always needed.
just a little of everything. maybe then i'll get a sense of what i'm doing and what i need to do. I'm thinking they're two opposite things at the moment.
School is school. and stressful. I've had 3 major exams in the past week and countless homework assignments and group projects. I'm still currently giving my time to a homeless sheter for a class, and that takes up all wednesday afternoons/nights. A small positive note is my last two exam grades in stats - a 98 and an 88. Only two exams are counted, and a third is dropped (minus the final). That means i can blow off stats and focus on other things, or maybe myself. I also got an A+ on my Pinocchio midterm.........god bless my teacher's soul.
I've been working quite a bit. In these past 2 weeks I have pulled 2 nine hour days that started at 6:00 a.m. and ended at 7:00 p.m., with really only breaks for class. In theory it sounded good, but physically working was another story. At least it is done and over with, and my next paycheck will reflect a few more hours. i have so much that i want to buy & save for its crazy...yet i buy a dress shopping on saturday. for absoultely nothing. i blame it on being a girl.
Speaking of work.......its been well, interesting. I'm kinda the girl that people share their gossip with. I must look trustworthy. In doing this, I've learned half the cafe is in love with this mike kid (nick's roomate) and plenty of more interesting things. I refuse to get myself involved, and/or hang out with more people outside of work, and to not have any, any, type of hookup. I'm not quite sure what some people know about me, a la nick & others. i really don't want to know. I pretend it never happened (when i'm at work).......but i'll still brag about it at home. He really is that hot.
i am also a lying whore. but not a whore. but i am a liar. We hardly talk......i haven't seen him since middle of january, and we only talk at most 2 days a week.....yet i'm expected to be a 'good girl?'. I've been anything but. In fact, it started with the first weekend back with nick, to well ..'everything' with 2 others, and innocently kissing another. Not to mention all the dirty texting that has gotten me through life since jury duty in january. And i really don't regret it.
And last night i told him nothing has ever happened - and i've been "good" - so stop asking. he told me i was advoiding his question. I just don't understand him. I think i might tell him more in person. it's eating me up. I hate these unwritten expectations for nothing. And really, its true. we're nothing so how in someway does that make us connected? It doesn't. And i'm starting to notice that. If he wants me and me only, he's got to tell me. At the same time, i can't get over him....which makes it all the more confusing. And the fact that theres that double standard. I don't know what hes doing.....i have no fucking clue. He inisists nothing, and that he hasn't been with anybody. Usually i have that automatic trust in everybody, and want to see the best in people, but i'm so skeptical it's hard.
I did tell him (all in texting...of course, bleh) that "you probably don't recall, but a few wks ago i said i saw a friend i haven't seen since high school? well he is a male & he spent the night & thats where the story ends."
..............of course in truth, "i few wks ago i saw a friend that i haven't in over a year. He's the one that i cheated on my boyfriend with, and will always get a long with. He's a sweettalker and a cocky jackass, but i love it. I've always been incredibly attracted to him, and this time was no different. He slept over & slept in my bed....and he's a better kisser than i remembered..."
ALSO... "he spent the entire night with me and hung out down here on my time since he didn't just call me at 2 a.m." ..........yeahhh. anyways off to stats, pinocchio, work 4-7:30. thanks l-j.
School is school. and stressful. I've had 3 major exams in the past week and countless homework assignments and group projects. I'm still currently giving my time to a homeless sheter for a class, and that takes up all wednesday afternoons/nights. A small positive note is my last two exam grades in stats - a 98 and an 88. Only two exams are counted, and a third is dropped (minus the final). That means i can blow off stats and focus on other things, or maybe myself. I also got an A+ on my Pinocchio midterm.........god bless my teacher's soul.
I've been working quite a bit. In these past 2 weeks I have pulled 2 nine hour days that started at 6:00 a.m. and ended at 7:00 p.m., with really only breaks for class. In theory it sounded good, but physically working was another story. At least it is done and over with, and my next paycheck will reflect a few more hours. i have so much that i want to buy & save for its crazy...yet i buy a dress shopping on saturday. for absoultely nothing. i blame it on being a girl.
Speaking of work.......its been well, interesting. I'm kinda the girl that people share their gossip with. I must look trustworthy. In doing this, I've learned half the cafe is in love with this mike kid (nick's roomate) and plenty of more interesting things. I refuse to get myself involved, and/or hang out with more people outside of work, and to not have any, any, type of hookup. I'm not quite sure what some people know about me, a la nick & others. i really don't want to know. I pretend it never happened (when i'm at work).......but i'll still brag about it at home. He really is that hot.
i am also a lying whore. but not a whore. but i am a liar. We hardly talk......i haven't seen him since middle of january, and we only talk at most 2 days a week.....yet i'm expected to be a 'good girl?'. I've been anything but. In fact, it started with the first weekend back with nick, to well ..'everything' with 2 others, and innocently kissing another. Not to mention all the dirty texting that has gotten me through life since jury duty in january. And i really don't regret it.
And last night i told him nothing has ever happened - and i've been "good" - so stop asking. he told me i was advoiding his question. I just don't understand him. I think i might tell him more in person. it's eating me up. I hate these unwritten expectations for nothing. And really, its true. we're nothing so how in someway does that make us connected? It doesn't. And i'm starting to notice that. If he wants me and me only, he's got to tell me. At the same time, i can't get over him....which makes it all the more confusing. And the fact that theres that double standard. I don't know what hes doing.....i have no fucking clue. He inisists nothing, and that he hasn't been with anybody. Usually i have that automatic trust in everybody, and want to see the best in people, but i'm so skeptical it's hard.
I did tell him (all in texting...of course, bleh) that "you probably don't recall, but a few wks ago i said i saw a friend i haven't seen since high school? well he is a male & he spent the night & thats where the story ends."
..............of course in truth, "i few wks ago i saw a friend that i haven't in over a year. He's the one that i cheated on my boyfriend with, and will always get a long with. He's a sweettalker and a cocky jackass, but i love it. I've always been incredibly attracted to him, and this time was no different. He slept over & slept in my bed....and he's a better kisser than i remembered..."
ALSO... "he spent the entire night with me and hung out down here on my time since he didn't just call me at 2 a.m." ..........yeahhh. anyways off to stats, pinocchio, work 4-7:30. thanks l-j.