A study in "le danse de freak"
The french term, "le danse de freak", is not a great mystery to many Americans today. In fact, in a recent poll taken by Aunt Jemima and Co. (22 Bitches), over 70% of Americans under the age of 25 have participated in "le danse de freak"
"Le danse de freak" literally translates from an english word meaning freak dance. Why would the name be changed from english to french and back to english? No research has shown conclusive results, but it may derive from the fact that french oft sounds better than anglais.
Freak dancing, or "Le danse de freak", began in the early 1990's thanks to, "the craziest-ass mofo this side o'Brooklyn." (666 Book o' Satanic Rituals) His name was Emcee ButtMuncher, or his rapper name was Geraldwick Emsfield Kingsley IV. Little did ButtMuncher know he would partake in the greatest dance revolution since the Electric Slide.
It all began April 25, 1992. The little known Club Eggplant on the outskirts of Queens provided the world with watershed moment. ButtMuncher was walking around the club while everybody was waltzing to the famous "Can't Touch This" by M.C. Hammer. But Buttmuncher did not spy an unsuspecting banana peel lying on the floor, seemingly harmless. Many dispute whether it was the banana peel or ButtMuncher who changed history. I think it was the Chicken, but you say pa-ta-toh. We simply may never know how many licks it was to the center of this particular tootsie pop.
Regardless of whether the credit deserves to go to ButtMuncher or the Banana Peel their courses in history did meet that fateful day. Seeing a "thick mama" (54 The ButtMuncher's Thoughts On Life) ButtMuncher scurried over to Waltz with his newfound beautiful specimen, Argentina, South America. Argentina was a girl "so beautiful that I could have made passionate love to her right there." (citation needed) Despite the Emcee's undisputed horniness, Argentina had her own place in history. She had made certain to dress especially sluttily that night in order to attract various men to waltz with her. If she was lucky, she might even get to hold hands. She does admit that "i was not ready to go steady at that point." (69 Confessions of a High School Drop-out Slut Queen)
It was on his way to the banana that people began wondering if the Emcee would ever actually make it there without excessive narration. Society was foolish in this questioning of the narrator because "the writer is always right." (1 A study in homonyms) So the Emcee tripped. It must have seemed like slow motion to see such history in the making. But this was no ordinary slip. ButtMuncher slipped across the ballroom floor straight into Argentina's rump. Even more impressive the "sliding pelvic thrust", as it would be called later, was perfectly in beat with the music. Emcee ButtMuncher, being one of the hippest cats in town, played it out as if the flying pelvic thrust was intentional. Soon everybody in the ballroom was pelvic thrusting left and right. Thus, "le danse de freak" was born.
It was in these early years of "le danse de freak" that freak dancing truly evolved. At first, there was pelvic to pelvic injury rate of an astonishing 64.3% of dancers. It turned out that the man and woman would thrust into eachother, in a most violent way. The timing was off and serious damage could be done. There was an incident in 1994 were a man completely shattered his pelvis and doctors counted exactly 437 pieces of pelvis. (145 Where and When you know you have too much free time)Another incident was recorded in which a white man dancing was so overpowered by a black woman that he was knocked backwards out of a glass window on the 14th story of Club Chupacabra. (78 Tragic Accounts of Skinny White People)
Necessity created the Department of Interestingly Creative Dancers, or DICD. It is unknown why the government would work so hard to create such a strange acronym. This governmental pathology is known as "stupification"(444 Wilson) The Department helped end the problems of early freak dancing by telling stupid weak people not to freak dance.
Today, freak dancing is a part of everyday life for many teenagers and college students. Several techniques have developed for both the men and the women.
Men
Rythm Section Method - Highly performed and perfected by Dennis Soloviski. Soliviski is credited with the theory that the man should only set down a steady beat and let the girl improvise. Similar to the way a Rythm Section Works in a solo section in jazz. (375 A study in why people are neglecting their homework right now)
Freakin' Rican - Popularized by the late Brentwick Mcbridius. The Puerto Rican phenom was short and often looked like he was humping a dead mule while dancing. While not often seen, it is phenomonal to witness.(555 A book)
Women
Shake Your ass around and stuff. - yeah.(45 Tired Of Citations)
Why is freak dancing so important today? Some people enjoy it. But the real reason? It is because it is an excuse to go bang sexual areas against eachother. And who can resist that?
