Roller Coaster
So basically in life you have two choices.
Choice #1: Treat life as a roller coaster and go through the ups and downs, the twists and turns, the excitement, the adrenaline and the rush of it all.
Choice #2: Treat life like a carousel. You are stationary yet you go around and around in circles. Nothing ever changes, the scenery always stays the same.
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Id like to opt for choice #1. Believe me, I live choice #1. However, I really really really HATE the down parts. Of course, everyone does; We would all prefer to get only get the ups, but if we dont get the downs then how do we recognize, appreciate and respect the ups? Id like to tell you that I have it all figured out and I know the answers for everything. HAHAHAHAHAHA Are you fucking serious? Im only 24 (soon to 25) years old. What the fuck do I know about life? There are people much older and wiser than me, why would I have their answers at 24? I know more now than I did when I was 18. Of course, life was a lot less hectic and a lot more simple at that age as well.
If I were to go for choice #2 and I had everything I ever wanted; My family, My other family, My friends, money, success, fame and glamour, would it be worth it just so I wouldnt I have to ride the rollercoaster? Well, I dont know the answer to that question either. Check back with me when Im 55! (wonder if the LJ site will still be around in 30 years lol)
OK, So sometimes life sucks. And what can I do about it?
OK, Are you family and friends all you need? What about those times when youre family or friends arent there for when YOU really w/need(w/need is my new word that means its something you want you so much that you need it) them. Sure being there when I was arrested was wonderful. I wouldnt want to take back the feeling I still have when those closest to me stood beside me in my dark hour of need and told others to shut the fuck up and let the law deal with it. OR the time when my doctor discovered this tumor in my elbow. Do you know how it feels to be 23 years old and told "You have a tumor. I dont know if it is cancerous or not. I will set you up with the city's best oncologist(cancer doctor). You should know the scenarios though. Best case scenario is of course that it is not cancerous and you will be fine. And of course the worst case scenario is that it is cancerous, we found out too late, cant do anything about it and you will die." (BTW those were and are the exact words Dr. Wood said to me over a year ago) HOW THE FUCK DOES A 23 YEAR OLD REACT TO THEIR OWN DEMISEFUL(is that a real word? If not, this is my other new word)DEATH??? Can anyone answer that????
Maybe Im just a really selfish person. Maybe in the long run I just want what is best for me. Its very doubtfuol and highly unlikely but hey just a lil over a year ago I MIGHT have died! Im not sure who I am right now. I feel that I base who I am on what I want to accomplish. Maybe I just get ahead of myself. Maybe I dont give myself enough credit. Maybe Im too passive. Maybe Im too aggressive. Maybe maybe maybe. What a strange concept. Why cant anything and everything just be a definite "yes" or a definite "no"? Why does there have to be a grey area? Why do I feel this way? Maybe I should talk to a therapist, see what they have to say. I know Im certainly tiredx of always trying to fix me. But maybe thats the problem, you cant fix something thats not broken. Am I saying that Im not broken? NO, I am not. I am not saying I am whole either. Like I said earlier, I just dont know right now.
This could all possibly just be a mood that I am in or maybe its me searching for the truth. Again, I dont have the answer. And let me tell you how bad it sucks that I DO NOT HAVE THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION.
I dont want to continue on a ramble and bore you any longer. For those who might worry after reading this, dont worry Im not gonna hurt myself or kill myself. Im going to go smoke a bowl, read a little bit, fall asleep and wake up tomorrow with a brand new day and hope that it will be better than the previous day!
Choice #1: Treat life as a roller coaster and go through the ups and downs, the twists and turns, the excitement, the adrenaline and the rush of it all.
Choice #2: Treat life like a carousel. You are stationary yet you go around and around in circles. Nothing ever changes, the scenery always stays the same.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Id like to opt for choice #1. Believe me, I live choice #1. However, I really really really HATE the down parts. Of course, everyone does; We would all prefer to get only get the ups, but if we dont get the downs then how do we recognize, appreciate and respect the ups? Id like to tell you that I have it all figured out and I know the answers for everything. HAHAHAHAHAHA Are you fucking serious? Im only 24 (soon to 25) years old. What the fuck do I know about life? There are people much older and wiser than me, why would I have their answers at 24? I know more now than I did when I was 18. Of course, life was a lot less hectic and a lot more simple at that age as well.
If I were to go for choice #2 and I had everything I ever wanted; My family, My other family, My friends, money, success, fame and glamour, would it be worth it just so I wouldnt I have to ride the rollercoaster? Well, I dont know the answer to that question either. Check back with me when Im 55! (wonder if the LJ site will still be around in 30 years lol)
OK, So sometimes life sucks. And what can I do about it?
OK, Are you family and friends all you need? What about those times when youre family or friends arent there for when YOU really w/need(w/need is my new word that means its something you want you so much that you need it) them. Sure being there when I was arrested was wonderful. I wouldnt want to take back the feeling I still have when those closest to me stood beside me in my dark hour of need and told others to shut the fuck up and let the law deal with it. OR the time when my doctor discovered this tumor in my elbow. Do you know how it feels to be 23 years old and told "You have a tumor. I dont know if it is cancerous or not. I will set you up with the city's best oncologist(cancer doctor). You should know the scenarios though. Best case scenario is of course that it is not cancerous and you will be fine. And of course the worst case scenario is that it is cancerous, we found out too late, cant do anything about it and you will die." (BTW those were and are the exact words Dr. Wood said to me over a year ago) HOW THE FUCK DOES A 23 YEAR OLD REACT TO THEIR OWN DEMISEFUL(is that a real word? If not, this is my other new word)DEATH??? Can anyone answer that????
Maybe Im just a really selfish person. Maybe in the long run I just want what is best for me. Its very doubtfuol and highly unlikely but hey just a lil over a year ago I MIGHT have died! Im not sure who I am right now. I feel that I base who I am on what I want to accomplish. Maybe I just get ahead of myself. Maybe I dont give myself enough credit. Maybe Im too passive. Maybe Im too aggressive. Maybe maybe maybe. What a strange concept. Why cant anything and everything just be a definite "yes" or a definite "no"? Why does there have to be a grey area? Why do I feel this way? Maybe I should talk to a therapist, see what they have to say. I know Im certainly tiredx of always trying to fix me. But maybe thats the problem, you cant fix something thats not broken. Am I saying that Im not broken? NO, I am not. I am not saying I am whole either. Like I said earlier, I just dont know right now.
This could all possibly just be a mood that I am in or maybe its me searching for the truth. Again, I dont have the answer. And let me tell you how bad it sucks that I DO NOT HAVE THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION.
I dont want to continue on a ramble and bore you any longer. For those who might worry after reading this, dont worry Im not gonna hurt myself or kill myself. Im going to go smoke a bowl, read a little bit, fall asleep and wake up tomorrow with a brand new day and hope that it will be better than the previous day!