It Feels Like Drowning
Title: It Feels Like Drowning
Author: ladyarcherfan3
Word Count: 391
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Characters: Robin, Much, mentions of Marian
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: I don't own or claim Robin Hood, just my imagination
Notes: This was shamelessly stolen inspired by a small conversation in the Without A Trace episode "Hang on to Me" between the characters Jack Malone and Chet Collins about Chet's missing son. I thought it fit what Robin might have felt immediately after Marian's death.
The sea was calm, almost flat and featureless. Robin might have seen it as a reflection of his heart if he had been contemplative mood. As it was, he sat on the ship’s deck trying not to think. Thoughts invited feelings, and he could not stand the pain. He and the remaining members of the gang had been on the ship for nearly a week, and it felt like no time and eternity to Robin. No time because he did not mark the passing of the days, and eternity because she was gone and could never come back.
He winced as the ache of loss hit him like a physical blow. When it passed, he realized Much was sitting next to him. Long moments passed in silence before Much shifted and spoke hesitantly.
“Robin . . .”
“It’s like drowning.” The words surprised Robin himself - they slipped out without any conscious effort of his. Yet having spoken them, he realized they were true. “It’s like drowning slowly, and I don’t have anything to hold on to. There’s nothing left, she’s gone.” He dropped his head as the pain filled him again.
Much shifted closer to touch Robin’s shoulder, his movements stilted as if he was uncertain as to what Robin’s reaction might be. “You can hold on to me,” he said quietly, his voice filled with memories of friendship, both pleasant and bitter; it recalled the confessions in the barn that night in Nettlestone.
Robin felt something inside him collapse. The walls around his heart that had been holding out the pain and holding back the tears finally crumbled. He reached up to grasp Much’s shoulder in return, his hand shaking with the suppressed emotions. “Thank you, my friend, but . . .” The grief overwhelmed him finally, and his words were lost.
How could he tell Much that it wouldn’t matter without Marian? How could he explain that nothing would be the same? He struggled to rein in the sorrow once again, and felt Much wrap an arm around his shoulders and hold him steady as sobs shook him. Perhaps Robin wouldn’t have to explain; Much’s embrace seemed to say that he understood. Or if he didn’t, he would still be there for Robin. Much could only hope that Robin would remember that and it would keep him from drowning.