"Le danse de freak" literally translates from an english word meaning freak dance. Why would the name be changed from english to french and back to english? No research has shown conclusive results, but it may derive from the fact that french oft sounds better than anglais.
Freak dancing, or "Le danse de freak", began in the early 1990's thanks to, "the craziest-ass mofo this side o'Brooklyn." (666 Book o' Satanic Rituals) His name was Emcee ButtMuncher, or his rapper name was Geraldwick Emsfield Kingsley IV. Little did ButtMuncher know he would partake in the greatest dance revolution since the Electric Slide.
It all began April 25, 1992. The little known Club Eggplant on the outskirts of Queens provided the world with watershed moment. ButtMuncher was walking around the club while everybody was waltzing to the famous "Can't Touch This" by M.C. Hammer. But Buttmuncher did not spy an unsuspecting banana peel lying on the floor, seemingly harmless. Many dispute whether it was the banana peel or ButtMuncher who changed history. I think it was the Chicken, but you say pa-ta-toh. We simply may never know how many licks it was to the center of this particular tootsie pop.
Regardless of whether the credit deserves to go to ButtMuncher or the Banana Peel their courses in history did meet that fateful day. Seeing a "thick mama" (54 The ButtMuncher's Thoughts On Life) ButtMuncher scurried over to Waltz with his newfound beautiful specimen, Argentina, South America. Argentina was a girl "so beautiful that I could have made passionate love to her right there." (citation needed) Despite the Emcee's undisputed horniness, Argentina had her own place in history. She had made certain to dress especially sluttily that night in order to attract various men to waltz with her. If she was lucky, she might even get to hold hands. She does admit that "i was not ready to go steady at that point." (69 Confessions of a High School Drop-out Slut Queen)
It was on his way to the banana that people began wondering if the Emcee would ever actually make it there without excessive narration. Society was foolish in this questioning of the narrator because "the writer is always right." (1 A study in homonyms) So the Emcee tripped. It must have seemed like slow motion to see such history in the making. But this was no ordinary slip. ButtMuncher slipped across the ballroom floor straight into Argentina's rump. Even more impressive the "sliding pelvic thrust", as it would be called later, was perfectly in beat with the music. Emcee ButtMuncher, being one of the hippest cats in town, played it out as if the flying pelvic thrust was intentional. Soon everybody in the ballroom was pelvic thrusting left and right. Thus, "le danse de freak" was born.
It was in these early years of "le danse de freak" that freak dancing truly evolved. At first, there was pelvic to pelvic injury rate of an astonishing 64.3% of dancers. It turned out that the man and woman would thrust into eachother, in a most violent way. The timing was off and serious damage could be done. There was an incident in 1994 were a man completely shattered his pelvis and doctors counted exactly 437 pieces of pelvis. (145 Where and When you know you have too much free time)Another incident was recorded in which a white man dancing was so overpowered by a black woman that he was knocked backwards out of a glass window on the 14th story of Club Chupacabra. (78 Tragic Accounts of Skinny White People)
Necessity created the Department of Interestingly Creative Dancers, or DICD. It is unknown why the government would work so hard to create such a strange acronym. This governmental pathology is known as "stupification"(444 Wilson) The Department helped end the problems of early freak dancing by telling stupid weak people not to freak dance.
Today, freak dancing is a part of everyday life for many teenagers and college students. Several techniques have developed for both the men and the women.
Men
Rythm Section Method - Highly performed and perfected by Dennis Soloviski. Soliviski is credited with the theory that the man should only set down a steady beat and let the girl improvise. Similar to the way a Rythm Section Works in a solo section in jazz. (375 A study in why people are neglecting their homework right now)
Freakin' Rican - Popularized by the late Brentwick Mcbridius. The Puerto Rican phenom was short and often looked like he was humping a dead mule while dancing. While not often seen, it is phenomonal to witness.(555 A book)
Women
Shake Your ass around and stuff. - yeah.(45 Tired Of Citations)
Why is freak dancing so important today? Some people enjoy it. But the real reason? It is because it is an excuse to go bang sexual areas against eachother. And who can resist that?