Reverse Culture Stress
I should be sleeping but instead I am documenting my current strange feelings.
Reverse culture stress. Literally in reverse. I'm anticipating the move back to the States and freaking out perhaps more than I did coming to Japan. I am worried about readjusting to American life, I am sad about leaving the country that has given me so much (to think about), and the truth of it is this: in moving back, I am starting my life as much as moving here was escaping from it. Where did I go? Why?
Here are the pros:
Being an expat is great. People tell you you're beautiful (here, whities are exotic). If you look even remotely lost, someone looking to practice their English will come up to you with a "Can I help you?". And you can experience life through the filter of a language you can just barely grasp. That may be the best part.
The cons, you ask?
People are jerks. The ones who don't give you directions won't even acknowledge your existence. You may be beautiful but at least one person on every train will stare at you like you wrote "FUCK YOU" on your head. People will spit and piss wherever they like, if they're a man. There is a ton of discrimination here; foreigners have a harder time getting apartments--and NOT because of the language; certain jobs are for women (answering the phone, "manning" the information booth, nothing requiring a lot of hard work but totally requiring a pretty face or voice); and if your boss offers--no GIVES--you a drink, you must drink. Unless you're me.
Maybe it looks like I have more cons than pros. Granted, I haven't mentioned all the cool places I've been or the interesting cultural aspects I've learned. But in general, this is why I'm leaving. Actually, that's maybe a third of why I'm leaving. Here's the rest of it:
I miss my family.
I need to get on with my music career and Japan isn't the place to do it.
Greg is leaving, too (with me).
Trust me, these (mostly) external forces are a lot stronger than my being annoyed with the abundance of squid guts. Japan feels like a 2nd (or 3rd) home. And everyone hates their home at least a little, right? Well, now I'm flying the coop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This entry has actually helped with the anxiety I've been feeling. The chest pains. The stomach aches. The sudden bouts of anger. Well, I don't know how much it could've helped but at least this is all down now.
Amazing thing? I have WAY more to say. But not tonight.
So reverse culture stress: Thinking about all the things that suck about the country you're in, and being sad to leave them.
Reverse culture stress. Literally in reverse. I'm anticipating the move back to the States and freaking out perhaps more than I did coming to Japan. I am worried about readjusting to American life, I am sad about leaving the country that has given me so much (to think about), and the truth of it is this: in moving back, I am starting my life as much as moving here was escaping from it. Where did I go? Why?
Here are the pros:
Being an expat is great. People tell you you're beautiful (here, whities are exotic). If you look even remotely lost, someone looking to practice their English will come up to you with a "Can I help you?". And you can experience life through the filter of a language you can just barely grasp. That may be the best part.
The cons, you ask?
People are jerks. The ones who don't give you directions won't even acknowledge your existence. You may be beautiful but at least one person on every train will stare at you like you wrote "FUCK YOU" on your head. People will spit and piss wherever they like, if they're a man. There is a ton of discrimination here; foreigners have a harder time getting apartments--and NOT because of the language; certain jobs are for women (answering the phone, "manning" the information booth, nothing requiring a lot of hard work but totally requiring a pretty face or voice); and if your boss offers--no GIVES--you a drink, you must drink. Unless you're me.
Maybe it looks like I have more cons than pros. Granted, I haven't mentioned all the cool places I've been or the interesting cultural aspects I've learned. But in general, this is why I'm leaving. Actually, that's maybe a third of why I'm leaving. Here's the rest of it:
I miss my family.
I need to get on with my music career and Japan isn't the place to do it.
Greg is leaving, too (with me).
Trust me, these (mostly) external forces are a lot stronger than my being annoyed with the abundance of squid guts. Japan feels like a 2nd (or 3rd) home. And everyone hates their home at least a little, right? Well, now I'm flying the coop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This entry has actually helped with the anxiety I've been feeling. The chest pains. The stomach aches. The sudden bouts of anger. Well, I don't know how much it could've helped but at least this is all down now.
Amazing thing? I have WAY more to say. But not tonight.
So reverse culture stress: Thinking about all the things that suck about the country you're in, and being sad to leave them.