drink.
step 48.
realize that you can drink if you want to.
step 49.
realize that things take balance.
step 50.
realize something else.
step 51.
coninute to document collective writing.
step 52.
compile documentation of past writing.
and try to collectively create a book.
step 53.
create a book.
step 54.
learn to make books.
step 55.
build a library.
step 56.
help your friends remodel somewhere
step 57.
move in with some friends.
step 58.
sleep where you will.
step 59.
breath and be comfortable.
step 60.
continue working on your musical instrument.
step 61.
attempt to write a song.
on music papr.
step 62.
continue to document music via video and picture.
via video camera and via digital camera.
step 63.
break loose from the steps you are taking.
to start over again.
step 64.
make a new set of steps to follow on a new chapter.
in a new, but still positive direction.
step 65.
fall asleep.
____________________
I am still confused about what to do about my living situation.
how to be satisfied.
how to be complete.
etc.
no need for advice.
I am just sharing with you.
it is good to clean.
it is good to cleanse.
it is good to minimalize.
it is good to maximize.
it is good to give gifts.
it is good to give rides.
it is good to stay inside.
it is good to go outside.
continue to learn.
continue to build.
continue to gain knowledge.
continue to stretch.
and breath.
and share.
that is why.
I am trying to be less private.
what will come of it.
we will see.
I suppose.
peace.
-robobo
-rob
-bert
-bertolo.
-S
9.3.08
does not bring happiness.
nor does being sad and mellow when you are alone.
I guess I am just melancholy.
trying to fill and find the void in my life.
filling the void in my life.
impossible.
fill the void. and find a new one.
fill the void.
the void is there.
I wont be satisfied.
I can be satisfied.
I need to ween myself off of the internet.
at least the gaming part of the internet that I've been playing.
by myself for the last month.
need to get away from that ten year old game.
meaning it is ten years old.
it is ruled by people who play it a lot.
I can not find any fun in it anymore.
i can not progress anymore in it.
it is not possible.
unless i surrender my life over onto it.
I would be devoting myself to playing this game.
and I have some many other. several skills that would be amazing to utilize.
otherwise.
I need to utilize my other skills.
because this gaming bs is stupid.
__________________
on another note.
I dont know what all i should do about the living situation.
I need independence.
maybe i need to go to school.
and learn more things.
and live by myself over there.
or maybe live with other people and go to school?
I rather live alone i think.
I'd be open to living with people in seattle.
but I have no motive in my living situation.
I have no motive to work or do something.
while i am living in this communal house.
I'd want to switch jobs.
and live in this house.
and work towards my new job.
or.
what would I be doing if I lived in this house and didn't have a job.
what would I work towards?
would I just clean the house and make food?
and spin vinyl?
and try to distribute my cds to my friends?
even though most of my friends would just keep them around.?
it is like a new CD you add to your library.
working one day at a time is how it works.
and it's real hard to adjust to be alone.
from spending time with someone.
but. aside from that. which was a random comment.
I am having a hard time. accepting that I live in this house.
pure freedom.
I have not felt at ease for a while.
it's been a low time for smoking weed as well.
I haven't been doing that.
and have got a headache or two.
after 4 days.
and then i smoked a hit.
because all i have is my one-y.
and my pipe broke.
and i broke it even more when it broke.
and I let my anger out.
and I shouldn't have done that.
because I shouldn't do that.
because that was the hawkwind song that we listened to and sang that night.
it was a good thing that it broke I think.
where should I live?
what should I embrace.?
I want to push away from my family and live separately.
my dad will be living alone.
my mom is moving to ellensberg to teach for 9 months and coming back on the weekends.
supposedly coming back on the weekends.
I want to detatch.
I have a hard time working on the hill.
and not talking or seeing people.
seems as though all of my friends are on different levels than me.
don't know how great staring at the computer screen is for me.
I should really move it out of this room.
that may be the best solution.
no recording.
haha.
dismantle my desk. and computer.
and just play music.
learn the records.
weed the records out.
work on moving things.
one day at a time.
practice my cello.
practice my music.
sell or give away records.
take pictures.
hang out with people.
buy and share weed?
probably.
go to school.
take classes.
write.
love myself more.
learn to understand what helping yourself.
and healthy love is like.
because if people dont want to call you.
or talk to you.
things arent correct.
you shouldn't like people.
who don't want to communicate with you.
you should be open.
but you shouldn't push yourself into places that aren't healthy.
that is partly why I should quit this video game.
even though parts of it are very visually pleasing.
and nostalgic.
actually it may ALL be nostalgic.
and that is why i can suffice to hold onto a limb or twig.
holding onto a limb in this game.
because I play alone.
and suffice alone.
and fight alone.
against nearly invincible players.
and if I'm not fighting invincible players.
