(no subject)
I'm reading The Time Traveler's Wife and it is heartbreaking.
It's also making me want so many things. And it's making me afraid, afraid of the end--of the book, of life.
The other day I was on the phone with my parents and I heard a cat on the their end. But I didn't know what it was and I thought it was my dog Shadow who died a while back.
My great-uncle Ray, my grandma Mits, and Shadow, are gone and I can't even remember what year they all happened in. I wasn't there for any of them and there were no funerals. Maybe if there were I could keep the date in my brain. Maybe if I had been told the day they happened.
I feel the sudden urge to get on the next jet out of this country and go back to my family, dispersed though they are. In fact, I think my parents may be at a family reunion--on my mother's side. Apparently my mother's line has a tendency to convert. They used to be Buddhist, now many are Mormon, which I only just found out and am scared by.
I digress.
Maybe it's my biological clock (again)--it tunes in every year or so--because I'm feeling the strongest pull yet toward family. Returning to, making, having. And I'm desperately afraid that something will go wrong and I will never have a perfect time when all are together and happy.
It's also making me want so many things. And it's making me afraid, afraid of the end--of the book, of life.
The other day I was on the phone with my parents and I heard a cat on the their end. But I didn't know what it was and I thought it was my dog Shadow who died a while back.
My great-uncle Ray, my grandma Mits, and Shadow, are gone and I can't even remember what year they all happened in. I wasn't there for any of them and there were no funerals. Maybe if there were I could keep the date in my brain. Maybe if I had been told the day they happened.
I feel the sudden urge to get on the next jet out of this country and go back to my family, dispersed though they are. In fact, I think my parents may be at a family reunion--on my mother's side. Apparently my mother's line has a tendency to convert. They used to be Buddhist, now many are Mormon, which I only just found out and am scared by.
I digress.
Maybe it's my biological clock (again)--it tunes in every year or so--because I'm feeling the strongest pull yet toward family. Returning to, making, having. And I'm desperately afraid that something will go wrong and I will never have a perfect time when all are together and happy.