Nightly Update
OK, so today I flipped on CNN and saw that our fabulous * GAG * (what a waste of a wonderful word) president Mr. George W. Bush fell of his bike this past weekend. That fucker can't even keep his balance on a mountain bike, how am I supposed to trust him to keep our nation's budget balanced? My aunt Teresa told me that God has hand picked George Bush to run our country for the next four years. If I voted for Kerry, I would be messing with His plan and I would go to hell. She told me that I'd better not cancel out her vote for Bush. I informed her that I would not only cancel out her vote, I'd have plenty of people to cancel out any other person she'd tried to brain wash into voting for Bush's vote. I then told her that I hadn't seen anything convincing happen in the past four years. I have only seen more people killed in the stupidest war ever, the highest gas prices I've seen in 18 years. I've seen someone try to take away people's liberties in our constitution, and no tax breaks for our class of people what so ever.
She also told me that I shouldn't be a teacher because I'm a homosexual. That I would have to answer for all the kids I come in contact with in my career. I then told her that I was OK with that. She asked if I was OK with telling kids it's OK to be a homosexual. I said, "Look, Teresa. I love you. I really do, but don't tell me that I'm going to hell for something you can't even back up anymore. We've been down this road. If I'm going to hell for telling kids God loves them they way they are and they should have a personal relationship with him the so be it. If I'm going to hell for being myself, and encouraging kids to be who they really are, then yes I am OK with that." She wasn't happy. I've already told you all how I feel about religion. I also added that she would have to answer for judging me the way she had just done. That's so not kosher. I'm no OK with that.
I have summer school tomorrow! Fun times.
I can't even believe I'm about to fess up to this, but today I was looking for apartments. I was finding some phat ones. Cheap. Beautiful. Exactly what I wanted in Lafayette. Well they were in Lafayette alright. Lafayette, Louisiana. That's a little too far to drive for class, wouldn't you say? I'm also looking at houses. If I really like Alabama, then I'll just stay there. Plus, having something like that will give me security while I'm there, and that's something I need.
My favorite color is green, well I never put two and two together. Green is the color of jealousy. I'm very envious. I have a very jealous nature. I'm very jealous that everyone that means anything to me is happy beyond compare. I know I said at one point that I was OK with being alone. Well, now that I think about it, I'm not. I'm not OK with being by myself. Nights were not meant to spend alone. That's something I've done for a really long time, and quite frankly I'm over it. I'm over it. I want to be happy, too damn it!
Let me ask a hypothetical question:
Is it possible to be a best friend, when there are touchy subjects because your best friends are happy? I've been such a bitch to Them, and it's all because I'm happy for him, but not happy myself. He's what made me happy. He was my happiness, and now I have to take back burner to someone else. It was really hard at first, but I'm getting to be OK with it. It's rough still sometimes, because I miss him so much. I love him to death, and I'd die for him. I'll kill anyone who messes with him, it's that simple. It's not because I love him- well it is partly- but he has done nothing but look out for me, and told me what was best for me. Who am I not to be happy for him? So, I am of course happy for him, but yet not happy myself. I've had the most consistent thing in my life kind of taken away from me. It scares me, because sometimes I feel like I'm loosing my best friend. I know that one day he'll be so happy with this kid, that he won't need me anymore. He won't need me for advice, or to cry to, or just to shoot the bull with. I'm trying to unattach myself from him, to kind of prepare myself for that day. It's scary. Having something so sincere in your life, and then you realize that one day it might not be there anymore. He is my best friend. There's no one in the world like him. I appreciate him very much. I thank God for putting him in my life every day. I honestly wouldn't be the person I am today without him. I will always be his best friend (and he mine). Even when he decides we're not anymore… OH YES WE WILL BE! Because I always win, and I said so. One day I know that I will be OK with seeing him with his new kid. I'm just scared. Not only for myself, but also for him. I don't want to see him get hurt again, because I've watched it happen too many times in the past year. By God it won't happen again. I'll kill the motherfucker who does it this time! You know I love you! Now, I read that, and I realize it makes me seem like I don't want to be their friend anymore. That is not the case… I'm just scared, and you know it! IF I was like that, would it make me a bad friend?
I had a wonderful weekend, and now it's over. Scratch that I had a FABULOUS weekend! Tomorrow, after school, Serena and I are going to the lake, and then to BINGO! I'm excited. I'm getting a life again. It's weird. I really feel like I'm growing up. I'm looking for apartments, taking on more responsibility than I can handle, and doing OK with it all.