I'm fighting people I dont want to attack.
so I dont fight them.
because I'm not that kind of person.
anyways.
this game is something I have attempted to use to fill the void
that I have. the void I believe that I possess in my life.
the void I'd like to fill.
which I am filling with this livejournal entry.
the void is like a hole.
it is like a pipe.
that goes downwards.
and sometimes it can be stopped.
plugged up I guess you could say.
that is when you are satiated.
that is when you are satisfied.
ready to fall asleep.
that is what you should feel all of the time.
in tune with yourself.
satiated. loved. perfect correct.
exactly.
find the things that satisfy.
and drive you.
round your edges.
and embrace all of that stuff.
skateboarding.
pictures.
DJing.
records.
music.
cds.
livejournal.
video-blogging.
youtubing.
friends.
vegetables.
fruits.
eating. preparing food.
teamwork.
working.
talking.
communicating.
spending time with people.
spending time alone.
breathing.
being straight-forward.
exploring ideas though.
expanding options.
unlocking closed doors.
i.e.
making old posts public?
necessary?
gaining a broader and larger vocabulary.
being organized.
taking care of yourself.
keeping yourself warm.
entertaining others.
exercising.
imagining.
doing.
going.
my friends said that we are all cowards.
in a certain context that is.
and I'd like to debunk that.
in saying that we shouldn't even consider that as an option.
I would rather say that we should just embrace what we are interested in.
and quoting radioinactive. the MC or Rapper that did the album.
Free Kamal.
by anti-mc.
I'd quote him again.
in saying.
divide your day into segments and do what you want.
we are creators who create when we do what we want.
drawing.
painting.
coloring.
being productive by spending time.
balancing your day.
in communication.
and being prolific.
taking care of yourself.
understanding how to spend your patience?
I spent ten minutes waiting on a pizza delivery today.
when the money was there the whole time.
it was an interesting time.
which reminds me about writing.
I also bought 2 books today.
delivered a pizza to marty.
step 1.
stop playing asheron's call.
step 2.
reset my computer up somewhere else in the house. I think.
step 3.
buy a labtop?
step 4.
help my dad or mom.
move things out of this house.
step 5.
utilize as much space as possible in this music room.
step 6.
buy more turn tables.
step 7.
move out.
step 8.
get another bed.
step 9.
buy some clothes.
step 10.
embrace your family and friends.
step 11.
buy more house plants.
step 12.
go back to school.
step 13.
keep skating.
step 14.
quit your job.
step 15.
get a new job.
step 16.
keep skating.
step 17.
buy a bicycle.
step 18.
stop driving your car.
step 19.
minimalize driving to a few times a week.
or less.
step 20.
consider the possibility of not owning a car.
step 21.
buy hand sanitizer.
step 22.
relax.
because you should rest your joints.
step 23.
keep skating.
step 24.
buy a new skateboard,
step 25.
support your local artists.
local homeless.
local friends.
local produce.
step 26.
try to play music for other people.
step 27.
clean your harmonica.
step 28.
continue collecting acoustic instruments.
step 29.
share your music with your friends.
step 30.
share your music with your friends via mp3s.
or via cds.
or via live playing.
step 31.
paint
step 32.
paint your walls.
step 33.
continue to learn.
step 34.
collage.
step 35.
eat food with your neighbors.
step 36.
embrace something.
step 37.
find someone who you can be on the same level with.
step 38.
love yourself.
step 39.
be positive.
step 40.
be prolific.
step 41.
realize that knowledge can be gained.
step 42.
realize that you do not need to record everything.
step 43.
embrace friendships.
step 44.
be relaxed.
step 45.
breath.
step 46.
fall asleep calmly.
step 47.
realize that you do not need to drink.
step 48.
realize that you can drink if you want to.
step 49.
realize that things take balance.
step 50.
realize something else.
step 51.
coninute to document collective writing.
step 52.
compile documentation of past writing.
and try to collectively create a book.
step 53.
create a book.
step 54.
learn to make books.
step 55.
build a library.
step 56.
help your friends remodel somewhere
step 57.
move in with some friends.
step 58.
sleep where you will.
step 59.
breath and be comfortable.
step 60.
continue working on your musical instrument.
step 61.
attempt to write a song.
on music papr.
step 62.
continue to document music via video and picture.
via video camera and via digital camera.
step 63.
break loose from the steps you are taking.
to start over again.
step 64.
make a new set of steps to follow on a new chapter.
in a new, but still positive direction.
step 65.
fall asleep.
____________________
I am still confused about what to do about my living situation.
how to be satisfied.
how to be complete.
etc.
no need for advice.
I am just sharing with you.
it is good to clean.
it is good to cleanse.
it is good to minimalize.
it is good to maximize.
it is good to give gifts.
it is good to give rides.
it is good to stay inside.
it is good to go outside.
continue to learn.
continue to build.
continue to gain knowledge.
continue to stretch.
and breath.
and share.
that is why.
I am trying to be less private.
what will come of it.
we will see.
I suppose.
peace.
-robobo
-rob
-bert
-bertolo.
-S
9.3.08