Harbourfront Do’s and Don’ts (Accent On the Don’ts)
For Canada Day we headed down to Harbourfront, an arts complex on the duck-dappled shores of Lake Ontario, to check out another in their long lineup of free summer concerts. Over the years we’ve caught an incredible number of great musical acts there, all paid for by government and corporate sponsorship: King Sunny Ade, Etta James, Ali Farka Toure, Ashley McIsaac, Big Sandy and the Fly-Rite Boys, Hugh Masakela, Robert Ward, countless others I’m spacing on at the moment…
This time we saw rising alt-folk star Feist, with openers Apostle of Hustle. Feist has star quality and stage presence to burn; not to mention an alluring, distinctive voice and a solid talent for hooky songwriting. She’s in the process of, as they say, blowing up, and this was the biggest crowd I’ve ever seen at a Harbourfront concert - the place was scarily packed.
Accordingly I must now issue a few memos to fellow Harbourfront attendees.
1. Attention Urinal Man. I don’t care how fascinating that brochure is, please ensure that the member is back in the pants before you walk away from the urinal. Thank you.
2. Attention Hoodie-Clad Pair of Youths. I don’t know which white powdery substance you were snorting from the surface of that picnic table behind the bandshell, but the fact that you are willing to snort it in a family-packed, high-traffic public space suggests that you have already done impressive damage to your frontal lobes. Boundaries - investigate the concept, before it investigates you.
3. Attention Budding Rock Photographers. A) Trust me, you will never get a good shot at this venue. B) Stop documenting the show and start experiencing the show. You are missing the point. Especially you. Yeah, you, orange tank top Geddy Lee type dude two rows in front of me who approximately every sixty seconds stands up on the bench seating, blocking my view, to take your freakin’ pictures. Someday you’re going to position yourself in front of somebody with a lighter and low impulse control, and he’s gonna ignite that luxuriant mullet of yours. Just sayin’.