procrastination
just thought i'd send out a halloo to those of you i'll be seeing soon (hopefully) in detroit, let y'all know i'm still alive... and what better time to do that than the night before my first final of the year, for which, i freely admit, i have studied not one jot? precisely.
i am still alive.
this weekend has been one of stunning emotional ups and downs, as it perhaps should not have been. i've been getting such signals in such rapid succession--rather a "he loves me/he loves me not" sort of phenomenon, but it's more along the lines of "i am loved/i am not loved." which has translated into "i am deliriously joyful/i am bitter and emotionally damaging to others." i can't tell if this always happens to me around exam time, because of exam time, or if this has simply happened to occur twice in the last two sets of winter exams (this one included). not that it particularly matters. it will be good to be home, away from all the shit that seems to tag along with life here at times, and it will be incredibly painful to be separated from said shit... or perhaps not. last break, but for a set of truly ridiculous circumstances, would have been a time for me to get my head in order, and perhaps this break will actually be that.
every time i begin to hate feeling like this, i am reminded that this is one of the breaks of feeling joyful, and every time i begin to feel joyful, i am sucked back into this morass. by something.
i want to tear my adrenal glands from my body and hold a bonfire.
o livejournal angst... how have i missed thee...
i am still alive.
this weekend has been one of stunning emotional ups and downs, as it perhaps should not have been. i've been getting such signals in such rapid succession--rather a "he loves me/he loves me not" sort of phenomenon, but it's more along the lines of "i am loved/i am not loved." which has translated into "i am deliriously joyful/i am bitter and emotionally damaging to others." i can't tell if this always happens to me around exam time, because of exam time, or if this has simply happened to occur twice in the last two sets of winter exams (this one included). not that it particularly matters. it will be good to be home, away from all the shit that seems to tag along with life here at times, and it will be incredibly painful to be separated from said shit... or perhaps not. last break, but for a set of truly ridiculous circumstances, would have been a time for me to get my head in order, and perhaps this break will actually be that.
every time i begin to hate feeling like this, i am reminded that this is one of the breaks of feeling joyful, and every time i begin to feel joyful, i am sucked back into this morass. by something.
i want to tear my adrenal glands from my body and hold a bonfire.
o livejournal angst... how have i missed thee...