OK, well I'm off here. I've kind of procrastinated most of the day. So, I'm gonna go ahead and get stuff ready for tomorrow. Love yas!
ps: this is my new favorite Reba song
I Know How He Feels
When I heard that familiar voice
My heart stopped dead in it's tracks
Across the room I could see him there
A ghost from my past
But he's too caught up to notice me
She must be his new love
I never dreamed that it would hurt this much
It's just
I know how he feels
How warm his touch is
Oh how he feels
How soft his kiss is
And it cuts right down to the bone
'Cause I let him go
I know how he cares
How strong his love can be
When he believes it's real
Oh I've been there
And I know how he feels
As long as I kept him outta sight
I kept from going out of my mind
Tried to believe that leavin' him
Was somehow justified
But tonight there's no denying
What a love like his is worth
He once looked at me
The way he's looking at her
What a lucky girl
I know how he feels
How warm his touch is
Oh how he feels
How soft his kiss is
And it cuts right down to the bone
'Cause I let him go
I know how he cares
How strong his love can be
When he believes it's real
Oh I've been there
And I know how he feels
She also told me that I shouldn't be a teacher because I'm a homosexual. That I would have to answer for all the kids I come in contact with in my career. I then told her that I was OK with that. She asked if I was OK with telling kids it's OK to be a homosexual. I said, "Look, Teresa. I love you. I really do, but don't tell me that I'm going to hell for something you can't even back up anymore. We've been down this road. If I'm going to hell for telling kids God loves them they way they are and they should have a personal relationship with him the so be it. If I'm going to hell for being myself, and encouraging kids to be who they really are, then yes I am OK with that." She wasn't happy. I've already told you all how I feel about religion. I also added that she would have to answer for judging me the way she had just done. That's so not kosher. I'm no OK with that.
I have summer school tomorrow! Fun times.
I can't even believe I'm about to fess up to this, but today I was looking for apartments. I was finding some phat ones. Cheap. Beautiful. Exactly what I wanted in Lafayette. Well they were in Lafayette alright. Lafayette, Louisiana. That's a little too far to drive for class, wouldn't you say? I'm also looking at houses. If I really like Alabama, then I'll just stay there. Plus, having something like that will give me security while I'm there, and that's something I need.
My favorite color is green, well I never put two and two together. Green is the color of jealousy. I'm very envious. I have a very jealous nature. I'm very jealous that everyone that means anything to me is happy beyond compare. I know I said at one point that I was OK with being alone. Well, now that I think about it, I'm not. I'm not OK with being by myself. Nights were not meant to spend alone. That's something I've done for a really long time, and quite frankly I'm over it. I'm over it. I want to be happy, too damn it!
Let me ask a hypothetical question:
Is it possible to be a best friend, when there are touchy subjects because your best friends are happy? I've been such a bitch to Them, and it's all because I'm happy for him, but not happy myself. He's what made me happy. He was my happiness, and now I have to take back burner to someone else. It was really hard at first, but I'm getting to be OK with it. It's rough still sometimes, because I miss him so much. I love him to death, and I'd die for him. I'll kill anyone who messes with him, it's that simple. It's not because I love him- well it is partly- but he has done nothing but look out for me, and told me what was best for me. Who am I not to be happy for him? So, I am of course happy for him, but yet not happy myself. I've had the most consistent thing in my life kind of taken away from me. It scares me, because sometimes I feel like I'm loosing my best friend. I know that one day he'll be so happy with this kid, that he won't need me anymore. He won't need me for advice, or to cry to, or just to shoot the bull with. I'm trying to unattach myself from him, to kind of prepare myself for that day. It's scary. Having something so sincere in your life, and then you realize that one day it might not be there anymore. He is my best friend. There's no one in the world like him. I appreciate him very much. I thank God for putting him in my life every day. I honestly wouldn't be the person I am today without him. I will always be his best friend (and he mine). Even when he decides we're not anymore… OH YES WE WILL BE! Because I always win, and I said so. One day I know that I will be OK with seeing him with his new kid. I'm just scared. Not only for myself, but also for him. I don't want to see him get hurt again, because I've watched it happen too many times in the past year. By God it won't happen again. I'll kill the motherfucker who does it this time! You know I love you! Now, I read that, and I realize it makes me seem like I don't want to be their friend anymore. That is not the case… I'm just scared, and you know it! IF I was like that, would it make me a bad friend?
I had a wonderful weekend, and now it's over. Scratch that I had a FABULOUS weekend! Tomorrow, after school, Serena and I are going to the lake, and then to BINGO! I'm excited. I'm getting a life again. It's weird. I really feel like I'm growing up. I'm looking for apartments, taking on more responsibility than I can handle, and doing OK with it all.
OK, well I'm off here. I've kind of procrastinated most of the day. So, I'm gonna go ahead and get stuff ready for tomorrow. Love yas!
ps: this is my new favorite Reba song
I Know How He Feels
When I heard that familiar voice
My heart stopped dead in it's tracks
Across the room I could see him there
A ghost from my past
But he's too caught up to notice me
She must be his new love
I never dreamed that it would hurt this much
It's just
I know how he feels
How warm his touch is
Oh how he feels
How soft his kiss is
And it cuts right down to the bone
'Cause I let him go
I know how he cares
How strong his love can be
When he believes it's real
Oh I've been there
And I know how he feels
As long as I kept him outta sight
I kept from going out of my mind
Tried to believe that leavin' him
Was somehow justified
But tonight there's no denying
What a love like his is worth
He once looked at me
The way he's looking at her
What a lucky girl
I know how he feels
How warm his touch is
Oh how he feels
How soft his kiss is
And it cuts right down to the bone
'Cause I let him go
I know how he cares
How strong his love can be
When he believes it's real
Oh I've been there
And I know how he feels