A destination that can never be reached
I've spent the past few days feeling sorry for myself. I went to work but did the minimum to get by, even while doing 2 part time jobs to fill up the hours. But today, I finally talked to Ashley and got the answers and closure I needed. I don't feel nearly as much that it's my fault for working too much or not getting involved with her interests. It was simply a difference in what we wanted from each other and where each of us wanted to go with the relationship. She wants to have fun with her sorority friends and see what happiness she can found out there. I was ready to move forward with the relationship, given the trajectory of the rest of my life and the time we had been together. Both she and I mistakenly thought she wanted the same thing. Unfortunately it's hard to go backwards in a relationship. She believes her life will be more fulfilling if she doesn't have to make time for me in it. I'm not going to lie and say that doesn't hurt, and I don't feel she made a particularly sound decision, but now that is in the past and there is no reason to dwell on it.
I am ready to move on with my life. There are things the relationship taught me that I need to work on. I do need to balance work and my personal life better, especially the needs of a girlfriend. I need to broaden my horizons and accept new things, not being prejudiced by the scope of my job. I also neglected many of my friendships the last few months, which I regret and hope to rectify. I learned a lot about what I want and don't want from a woman. I'm not going to chalk my time with Ashley up as a learning experience; that is too glib and doesn't do it justice. I think that just because something ends it doesn't mean it was bad to begin with. We both changed a lot even inside of a year, and it's better this happened now than years down the line with a marriage and kids involved. I'm not going to say I'm done hurting, that will probably stick around for a while, but I am done beating myself up over the "what-if's" and playing the blame game. It's nobody's fault, it just...is.
I'm not a proponent of "things happen for a reason" or "it wasn't meant to be." I think that is a cop out. Relationships work because people want to be together and work at them. They do what is necessary, even when times are hard, because in the end it's worth it if you love someone. I'm 23 with my whole life and career ahead of me, God willing. I'm not naive enough to believe I won't meet someone I can share that with, someone who will love and accept me and always be a good friend. I thought I had found it in Ashley, but I was wrong. I accept that, and now I am prepared to make the adjustments I mentioned above and be ready for what happens next. RS
I am ready to move on with my life. There are things the relationship taught me that I need to work on. I do need to balance work and my personal life better, especially the needs of a girlfriend. I need to broaden my horizons and accept new things, not being prejudiced by the scope of my job. I also neglected many of my friendships the last few months, which I regret and hope to rectify. I learned a lot about what I want and don't want from a woman. I'm not going to chalk my time with Ashley up as a learning experience; that is too glib and doesn't do it justice. I think that just because something ends it doesn't mean it was bad to begin with. We both changed a lot even inside of a year, and it's better this happened now than years down the line with a marriage and kids involved. I'm not going to say I'm done hurting, that will probably stick around for a while, but I am done beating myself up over the "what-if's" and playing the blame game. It's nobody's fault, it just...is.
I'm not a proponent of "things happen for a reason" or "it wasn't meant to be." I think that is a cop out. Relationships work because people want to be together and work at them. They do what is necessary, even when times are hard, because in the end it's worth it if you love someone. I'm 23 with my whole life and career ahead of me, God willing. I'm not naive enough to believe I won't meet someone I can share that with, someone who will love and accept me and always be a good friend. I thought I had found it in Ashley, but I was wrong. I accept that, and now I am prepared to make the adjustments I mentioned above and be ready for what happens next. RS